Content Warning: Cancer Treatment, Medical Neglect
There’s nothing quite as scary and emotionally rattling as a loved one going through a terrible illness like a tough cancer diagnosis.
The hope is that when someone is going through treatment, they’ll have a solid support system surrounding them to help them get better, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Many_Addendum_8189 was only nineteen and had just started receiving treatment for her leukemia, which she’d received a troubling diagnosis for.
When her mother thought that the diagnosis meant it’d be money wasted to continue paying for her treatment, the Original Poster (OP) was betrayed, knowing her mother would rather pay for her sister to go to college.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for how I responded to my mom, who wants to stop my leukemia treatment so my sister can afford to go to university?”
The OP received a series of hurtful messages from her mother.
“I (19 Female) have leukemia. It’s been a few months since I started treatment, and it’s been rough, but I’m still fighting.”
“Yesterday, my mom texted me, basically saying she can’t afford both my treatment and my sister’s future. My sister wants to go to Dartmouth.”
“She even quoted a super f**ked up Bible verse about sacrifice (John 15:13) and said that ‘greater love is laying down one’s life for someone else.’ Then she said I should ‘be practical’ because my condition is worsening, and that I should ‘consider sacrificing myself for my sister’s dreams.'”
“What REALLY broke me was that she said, realistically, she’s the one who will choose where the money goes. She also mentioned she talked to Jesus about it, and that’s why she sent me the message.”
You can read their text message exchange here:
The OP’s mother texted her:
“My love, I think it’s very important to be rational and seriously consider what I brought up.”
“John 15:13: Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.’ This also applies to family, my love.”
“Your sister desperately wants to go to Dartmouth. I cannot afford your treatment and her future. With the news we received, it’s really time to be practical, my love.”
The OP’s mother acted as if the OP were already gone.
“You need to take your time with it, but please understand that I’m not perfect, and I’m not prioritizing her over you.”
“It’s just the reality that you’re worsening, and there’s a high likelihood that continually draining our funds towards this end goal is a fool’s errand, because there is really nothing more to be done. Sacrificing her dreams is something you have to consider.”
The OP’s mother even seemed to have her mind made up already.
“I hope you come around and understand. Realistically, I’m the one who will choose, but it’s vitally important you understand my reasoning.”
The OP’s mother continued:
“I would have rather told you this in person, but since you’re not answering your phone or home, I spoke to Jesus instead, and he told me to write you this.”
The OP was flabbergasted, hurt, and angry.
“Is this why you had me update my life insurance policy? Is this why you’ve been pushing scheduling my follow-ups?”
“I’m not gone. I have dreams. I have goals.”
“I’m only one year older than Michaela. Why is she priority over me? I can still beat this.”
“I just don’t understand why you’re all giving up. I’ve only been in treatment for a few months.”
“I can win, and I’ll spend the rest of my life paying you back like I promised and agreed with the contract you had me sign.”
“I just don’t f**king understand this.”
“I’m not going to f**king smile and say, ‘Okay, yeah! Kill me for my sister!’
To make matters worse, the OP’s mother already expected her to pay the treatment money back anyway.
“A few months ago, she had me sign a contract about financial stuff ‘for medical security; to repay her when I got better.”
“I lowkey thought it was a joke at first, but then I realized that, no, it’s not. It’s f**ked up, is what it is. They’re only paying for treatments on the grounds that they’ll get the money back, and now that they think I might not ‘make it’ (as in, be able to pay them back), they don’t want to pay anymore.”
“She’s always prioritized my sister, but this is unreal.”
“Am I overreacting? Or is this as fucked up as it feels?”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that this was terrible of her mother, and they cheered for her recovery.
“I have a 29-year-old friend who beat leukemia, too. She battled for a year and won.”
“You can too. You’re young and you’re a fighter. I see it in your courageous, righteous response to your mother.”
“You can do this!” – majordashes
“Found in time, it’s beatable. It’s really disgusting and sad that a mother would do this.”
“As a sister, this isn’t something I’d accept, either. And even worse, OP has just started treatment. It hasn’t been ten years of fighting and getting worse. Just started. Ugh.”
“You will beat this, OP.” – cakivalue
“My son had high-risk leukemia as a baby. He wasn’t supposed to survive, but kicked leukemia’s a**. It was tough, but he’s 22 and doing great.”
