Giving birth is never easy.
And it seems like there are always some unexpected scenarios playing out, even when it feels like everything is planned.
But life can’t stop for everyone just because a birth is happening.
Can it?
Case in point…
Redditor DragonValleys wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not ending my vacation early and rushing home for the birth of our grandchild?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 52 M[ale] and my wife were on a two-week vacation in Cancun, Mexico.”
“We’re from the U[nited] S[tates] and planned all year for this trip.”
“And saved up money to be able to go on this trip.”
“We booked and paid before my daughter was pregnant.”
“It was our 6th day there when our daughter’s, 26, boyfriend called us saying she was giving birth, and we had to get on the next plane ride home.”
“We were aware my daughter was soon to pop, but her due date wasn’t until the end of this month. Mind you, these events took place at the beginning of this month.”
“We told him that was impossible.”
“And just to follow their birthing plan and to keep us updated.”
“A few hours later, we got a call from my daughter updating us than asking when we’d be on our way back.”
“And that she really wanted us to be here and that it was taken longer than expected, she was scared, etc.”
“She’s a first-time mom, so it was expected for her to be scared.”
“My wife and I assured her everything would be fine, but we were unable just to pack up and go.”
“She got upset and hung up on me.”
“Hours later, in the middle of the night, we missed a call due to us sleeping, and it was her boyfriend saying there were complications and they were performing an emergency c-section.”
“The next morning we called immediately, and our daughter told us she was scared, and things could’ve gone bad, and our Cancun trip was more important to us than her, then hung up.”
“We tried to call back, but she wouldn’t answer.”
“The baby was born healthy, and our daughter is okay.”
“We have only seen pictures of our grandchild through Facebook because our daughter hasn’t let us see her and has barely spoken to us since we’ve been back home.”
“We had planned to be there for our grandchild’s birth, but we couldn’t leave six days into a trip we spent a large amount of money on.”
“Even if we did, we wouldn’t make it back on time.”
“Even if we did make it back, we couldn’t do anything the doctors couldn’t in the situation.”
“I feel as though our daughter is being too harsh to us.”
“We have apologized many times.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA- you can’t just rush home from another country, and if you had, same-day tickets would have been astronomical.”
“I take it your daughter is mad, but it was a no-win situation.”
“You planned the trip way ahead, and you could not just rush home because traveling from another country doesn’t work that way.”
“Also, there are still Covid procedures in place, so chances are the nurses would have sent you home.” ~ DialPlumeria
“Not to mention that most hospitals in the US are restricting access to those who have traveled outside state/country in the previous 2 weeks, month, 3 months.”
“Adding in that OP and spouse would not need to be there for their own personal health and daughter had other support besides themselves.”
“Add all that together, and I’d be surprised if the hospital didn’t deny them entry!”
“At a minimum, OP and spouse would’ve had to wear masks and be prevented from being in the room.”
“NTA, OP.”
“While your daughter was scared, yes, and her emotions are still all over the place (most likely), you did your best.”
“Babies come when they come.”
“My mom had three premie babies (yes, me included), and for 2 of us, she wasn’t allowed anyone to be with her except medical staff.”
“The third she never got farther than the E[mergency] R[oom], so many more people were present.”
“Yes, she was terrified.”
“Yes, she wanted her mom and her spouse.”
“Yes, times and policies were different, but that doesn’t change the fact that my mom was in a very similar situation to your daughter.”
“Hopefully, your daughter comes around to help in healing this rift.”
“Congratulations to all of you on the new family member.” ~ NightTimely1029
“NTA. Congratulations on the new addition!”
“Clearly, your daughter is acting irrationally.”
“Give it a couple of weeks.”
“I imagine she will find forgiveness when the sleep deprivation hits, fights with the husband start, and she needs your help.” ~ Alarming_Ostrich3864
“The only thing I’m wondering is, didn’t they discuss this upfront?”
