Sometimes, at weddings, there is a surprising or uninvited guest arrival, or two.
Some people just can't help but want to deliver drama.
Old feelings can be thrown around, and the past gets relived.
However, some uninvited guests have far more nefarious thoughts.
That is when action is taken.
Redditor Stunning_Way9393 found himself in a personal dilemma regarding his reaction to his ex showing up to his wedding, so he turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
He asked:
"AITAH for having my ex arrested at my wedding?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"This happened 2 days ago at my (28), and my wife’s (39) wedding, and a lot of people are telling me I’m in the wrong for having my ex (27) arrested, and my wife is saying I ruined the wedding and caused a scene."
"First, a little backstory on my ex, we were together over 5 years ago for a matter of weeks."
"I broke things off because I just wasn’t into her that much."
"She began to pester me over text and social media all of the time to get back together or just hook up."
"This went on for months, and in a particularly weak moment, I gave in and slept with her again."
"At this point, things got a lot worse."
"I tried to explain that it was a mistake, and I still didn’t want anything with her."
"From then, the messages ranged from abusive to begging me for sex."
"Eventually, I just blocked her; from then on, she started turning up at my house, work, and social spaces I went to often."
"She attempted to force herself on me and threatened violence, and at that point, I got a restraining order."
"Since then, I haven’t heard from her in years."
"I met my wife 3 years ago, and she is honestly the best thing in my life."
"We fell in love hard and honestly have a great relationship."
"We got engaged after 2 years and 2 days ago, and finally had our wedding."
"The day was going amazingly until a friend of mine, whom I’ll call Chris, turned up with his +1, my ex."
"I spoke to him, and he had absolutely no idea about my history with her, and we tried to get her to leave."
"After she refused, I decided to just ring the police, 2 officers showed up to arrest her for breaking her restraining order, and she flipped out. She was shouting and screaming, she hurled abuses at my wife and claimed that we were meant to be together, which obviously distracted from our wedding."
"Now my wife is upset with me for causing a scene, and a lot of our friends are saying that I should’ve just ignored it and focused on the day because she wasn’t causing any problems up until the police showed up."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITAH?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"You had a restraining order for a reason."
"I believe she was very well aware of it and knew what the consequences could have been."
"She knew better than to be attending."
"Who knows what plans she had in mind b4 she was taken away?"
"Knowing that she was there and having the fear."
"You would not have enjoyed yourself if you had let her stay." ~ Ppjr16
"So... If you do not enforce the restraining order, that can be evidence against you to have the order ended.
"That is not an acceptable behavior."
"You have to call the police. NTA." ~ thequiethunter
"NTA. Your wife is wrong about this."
"If you hadn’t called the police, she would’ve exploded that your ex was there." ~ Ok-Butterscotch-6708
"NTA. Can you get an annulment?"
"This wife doesn’t seem to be a good match either." ~ SunshinePrincess21
"Definitely not the a**hole."
"I don't understand why anyone would say that was wrong of you to do."
"Clearly, your ex broke the restraining order. "
"Good on you for calling the police, who knew what she could've done."
"It's completely unfair on you for your wife and those who were at your wedding to be acting this way."
"If they knew that you had a restraining order, and what she did to you, and it seems like your wife did."
"Then it doesn't make any sense for her to be acting this way."
"Perhaps you need to talk with her?"
"Congratulations on the wedding, though."
"I hope you were able to enjoy the day apart from what happened with your ex :)" ~ Helpful_Leather8917
"Yeah, that is a big red flag."
"If OP’s wife had a stalker who showed up breaking a restraining order, nobody would blink an eye at having the police remove them from the wedding."
"It seems like OP’s wife and anyone else who is upset is acting pretty sexist, even if it is unintentional."
"It is really clear if you reverse the genders that nobody would be upset at a stalker being removed."
"The fact that OP is a man should change nothing.'
"OP did the right thing."
"I hope his wife is just upset about the situation and not thinking clearly."
"I hope she apologizes for blaming him and not the stalker. NTA."
