When does a houseguest become a squatter or tenant? That might be important information to know as a homeowner.
The laws vary from state to state and country to country, but once a houseguest passes the threshold, getting thrm out of your home becomes harder.
A father dealing with an unwanted houseguest turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
NewSonsofLiberty asked:
"AITAH for calling the cops to remove my ex-wife from my home?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"We’ve been divorced for 5 years, and she’s recently fallen on hard times. I have custody of our kids. This past Christmas break, she didn’t have space for the kids, so I offered to fly her and her daughter out here to stay with me for Christmas break with return flights purchased."
"She refused to leave. The day we were supposed to fly out, she instead took our daughter, but not hers, to church without telling anyone where she was going and missing her flight. Cops were called, they met her at church, and followed her back to collect her stuff. She decided to live with some random lady she met at church that day."
"Fast forward to recently, she’s been kicked out of the 3rd place she’s stayed at, calls me up, and says she needs a place to stay for one night because she has a ride coming to get her and drive her back to Chicago. Next morning, ride falls through, apparently they put in an address in another state, and could no longer make the trip due to work."
"Fine. I let her stay one more week to sort out the ride. That next weekend comes up and now the excuse is that she’s still waiting on her ID to arrive because her wallet might have been stolen, but that the ID takes 10 days and she ordered it before she needed to stay here."
"Fine. I give her one more week because the ID will be in by then. ID never arrives, and I tell her she needs to go. She raises her voice and starts yelling at me in my own home and making wild accusations about the divorce (apparently a judge never signed it and I made everything up in the decree, faked the judges, lawyers and courthouse signatures and stamps)."
"And she claims she was never told she ever had to leave. I’ve had enough, and I tell her she needs to be out by Thursday. I repeat it about a dozen times. My father heard it; the kids heard it; she definitely heard it because she responds by saying she’s not going anywhere until she gets her ID and that I can call the police if I want."
"I come back from work Thursday, and I don’t see her, so I assume she left. I’m spending all day relaxing at home on Friday with no issues. Her daughter comes downstairs at like 8 pm to get some food, and I’m like 'Wtf.' My dad tells me he saw her in my 11-year-old son’s room and that, apparently, she had never left."
"I confront her about it and tell her she needs to go and that she needs to figure this sh*t out because I was clear that she had to leave Thursday. She said she’s been on the phone all day contacting people to get a ride somewhere."
"Today, my mom takes the kids out bowling, so it’s just me and my dad here. I call the police and tell them the situation. They arrive and tell her she’s not a resident and that she needs to leave."
"The cops leave after she packs up her stuff and tells them she has a ride coming to get her. She’s still in the house."
"They said they couldn’t stay because they had other calls. She told them a ride was coming to get her. They said if she doesn’t leave to call them back."
The OP later added:
"She was physically, financially, and emotionally abusive. She had a tendency to make us move every year and would skip town every couple of years."
"On the last one, she was attacking me while her mom was visiting. I finally had enough, told her to never put her hands on me again. She took off with the kids to attend a funeral back home and then decided she was never coming back."
"I filed for divorce, she dodged the process servers for 10 months. When a default divorce was granted, I flew out there, found her, and got my kids back. They’d been homeless for 10 months even though she had a brand-new truck, all her expenses paid, and was getting nearly 3 grand a month in support."
"She got it vacated, got pregnant with her daughter, then dragged the process out for 4 years. The judge maintained custody with me because I’m actually stable and proved that the kids were excelling in school with me. Fun times."
"I’m pretty sure she is mentally ill, but she’ll never see a doctor for it."
"Also pretty sure the last guy she was dating got her on drugs… probably heroin or fentanyl. She disappeared for about 4 months at one point and got picked up by Utah state police. She apparently drove that way, thinking she was traveling towards me, even though I told her I had already moved for a new job assignment."
"She says she left because suddenly her neighborhood was all backward, and that all the people in her town seemed to have been swapped out with other people that she didn’t recognize. Anyway, her car crapped out, and she was trying to hitchhike across Utah with her 7-year-old daughter on the highway. Her family and I managed to get in contact with the sheriff and got her back home."
"But for the drugs, yeah, I’m pretty sure she was on drugs at some point. I could smell it on her sweat back in December. I think she’s clean now."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to protect himself and his children (NTA).
"Call the cops again. And if she so much as steps foot outside, lock the door behind her and don't let her back in. Not even to pick up her stuff. You can throw it to her from an upstairs window."
"She's taking the piss. And she is taking the piss because she knows you'll roll over and keep letting her stay. Pull your shiny spine out and stop letting her walk all over you."
"Sorry if that came across as a bit harsh. I just see a man who's kindness is being abused because he doesn't want to be the bad guy. Protecting yourself and your children isn't wrong." ~ Adelucas
"Get her out now. Years ago, my friend’s uncle let his ex-wife stay for a few days because she said she was getting her place painted, supposedly. First day fine, second day he came home from work and she had cleaned out the entire house. She took everything from furniture, linens, and dishes. There wasn’t even a square of toilet paper to spare." ~ Consistent-Goat1267
"Do not let her spend even one minute in your home ever again after this. She’s shown her pattern of behavior, it’s time to change yours."
"No contact except about any children between you, and I’d use a court-mandated parenting app for that. You can offer to house full-time any children you two have together, but she and anyone else need to find somewhere else to stay.
"If she doesn't have a permanent home address for visitation, your kids shouldn't be going unsupervised to see her since she's abducted them before." ~ coffeemama86
"NTA. You can never, never allow her back in. Seems like she’s trying to stay long enough to establish herself as a tenant." ~ Greenelse
"Wanna bet the new ID has OP’s address on it?" ~ Kr_Treefrog2
The OP provided a quick update:
"The police told me I only had about a week left until she got squatter’s rights—would have been an eviction issue. Glad I called them instead of hoping she’d get her act together and go eventually."
"I was gonna give her until 5 pm to get out before calling the police back. Ride just got here. She’s leaving now. She’s out the house. No longer welcome back in."
"I feel bad for her daughter, though. She’s sweet. I even offered to let her stay for the summer with her siblings while my ex sorts her life out, but her mother said only if she could stay too."
"She knows her daughter is leverage to get people to let her stay with them for free. She doesn't care about her safety, just wants to use her to get free places to stay."
"Since last summer, she’s been 'homeschooled,' which means she plays Roblox and watches YouTube on a tablet all day and night. The bit of structure I was providing here was probably the most normal thing she’s done all year."
"I’m definitely changing the combo on the locks. And I already have cameras all around the house and an ADT alarm system."
OP's ex-wife clearly needs help, but he's not the appropriate person to provide it. A restraining order is probably a better choice for OP.
