As much as it might be nice to imagine families always being able to come together and work things out, sometimes family dynamics can be ugly.
This is especially true where there is divorce involved, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Paulozoo went through an ugly divorce with his wife, with whom he shared custody of their three teen children. His ex-wife had since remarried and had two teen stepchildren.
When she repeatedly showed favor for her stepchildren and even stole items from the Original Poster (OP) and their biological children, he decided to make a statement by calling the police.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for reporting my ex-wife and her husband to the police for stealing my property?"
The OP and his ex-wife shared custody of their three teens, while his ex also had two teen stepkids.
"My ex-wife (39 Female) and I (41 Male) share custody of our three children (16, 14, and 12) equally, and no child support is paid."
"Our marriage didn't end on the best of terms, and we communicate through an app only when required to for the sake of the kids."
"She has since remarried and has a 15-year-old stepchild and a 13-year-old stepchild. Her husband and I do not speak."
The OP's ex-wife repeatedly stole items from him and from their children.
"We've had some issues with my ex keeping property that is mine if the kids have it on her time. It started with a cell phone. I gave our eldest my old phone when one of my ex-wife's stepkids broke his phone."
"My ex then told our oldest that they had to keep it at her house, and she refused to return it, even when I went over there and asked. I was told she had every right to confiscate it. I followed up with an email, and she told me to get over it, and that she would not hand it over."
"The next time our daughter (14) brought some of my tools into school with her for an assignment, but it was a custody exchange day, so she left my house but went home to her mom's. My ex believed it wasn't appropriate for her to have them, so she took them and refused to return them to me. Again, I got a written exchange as proof."
"A judge has let her get away with this in the past. We were back in court six months ago over similar-ish issues. Not with the stealing, but the issues with what our kids were expected to tolerate over there, and the judge insisted custody remain the same."
"Their complaint is that she allows unfair things to happen to them, and there's nothing they can do about it. Like the phone being broken by the step-siblings, and they've ruined other stuff too. My ex-wife just expects them to deal, which has fractured her relationship with our kids a lot."
But the third time was the final straw for the OP.
"This last time was with our youngest. I let him use an old iPod for a class assignment on recent old tech gadgets. Apparently, her 13-year-old stepchild had the same assignment on a different day, and she decided both should get to use it."
"I told her it was my property and she had to return it, got another email exchange, and then I contacted the police."
"My ex gave the stuff back, but she lost her mind over me getting the police involved for 'petty stuff.'"
"She said I could have demanded it back after her stepkid used the iPod, and I told her she wasn't giving any of it back, and what I give for my kids is NOT for her stepkids."
"She brought up how more serious trouble could have come from it, and I told her it would be deserved because you cannot steal someone else's property and get away with it."
"She told me it was just my spiteful side emerging because none of it was a big deal, or I never would have given them to my kids, which I think is the dumbest argument."
"The phone was given because her stepkids broke our eldest child's phone, and she wasn't about to replace it. Our daughter needed tools for school, and it was only for school, and she wanted to return them to me, but her mom said no. Then the iPod was just for our youngest."
"I'm not here to help her stepkids in any way. My ex and her husband and their mom, if she's still in the picture, can do that."
"I hope that she at least thinks twice before doing this again. But at least she's warned if she tries something like this again."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some encouraged the OP to keep evidence in case the police needed to be contacted again.
"OP, tell her, 'You stole my stuff. I asked for it back. You said no. I went to the police, and they came and got it because they didn't think it was petty, you broke the law, and this is what the police are for. If you disagree with them, the appropriate person to argue with is the judge.'" - hitbythebus
"Now she knows how you prove ownership of what she steals, so she's going to avoid leaving a text trail."
"Start keeping receipts in other ways, like actual receipts, taking photos of things before you give them to your kids, or videos of you stating ownership and your intention with the item as you hand it over." - fmlwhateven
"Anything metallic you loan your kids, like tools, you can engrave your name on to. Get an engraver or see if there's someone who offers that service. Very strange behavior on your wife's part. She's not doing those stepkids any favors." - Electrical_Welder205
"He could still just send the messages through the app. Like, 'Hey, our oldest kid has my old phone, just wanted to let you know that I would like it back when he comes home.'"
