Finalizing a guest list for a wedding is never as easy as one hopes it will be.
As be it for budgetary reasons, or owing to limitations from the venue, some people simply aren’t going to make the cut.
In some cases, it can be pretty easy to decide who is worthy of an invite (and the per-head catering cost that comes with it), and who isn’t.
Unfortunately, some people who don’t end up receiving a wedding invitation often still expect one to come, and are not too pleased to discover they were left out.
Redditor Educational_Dinner33 was finalizing her wedding guest list with her fiancé.
Following a recent unfortunate episode, the original poster (OP) and her fiancé eventually found themselves deciding not to invite a close family member of the OP’s.
Upon learning this news, this excluded family member, and several other members of the OP’s family, wasted no time in sharing their shock and anger with the OP over her decision.
Having some doubts about her decision, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding after she made a scene at my engagement party?”
The OP explained why she made the decision not to invite her sister to her wedding:
“Last year, at my engagement party, my sister (who has a history of being the center of attention) made a scene.”
“Despite knowing that my fiancé and I wanted a low-key celebration, she loudly complained about the venue, the food, and even our decision to have a child-free event, which upset several guests and overshadowed the occasion.”
“We tried to calm her down and asked her privately to respect our wishes, but she accused us of excluding her and being selfish.”
“Given this, my fiancé and I decided not to invite her to our wedding to prevent a similar situation.”
“We want our wedding day to be peaceful and focused on celebrating our love without any drama.”
“However, when she found out she wasn’t invited, she was devastated and reached out to family members to say how hurt she was, making me out to be the bad guy.”
“Now, our parents are pressuring us to reconsider, saying family should be together on such occasions and that excluding her could cause irreparable damage to our relationship.”
“I feel torn because I understand the importance of family, but I also believe our wedding day should be about us and not managing potential disruptions.”
“AITA for choosing to exclude her to keep our wedding day drama-free?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not inviting her sister to her wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to want her wedding to be drama free, and her sister’s behavior at her engagement party more than justified her being excluded from the OP’s wedding:
“NTA.”
“First of all, INCLUDING her could cause irreparable damage to your relationship.”
“If she causes a scene again, you aren’t ever going to forget that she ruined your wedding.”
“Second, ‘such occasions’ should include those who love and honor the couple getting married, and your sister has already demonstrated that she isn’t one of those people.”
“Third, she didn’t apologize for her behavior or even think anything was wrong with how she was acting, so there’s zero evidence she won’t behave poorly again.”
“Finally, do not invite her.”
“You can let your parents know that your sister never apologized for how she acted at the engagement party, and they never pressured her to take any accountability for her actions, but are not pressuring you to include her.”
“That isn’t fair.”
“If they want a happy family, then they should have been doing the work to make that happen, not just excusing your sister for her actions and pressuring you to be the bigger person/not make a big deal/whatever.”
“Even if she apologizes now, it is too late, because it wouldn’t be out of genuine remorse, but out of not wanting to face consequences.”
“Please, do yourself a big favor.”
“No, she isn’t invited, no this isn’t up for conversation, yes she will be kicked out if she comes (security at the venue or a few friends ready to act so you don’t have to deal with it.”
“Tell your parents what I said above and make it clear the decision is final and you won’t be speaking about it anymore, not to them or anyone else.”
“If anyone brings it up, have a brief canned answer ‘she had a meltdown at our engagement party, has not apologized, she isn’t invited, I hope we can work on our relationship but my wedding isn’t the time for that, and I don’t really want to talk about it because how she acted is really painful for me’.”
“And then do not engage in any further conversation- walk away, change the subject, literally don’t respond if people won’t let it go.”
“You will be happier just being decisive, firm, and not engaging.”- mfruitfly
“NTA.”
“The older I get, the more I like the City Hall option.”- RoyallyOakie
“NTA.”
“‘We want our wedding day to be peaceful and focused on celebrating our love without any drama’.”
“Exactly.”
“‘She loudly complained about the venue, the food, and even our decision to have a child-free event, which upset several guests and overshadowed the occasion’.”
“So the polar opposite of what you want.”
“It’s your day & you can invite who you choose.”
“Can your parents absolutely 100% guarantee sister is going to behave & not try to be the center of attention/ruin things?”
“If not, go with what you & your fiancé want.”- Apart-Ad-6518
“You know her, so you already know what will happen the day of your wedding if she is there.”
“I can feel the second-hand embarrssment from here.”
“Also, complaining about other people’s events/celebrations is really poor taste.”
“NTA.”- ConfusedGranny0
“NTA.”
“Ask your parents what they will do to guarantee your sister WON’T make a scene at your wedding, and what they will do when she inevitably does.”
“Further, advise them that IF you invite your sister, and WHEN she creates a scene, that it WILL cause irreparable damage to your relationship with both your sister and your parents.”- DrTeethPhD
“NTA.”
“Your sister is already causing drama by complaining about you to family and putting your parents in the middle.”
“Perhaps you could try an alternative response, something that will take your parents and sister by surprise.”
“Instead of looking guilty and explaining yourself to family you could reply ‘this is exactly why I don’t trust her to behave’, ‘This is why she’s not invited, she’s gossiping and complaining about me’ and ‘If she doesn’t smarten up this won’t be the only thing she’s not invited too’ and convey that it’s on her to get back into your good graces and not on you to fix the situation.”
“Yeah a little well placed impatience and anger at sister’s antics instead of guilt will arm you ahead of the wedding.”- Firm-Molasses-4913
“NTA.”
“People are always so surprised and ‘hurt’ when their actions have consequences?”
“You deserve a day for yourself drama free.”- Yay4Amanda
“NTA.
“First and foremost, someone being family doesn’t automatically entitle them to access to you or your life events, especially when it’s someone who is unwilling to respect your boundaries and wishes.”
“As for not being invited to your wedding, your sister is facing the consequences of her actions.”
“Given her actions at your engagement party, she has made it clear that she can’t be trusted to behave appropriately, and I can’t blaming you for not wanting to risk her causing a scene at your wedding.”- Glitter_Voldemort
“NTA.”
“;My sister’s behavior at my engagement party was, by any measurable standard, absolutely unacceptable’.”
“‘We envision our wedding day being peaceful, joyful, and without dramatic outbursts’.”
“‘She has done nothing since that day to show us that she will not ruin our wedding in the same way’.”
“‘If you believe so strongly that she should be in attendance, I suggest you find a way to guarantee she will behave appropriately’.”
“‘Since you cannot, you need to stay out of it’.”- StacyB125
“NTA.”
“And you’re giving her the perfect opportunity to have the attention on her all day, just somewhere else other than your wedding.”
“Being related doesn’t give you a free pass to bring the drama to everyone else’s special occasions.”- Sloppypoopypoppy
“NTA.”
“Inviting your Sister to your wedding will be enabling her poor behavior as she played her hand at your engagement party…. she needs to learn to accept the consequences.”
“If your Parents’ can’t see this, then they are just as bad as her.”
“Maybe they need to be uninvited too.”- OnlymyOP
It’s never a good feeling to be excluded.
Especially by your own family, let alone your siblings.
That being said, the OP’s sister needs to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her.
One can only hope that her lack of a wedding invitation would be the wake up call she needed.