Sometimes, at weddings, there is a surprising or uninvited guest arrival, or two.
Some people just can't help but want to deliver drama.
Old feelings can be thrown around, and the past gets relived.
However, some uninvited guests have far more nefarious thoughts.
That is when action is taken.
Redditor Stunning_Way9393 found himself in a personal dilemma regarding his reaction to his ex showing up to his wedding, so he turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
He asked:
"AITAH for having my ex arrested at my wedding?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"This happened 2 days ago at my (28), and my wife’s (39) wedding, and a lot of people are telling me I’m in the wrong for having my ex (27) arrested, and my wife is saying I ruined the wedding and caused a scene."
"First, a little backstory on my ex, we were together over 5 years ago for a matter of weeks."
"I broke things off because I just wasn’t into her that much."
"She began to pester me over text and social media all of the time to get back together or just hook up."
"This went on for months, and in a particularly weak moment, I gave in and slept with her again."
"At this point, things got a lot worse."
"I tried to explain that it was a mistake, and I still didn’t want anything with her."
"From then, the messages ranged from abusive to begging me for sex."
"Eventually, I just blocked her; from then on, she started turning up at my house, work, and social spaces I went to often."
"She attempted to force herself on me and threatened violence, and at that point, I got a restraining order."
"Since then, I haven’t heard from her in years."
"I met my wife 3 years ago, and she is honestly the best thing in my life."
"We fell in love hard and honestly have a great relationship."
"We got engaged after 2 years and 2 days ago, and finally had our wedding."
"The day was going amazingly until a friend of mine, whom I’ll call Chris, turned up with his +1, my ex."
"I spoke to him, and he had absolutely no idea about my history with her, and we tried to get her to leave."
"After she refused, I decided to just ring the police, 2 officers showed up to arrest her for breaking her restraining order, and she flipped out. She was shouting and screaming, she hurled abuses at my wife and claimed that we were meant to be together, which obviously distracted from our wedding."
"Now my wife is upset with me for causing a scene, and a lot of our friends are saying that I should’ve just ignored it and focused on the day because she wasn’t causing any problems up until the police showed up."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITAH?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"You had a restraining order for a reason."
"I believe she was very well aware of it and knew what the consequences could have been."
"She knew better than to be attending."
"Who knows what plans she had in mind b4 she was taken away?"
"Knowing that she was there and having the fear."
"You would not have enjoyed yourself if you had let her stay." ~ Ppjr16
"So... If you do not enforce the restraining order, that can be evidence against you to have the order ended.
"That is not an acceptable behavior."
"You have to call the police. NTA." ~ thequiethunter
"NTA. Your wife is wrong about this."
"If you hadn’t called the police, she would’ve exploded that your ex was there." ~ Ok-Butterscotch-6708
"NTA. Can you get an annulment?"
"This wife doesn’t seem to be a good match either." ~ SunshinePrincess21
"Definitely not the a**hole."
"I don't understand why anyone would say that was wrong of you to do."
"Clearly, your ex broke the restraining order. "
"Good on you for calling the police, who knew what she could've done."
"It's completely unfair on you for your wife and those who were at your wedding to be acting this way."
"If they knew that you had a restraining order, and what she did to you, and it seems like your wife did."
"Then it doesn't make any sense for her to be acting this way."
"Perhaps you need to talk with her?"
"Congratulations on the wedding, though."
"I hope you were able to enjoy the day apart from what happened with your ex :)" ~ Helpful_Leather8917
"Yeah, that is a big red flag."
"If OP’s wife had a stalker who showed up breaking a restraining order, nobody would blink an eye at having the police remove them from the wedding."
"It seems like OP’s wife and anyone else who is upset is acting pretty sexist, even if it is unintentional."
"It is really clear if you reverse the genders that nobody would be upset at a stalker being removed."
"The fact that OP is a man should change nothing.'
"OP did the right thing."
"I hope his wife is just upset about the situation and not thinking clearly."
"I hope she apologizes for blaming him and not the stalker. NTA."
"UpdateMe." ~ Pippet_4
"NTA. She used Chris to get to your wedding and cause trouble."