"UpdateMe." ~ Pippet_4
"NTA. She used Chris to get to your wedding and cause trouble."
"You did what you had to do to protect yourself and your wife."
"I feel bad for Chris, though, poor guy just got in the crossfire." ~ stallion8426
"Your wife is punishing you for doing what any adult in your circumstances would have done."
"I am curious as to how many times your wife has been married."
"Your new wife is 10 years older than you are and acting like your mama."
"Now is the time to sit down with her, tell her you had a restraining order against that unhinged woman, and that your wife's behavior is very worrisome because it shows a real lack of respect for your judgment and trust in your decision-making ability."
"Frankly, if she cannot do better than she has since the wedding, I think you made a tremendous mistake."
"And I would get out now." ~ TSIDATSI
"NTA at all, I doubt this ruined the wedding; if anything, it provided great entertainment." ~ CommunicationNew9520
"Wow. NTA."
"But I have some questions about your 'wonderful' wife."
"She doesn't get that you might be traumatized by having your stalker show up?"
"That maybe you needed to make it clear to this nut bar that she may NOT approach you?"
"Your ex clearly schemed to get into a place she didn't belong."
"I find it pretty red flag behavior that your wife is angry at you and not grateful you're safe and wanting to find out how to keep you that way, especially after your ex's little display."
"You'd be wise to think twice before signing that marriage certificate if you haven't already." ~ mamaallthetime
OP came back to chat...
"Yes, my wife knew I had a restraining order against a stalker, and we spoke about it when we started to become serious.""
"A few family members also knew, but my friends didn’t, as I never spoke to them about it."
"I got a lot of requests for an update on my original post, so here it is."
"It’s been a very long day since I first posted. I have spoken to both my wife and Chris."
"Starting with my wife, we had a very long, tearful conversation about everything from my ex to our wedding."
"I apologized for the fact that I didn’t consider involving her before calling the police, which meant that ex’s outburst when being escorted out came as a complete surprise to her."
"She apologized for the way she reacted and explained that she wasn’t angry at me but is angry at ex."
"The fact that the wedding was ruined and that the focus was shifted away from us and to ex, her anger was misdirected."
"Another reason for the anger is that a lot of guests had no idea who my ex was, so my ex’s comment of 'we’re meant to be together' has apparently led to people theorizing that I had been cheating on my wife with my ex, so we are now having to put out fires before rumours begin to spread."
"My wife is now very much focused on making sure I am ok after all of this, though she is still distraught about our special day being ruined, but we will work through that together."
"On to Chris, this is where things get a little scary."
"My wife and I called him together firstly to check that he is ok, he is, and secondly to see how the hell she’s managed to worm her way into his life in order to get to my wedding."
"According to Chris, they connected over social media, she started liking his posts over the course of about a month, and then dm’d him, and they started chatting from there."
"The crazy part is that to Chris, my ex has a completely different name, but the posts on her profile dated back 3 years, meaning she has had this profile with a fake name for at least 3 years, AND IT'S NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!"
"Chris told us that a few other guys contacted him after the wedding, saying that they recognized her as they had all also got DM’s from her on different accounts, ALL WITH A DIFFERENT NAME."
"There are at least 3 other accounts that we are currently aware of."
"Apparently, ex showed no signs of being obsessed with me or even that she knew who I was."
"He invited her as a +1, thinking that they might eventually get serious as they were having a really good time together."
"He has apologized profusely, but we have made it clear that we do not blame him for this."
"There has been no word currently on what’s going on with ex, but considering her breaching the restraining order and resisting arrest, we assume she will probably end up in prison."
"My wife and I have spoken about it, and if we are contacted by the police, we will absolutely press charges, and my wife will also be getting a restraining order."
"For now, we are going to try and enjoy our honeymoon and deal with the rest of this mess when we get back."
"Thank you, Reddit, for all of the advice and opinions you gave, a lot of perspectives on the situation that I had not considered."
Wow... that is a lot to digest, OP.
Reddit is 1,000,000% with you on calling the police.
Do what you must to stay safe.
Have a great Honeymoon and Congratulations!