“You got this. Fight on, and I’m sorry about your messed-up mom. You deserve better.”
“Ask your clinic about assistance paying for treatment, and change that life insurance beneficiary pronto.” – Mean_Queen_Jellybean
“What the actual f**k is your mom on about?! Your mom doesn’t know when you’re going to die!! Your sister could get hit by a truck tomorrow!!! Has your sister even been accepted to Dartmouth?”
“I’m not sure if this is your mom’s way of dealing with your illness by putting all her eggs in another basket (your sister), but this is so f**ked up on so many levels.”
“And where is your mom’s faith?! Shouldn’t she pray for you to get better before she gives up on you?”
“I am so sorry! Your mom is horrible, and I’m so sorry she is misusing the Bible to make you feel selfish and guilty. This is so wrong on so many levels. I am just outraged! If you start a GoFundMe, please let us know!”
“I would be honored to help you get better and pray for your recovery and your dreams and your future! And if she calls you ‘my love’ one more time!! She doesn’t know anything about faith or love and is living in fear!”
“We are here to support you on your journey! Please let us know how you are doing? What do you need? This is the craziest story I have ever heard!!” – Dr_momOC
“Oh my god, you are so young… Ugh! Your parents do not deserve you!”
“I cannot imagine doing that to any of my children if they were suffering like that! I would probably ask the kid who wants to go to college to find a grant, find a student loan, and get a part-time job!”
“I would prioritize my ill child first, until they are healthy, and after that, maybe I would help the other child to pay off any student loans due to the fact of. That’s just crazy!”
“I wish you nothing but the best, and I admire how strong you are. Keep staying strong and determined! You will make it through this!”
“BY THE WAY, YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT OVERREACTING.” – AelZS
Others advised the OP to get her own medical beneficiary and advocate, and also not allow her mother to claim her as a dependent on her taxes anymore.
“Update your policy, but do not tell her anything. She doesn’t get access to your personal information anymore. You’ve got this, OP!!”
“Freeze your credit reports. They’re easy to unlock if somebody legitimately needs to have a look at your credit, a doctor or hospital, for example, but anybody else would need legal paperwork to get at it without your permission.” – alsoprettybigdeal
“You must tell your doctor what is happening, and you must connect with the social worker at the cancer center. At 19, they can help you apply for care through Medicaid. You can legally make your own medical decisions.”
“Hospitals can forgive medical debt, and they do in extraordinary circumstances. I’ve never heard of a more extraordinary circumstance than yours. Please know there are people who will fight for you. Your mother’s callousness needs to be outed.” – Popular-Web-3739
“My brother was your age with leukemia, and he’s turning 42 in a few days.”
“The US healthcare system is f**ked. I remember my parents talking about budgeting, worrying about hitting the lifetime cap on the insurance (this is pre-Obama’s ACA changes to caps). And all I could think about was how my dad worked for an oil and gas company —the largest US company by market cap at the time —and here my parents were worrying about hitting the insurance policy limit. One of the more radicalizing moments of my life.”
“Talk to your cancer center and doctor tomorrow, and tell them you need to get on Medicaid and need a plan for getting treatment.” – WeAreTheLeft
“OP needs to get their own insurance, and the mother can go f**k themselves over the money chokehold. If OP isn’t a full-time student, the mother can’t claim them past the age of 19.”
“With their diagnosis, their treatment should be covered under securing individual insurance, and they should look into applying for disability, which will help beef up the level of insurance.” – upagainstthesun
“Don’t let your mother claim you as a dependent on her taxes anymore, either. You will be eligible for all kinds of assistance if you aren’t claimed as a dependent on anyone’s taxes.” – No_Dog1192
“Sweetie, please talk to a social worker at the hospital and see about continued care. I really think you need an advocate.” – Bungeesmom
“Hospital social worker here; please complete healthcare power of attorney paperwork ASAP. Name someone you really trust to look out for you as your medical decision-maker.”
“Your mother’s motives scare me, and it’s never too soon to protect yourself in the event that you lose decisional capacity. And absolutely tell your oncologists as well as the social worker what your family is doing.” – midwest_monster
The subReddit was alarmed by what the OP was going through and could only cheer for her to take care of herself and to find a better health advocate than the false one she had now.