"You did what you had to do to protect yourself and your wife."
"I feel bad for Chris, though, poor guy just got in the crossfire." ~ stallion8426
"Your wife is punishing you for doing what any adult in your circumstances would have done."
"I am curious as to how many times your wife has been married."
"Your new wife is 10 years older than you are and acting like your mama."
"Now is the time to sit down with her, tell her you had a restraining order against that unhinged woman, and that your wife's behavior is very worrisome because it shows a real lack of respect for your judgment and trust in your decision-making ability."
"Frankly, if she cannot do better than she has since the wedding, I think you made a tremendous mistake."
"And I would get out now." ~ TSIDATSI
"NTA at all, I doubt this ruined the wedding; if anything, it provided great entertainment." ~ CommunicationNew9520
"Wow. NTA."
"But I have some questions about your 'wonderful' wife."
"She doesn't get that you might be traumatized by having your stalker show up?"
"That maybe you needed to make it clear to this nut bar that she may NOT approach you?"
"Your ex clearly schemed to get into a place she didn't belong."
"I find it pretty red flag behavior that your wife is angry at you and not grateful you're safe and wanting to find out how to keep you that way, especially after your ex's little display."
"You'd be wise to think twice before signing that marriage certificate if you haven't already." ~ mamaallthetime
OP came back to chat...
"Yes, my wife knew I had a restraining order against a stalker, and we spoke about it when we started to become serious.""
"A few family members also knew, but my friends didn’t, as I never spoke to them about it."
"I got a lot of requests for an update on my original post, so here it is."
"It’s been a very long day since I first posted. I have spoken to both my wife and Chris."
"Starting with my wife, we had a very long, tearful conversation about everything from my ex to our wedding."
"I apologized for the fact that I didn’t consider involving her before calling the police, which meant that ex’s outburst when being escorted out came as a complete surprise to her."
"She apologized for the way she reacted and explained that she wasn’t angry at me but is angry at ex."
"The fact that the wedding was ruined and that the focus was shifted away from us and to ex, her anger was misdirected."
"Another reason for the anger is that a lot of guests had no idea who my ex was, so my ex’s comment of 'we’re meant to be together' has apparently led to people theorizing that I had been cheating on my wife with my ex, so we are now having to put out fires before rumours begin to spread."
"My wife is now very much focused on making sure I am ok after all of this, though she is still distraught about our special day being ruined, but we will work through that together."
"On to Chris, this is where things get a little scary."
"My wife and I called him together firstly to check that he is ok, he is, and secondly to see how the hell she’s managed to worm her way into his life in order to get to my wedding."
"According to Chris, they connected over social media, she started liking his posts over the course of about a month, and then dm’d him, and they started chatting from there."
"The crazy part is that to Chris, my ex has a completely different name, but the posts on her profile dated back 3 years, meaning she has had this profile with a fake name for at least 3 years, AND IT'S NOT THE ONLY ONE!!!"
"Chris told us that a few other guys contacted him after the wedding, saying that they recognized her as they had all also got DM’s from her on different accounts, ALL WITH A DIFFERENT NAME."
"There are at least 3 other accounts that we are currently aware of."
"Apparently, ex showed no signs of being obsessed with me or even that she knew who I was."
"He invited her as a +1, thinking that they might eventually get serious as they were having a really good time together."
"He has apologized profusely, but we have made it clear that we do not blame him for this."
"There has been no word currently on what’s going on with ex, but considering her breaching the restraining order and resisting arrest, we assume she will probably end up in prison."
"My wife and I have spoken about it, and if we are contacted by the police, we will absolutely press charges, and my wife will also be getting a restraining order."
"For now, we are going to try and enjoy our honeymoon and deal with the rest of this mess when we get back."
"Thank you, Reddit, for all of the advice and opinions you gave, a lot of perspectives on the situation that I had not considered."
Wow... that is a lot to digest, OP.
Reddit is 1,000,000% with you on calling the police.
Do what you must to stay safe.
Have a great Honeymoon and Congratulations!
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.