“Even though the due date was later that month, there are big what-ifs when you are pregnant and your parents are traveling far away.”
“I know I would have asked my parents what their stance would be on this situation before they went on their travels, just to know what I could expect.” ~ debsterr
“I’m confused?”
“Do people normally expect the grandparents to be witness to their grandchildren’s birth?”
“I personally never heard/experienced this around me. Weird.”
“I wouldn’t even expect my dad to be there, and I love him to death. NTA?”
“I don’t know whatever floats people boats, I guess.” ~ xtinejoi
“A lot of women want their mothers there.”
“A lot. It isn’t unusual because obviously, Grandma has (editing in word: usually since not all parents physically give birth!) done it before – at least once successfully – and in times of crises, people tend to wish they had their parents for support.”
“One of my friends went a bit different had had her M[other] I[n] L[aw] there because her husband needed the support.”
“So the male grandparent figure, not so much, but grandma? Yeah.” ~ Inky_Madness
“NTA. I say this as a mother of 2 with two c-sections, with blood issues and allergy to meds (so no painkillers after the surgeries), with the 2nd baby born in covid maternity, and with all the stress caused by this (baby was covid negative, underweight but healthy, saw him after 2 weeks).”
“You couldn’t have done a thing for them.”
“At my first c-section, the doctors screwed up something because my family saw the other doctors and nurses from the other ORs rushing to my OR, and my family couldn’t do a thing to help.”
“Finally, I got out of the OR alive.”
“Even if you would have tried and booked a flight (losing the trip money) and paid extra for the last-minute tickets, you would have missed the birth.”
“They would have blamed you anyway.”
“Why do I think they’re blaming you?”
“Because it was a stressful event.”
“They weren’t ready. I know how it is to feel alone.”
“But I also know you couldn’t have done anything for them.”
“From the moment they went to the hospital till the c-section, probably passed less than 12 hours.”
“It’s sad that she is upset.”
“I understand her need for comfort.”
“But still, it wasn’t your fault for not being there.”
“I would send her a message in which I would tell her how much you love her and miss her and how bad you feel for the way things happened.”
“And how you hope she will forgive you because you hurt her.”
“She’s emotional, but I think later on she will see both sides of the story, and right now, all you can do is apologize for hurting her.” ~ Dependent-Show2297
“This is the best answer.”
“I’m about to have my second, and I still say OP is NTA.”
“They definitely wouldn’t have made it home in time, and I really feel that since they were abroad, they should quarantine before they ever see the baby anyway.”
“Would they even have been allowed in the hospital in those circumstances?”
“There is absolutely nothing they could have done for her except worry.” ~ Half_Adventurous
“I don’t know why more people aren’t pointing this out.”
“Even had they dropped everything and rushed back, they are still coming back from a week in a foreign country in a crowded plane.”
“During the winter cold/flu/peak covid season.”
“They needed to stay away from mom and baby for at least a week. NTA.”
“ETA: A week in a tourist town in a foreign country.”
“I wouldn’t go near the baby for a few weeks.” ~ Shibaspots
“I’m with you on this, NAH, for not rushing home.”
“But OP comes across in the post as very uninterested and disconnected from what their daughter was going through back home.”
“Things would have probably not been quite so bad if they’d put in more effort to be ‘virtually present,’ or something.” ~ ARJeepGuy123
“All else aside, YTA for missing the call at night when you knew that she was in labor, it was taking longer than expected, and she was scared and wanted you there.”
“You should have been expecting another call with an update.”
“ETA: you had explicitly asked to be kept updated!”
“And you should have had phones on maximum volume.”
“Connected to megaphones.”
“I don’t think the rest is unreasonable, but she would have felt so unimportant to you between that call and the next morning’s callback.” ~ embopbopbopdoowop
OP, Reddit seems to understand your plight.
This is a tough situation.
Life is always throwing curveballs.
Hopefully, everyone can come around and just love the new one.
Congratulations!