Addiction is an evil savage.
It robs people of happiness and life.
It also robs the people who love and are close to to an addict.
Sometimes, difficult decisions have to be made when trying to help a loved one in the throes of addiction.
There never seems to be an easy answer.
Redditor forgunnesax wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"WIBTA if i reported my mother to the police for stealing my ADHD meds?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (19 F[emale]) was prescribed adderall XR through my university and was given a 90-day supply for the summer since I live far from campus."
"Because it’s summer and I don’t have many responsibilities right now, I haven’t been taking it much."
"I’ve probably only taken around 10 capsules since May because it suppresses my appetite, and I was already tiny to begin with."
"A few days ago, I went to grab one before work and noticed a huge amount missing."
"After counting, I realized I only had 24 capsules left."
"My mom stole them."
"She has a long history of substance abuse."
"She’s abused prescription medications, stolen pills from family members, and overdosed multiple times."
"I found her during one overdose when I was 14, although I wasn’t told that’s what had happened until recently."
"I called her and asked if she stole my adderall."
"She denied it until I asked if she’d test positive for adderall right now."
"That’s when she admitted it."
"I completely lost my sh*t."
"I told her she stole medication I actually need, that she could get in legal trouble, and that I could file a police report."
"Later, my grandmother told me even more about my mom’s addiction history, including stealing medications from a locked safe."
"Apparently, this is very much not the first time something like this has happened."
"That night, my mom and I had a long conversation."
"She admitted everything, was extremely remorseful, and talked about getting help."
"She wants to return to therapy, be honest with her providers, and enter a recovery program."
"It was one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had with her."
"The next day, I contacted my provider because I now don’t have enough medication to last the summer."
"This morning I got a message saying that if I want a replacement prescription, I need a police report."
"I immediately started crying."
"I went to my local police station to ask questions."
"The officer told me that once a report is filed, it’s up to investigators and prosecutors what happens next."
"Here’s my problem..."
"My mom is a single mother with two minor children still at home."
"We’re low income."
"Despite all of her issues, she works hard and helps support my siblings."
"Part of me thinks filing is the right thing to do."
"She stole a controlled substance, left me without medication, and has a serious history of addiction."
"The other part of me worries about what happens if she gets arrested, gets a record, loses income, or makes life harder for my siblings."
"Both my mom and grandmother have made it very clear that they believe 'you don’t do that to blood.'”
"I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is."
"What would you do?"
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... WIBTA"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"'You don't do that to blood' goes both ways... like not stealing from them."
"Like, not putting them in this kind of situation."
"She knew what she was doing."
"YWNBTA... she already was TA." ~ imnotreallyhere-why
"NTA - I think, and I know this is hard, but your mom is an addict and needs consequences."
"I would maybe tell her first, and say I am sorry to do this, but I need my medication, and because of you, I am required to have a police report to obtain it." ~ Street-Length9871
"Fellow A[ttention]-D[eficit]-H[yperactivity]-D[isorder]er on medication here; call the cops."
"It’s illegal to steal ANY prescription medicine from someone."
"It’s doubly illegal if that prescription is a controlled substance."
"As someone who raw dogged university medication free and failed because of it, I know more than anyone how essential medication can be to success."
"She is a grown a** adult who knows there are consequences to her actions."
"Call the police; otherwise, she’ll probably keep stealing your meds and could develop an addiction."
"You’re doing her a favor by nipping this in the bud. NTA." ~ ItsSchuSchu
"NTA. You aren't going to be able to get your STOLEN medication replaced without a police report."
"She needs rehab and consequences."
"If your grandmother is up in your business to this extent, she can take the minor children." ~ C_Majuscula
"YWNBTA. If her addiction is active enough that she's stealing meds from her adult child, are your younger siblings REALLY safe with her?" ~ ghostwooman
"This! Seriously, why is no one else talking about the other children?"
"OP, you need to file a police report to get your prescription."
"In addition to that, whatever happens to your mother after that is the consequence of her actions, not yours."