"You can even make it less aggressive and say, 'Hey, I let our daughter take tools to school for a project, can you make sure she brings them home with her?'"
"The documentation is there, even if she doesn't reply." - FullMooseParty
"Your ex is the one being petty, difficult, and immature about the whole situation. If she had not taken the items in the first place and refused to return them, the police wouldn't need to intervene."
"Also, she stated in the email that she wasn't returning them, but then tells you that you could have demanded them back after the police intervened?"
"As a 39-year-old woman, she is behaving like a teenage 'Mean girl.' Hopefully she learned her lesson and will not try to pull these stunts again in the future." - SnooJokes5955
Others agreed and also urged the OP to explore a possible custody change and child support.
"Teaching kids to steal isn't a good thing. If she's stupid enough to do it again. Something tells me she is, report it, then have a talk to your lawyer about changing that 50/50 to 80/20 in your favor, or talk to you kids and ask them if they still want to see her anymore."
"They are all at the age where they can choose. If you think about it, she basically stole from them items they borrowed from you, so she stole items from them, then left them on the hook for items that if they had borrowed from someone else it would have been on them, and by virtue you that would have had to replace them."
"No mother of the year awards for her." - Misa7_2006
"NTA! That phone incident makes me wonder how often her hatred for you is directed towards your kids. Talk to your kids, and make sure she isn't treating them badly!" - IAteAnotherVeganBrgr
"You need to go back to court. It's not in the children's interest to be mistreated at the other parent's new house." - Playful_Site_2714
"She is alienating her children. The youngest is almost old enough, 13 in many places, to tell the judge that he wants to stop or reduce visits to mom and steps. The older two are probably waiting so that they can do it together, and ask the oldest alone."
"If they have been keeping notes, give them to the judge at the same time you give yours, each person's notes separately." - Freebirde777
"I would document these incidents and consider revisiting custody. I know this probably won't be enough for a significant change, but your kids are at an age where they get more of a say in where they live." - Fatality_of_Choice
Some were disgusted that the kids were being treated this way and anticipated them going no contact with their mother as soon as they were able to.
"If it wasn't a big deal, the cops wouldn't have agreed to intervene. She's teaching her stepkids that this type of behavior is okay."
"Along with putting their kids right in the middle of all this SUPER uncomfortable bulls**t... I've been that kid in the middle (before there were parenting apps), and it is really not cool to do that to your kids."
"These kids obviously know what their mom is up to. OP refers to the daughter asking to return the tools and her mom saying no, and it sounds like OP at that point took it back to the messaging app."
"I very much hope most of this stays on the app, away from the kids, because it can really cause a lot of inner turbulence feeling like you can't make either of your parents happy if they're both telling you different things you have to do to make things 'right.'" - mf0723
"The ex is gonna end up making the kids resent her if she's taking their things and giving it to the step kids or letting the step kids take things that aren't without punishment. Then it's gonna be 'Boohoo, my ex turned my kids against me!! I was the perfect mom, how could my own kids treat me like this?!'" - AcaliahWolfsong
"My stepdad has a double standard. I would get my a** beat with a wooden board for not giving the dogs water, but my brother can do no chores at all and get given his gaming controllers back if my mom takes them. I'm just 10 years older, so I always knew it wasn't my brother's fault nor my mom's."
"She just married an a**hole, and with the nature of working 12-hour night shifts, she wasn't around to really see just how badly he treated me. Now she's in therapy and trying to fix her marriage, while he says there are absolutely no issues and he's happy with how things are."
"I just hope she gives up soon so she can actually be happy for once. This is absolutely in the OP's ex-wife's future, though I don't see her trying to work on ANYTHING like my mom is, unless serious and surprising growth happens. She's going to lose her first kids to this." - piggy_trot
The subReddit applauded the OP for his actions and encouraged him to continue keeping a record of what was going on so that his children could have the best living situation possible.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.