"Your mom may have told you that she'll stop, or that she'll come clean to her therapist and everyone else, but you cannot trust that."
"She is a drug addict and has likely lied to you many times."
"She will say anything to either get more drugs or avoid the consequences of getting said drugs."
"I'm sorry that you grew up with a drug addict for a parent; that's really not fair."
"I'm sure there are a lot of effects that have had on you that you haven't even processed yet."
"But your younger siblings are still in that situation; you have the power to change that."
"Yes, things will likely seem to get worse at first."
"It's hard to say what will happen."
"Your mother could spend some time in jail, or she may have a lenient judge that doesn't give her jail time as long as she follows certain requirements, such as drug testing and a drug rehabilitation program."
"Those are common options that judges will use if jail time would put the children in the foster home, but that will depend very much on the judge and on your mother's ability to care for her children."
"Clearly, I will advocate that you should file the police report and that you are not the a**hole if you do."
"However, if you choose not to, then you need to follow up and ensure that your mom actually gets the help that she needs."
"Do not just let this go; this is not safe for you, your siblings, or your mother."
"She stole your property, and if she doesn't face any consequences or accountability, then she will definitely do it again, and she honestly has probably done it before." ~ cheetah1cj
"File the police report."
"If she doesn't have a record, the chances of her ending up in jail are small, but it is a possibility."
"Your family is asking you to join their club and enable her."
"Please don't."
"Ignoring your mom's addiction and illegal behavior does not benefit her."
"You need your medication, and she needs help. NTA." ~ Fun-Holiday9016
OP kept her promise, she came back to chat...
"This post is gaining a LOT of traction, so I’d like to add some more context that may or may not change how you feel about the situation."
"I posted this in the comments first without knowing I could go above the character limit when providing updates, but I hope this clears up some concerns regarding my siblings, living situations, etc."
"Although my mother is very low income, we live with our grandparents, who are well off, in a literal 10-bedroom house."
"I live with a good chunk of my extended family on that side, who probably do more parenting/discipline for my siblings and I than she has ever done."
"She is a very permissive parent and has no control over my siblings."
"My grandparents support us financially for the most part, with the exception of my mother paying for car insurance and my sibling’s school activities."
"Regarding my siblings, while they are still minors, they are teenagers and self-sufficient for the most part."
"The biggest thing I'm worried about is what effect the absence would have on them."
"While there is no evidence to confirm any of this has happened in the eyes of the law (I’m pretty sure all I could do is drug test her, and even then it might be too late)."
"She does have two prior marijuana related arrests, as well as a recent warrant she has just taken care of, and several unpaid tickets at the moment."
"She could also be arrested for violating the restriction on her license as well as being in possession again."
"Although I am not in dire need of my medication at the moment since I am not that busy, I will once I start my second summer job and start taking rigorous classes in July."
"One of which is an online biology course I'm repeating, the other being an early morning anatomy and physiology class and lab taken in person."
"24 will not get me through that."
"I could barely manage 9 hours of classes and a very part-time job last semester before starting my medication."
"I had to drop 4 hours off my schedule, and I even failed one of those classes."
"While my grandparents support me financially, they really only help medically if it’s an emergency, like when I got bronchitis and started spitting up blood... lol."
"I'm way overdue to see a gynecologist, E[ar] N[ose] T[hroat] doctor, regular checkups, dental work, etc."
"Part of the reason they assist me in my mental health care is that it was so cheap through the university, and it went to my tuition bill anyway, which they pay for."
"I just texted my grandma our options: going to a private practice (pricey), filing a report, or trying to get it through ADHDonline.com, where I got my diagnosis for cheap."
"However, there is no guarantee the alternative providers will give me adderall, and it’s still at least $400-500 spent in place of a police report."
This is a lot to handle, OP.
So sorry that you have to go through this.
Addiction is awful.
You have to take care of your own health first.
Your mom has put you in a terrible situation.
Stay strong and good luck.
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