Some of us will naturally be better at some average "adulting" tasks than others, like cooking a delicious meal or creating a perfectly streak-free window or mirror.
That is not to say that we are not obligated to at least know the basics of these tasks, so that we can fend for ourselves when we are alone, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor its_zumari was an adult but still lived at home with her parents and her younger sister, who she was worried about growing up alone in the toxic, very traditional, and sexist household.
When her mother went so far as to demand that she cook for her father while her mother was out of town, because her father would otherwise "starve," the Original Poster (OP) balked and pointed out that he should be more than capable of at least feeding himself.
She asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for not cooking my dad meals when my mom is not home?"
The OP's father was overly dependent on the OP's mother to keep their home running.
"My parents are a very traditional Hispanic couple. The household has become very toxic, because it's so toxic, sexist, and misogynistic."
"My dad is 'machismo' (if you know, you know), and my mother indulges this by bending to his every need. She cooks him meals, cleans everything, and keeps the house running without any help."
"She even pays bills and fills out job applications for him when he wants to switch to a new job, because he doesn't know how to do any of it online and refuses to learn."
When her mother went out of town, the OP's mother expected her to take over her duties.
"I pay internet, garbage, and phone bills for the entire household, plus my car insurance and other expenses. I will take my family out to eat or order takeout for everyone twice per month."
"Plus, I do more than my fair share of chores around here. I keep the areas I use clean, like the bathroom I share with my brother and my bedroom). I rarely go into the living room, kitchen, etc., because I frequently get yelled at for messes that usually aren't even mine."
"Whenever my mother is out of town visiting her sisters or her mother, and I stay home, she tells me that I must cook my father's meals."
"The alternative is that he won't eat. He would rather starve than cook for himself (although, when I go out on the weekends, he will make simple meals, so I know he is capable of feeding himself; he just doesn't WANT to)."
"Even though she asks me to, I hardly ever do it and would just rather be yelled at by her later on for not doing it."
The OP's father was too resistant to her cooking for it to even be worth her time.
"The reasons for this are: 1. He is a grown man who is perfectly capable of feeding himself."
"2. He (and the rest of my family, if I'm being honest) do not like my cooking. I don't cook Hispanic food very often. It's very labor-intensive, and I get yelled at for using things in the refrigerator and pantry that my mom was planning on using for a recipe later, so there's no point in me even trying."
"3. My father refuses to try anything new. If I make a new dish that falls under a flavor profile that's similar to Latin food that I know he would like, he won't try it simply because he's never had it before."
"Sometimes, she will leave a pot of beans on the stove, but that's not really enough for an entire weekend. The thing is, she's not proactive about buying things in bulk, so maybe I need to encourage her to do that instead of going to the grocery store every single day for dinner."
The OP felt caught between a rock and a hard place.
"I want to make it clear that I am perfectly capable of cooking. I know how to cook, and I do it very well. I just cook differently than my mother."
"But when I have limited options, I usually just cook using things I have purchased because I don't enjoy being yelled at for using other people's things. He won't eat the things I make with my ingredients."
"He can cook, but he just refuses."
"But every time my mother is out of town and I don't cook for him, I get yelled at for allowing him to starve."
"So am I the a**hole for not cooking for my dad when my mother is out of town?"
"In case this question comes up, I am saving to move out as soon as my sister is in high school."
"She's 12. I'm waiting until she's in high school to move out. Almost there."
"My parents are very toxic. My mother is an enmeshed mother (meaning she sees my sister and me as an extension of her and doesn't like it when we live our own lives). My dad is emotionally closed off (very typical in Hispanic households), and she deserves better than how overly traditional this house is."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some shook their heads in solidarity, pointing out how absurd it was that the dad wasn't cooking.
"NTA. This is the kind of dude who claims to be more capable than their spouses, LOL." - Thick-Cry-5284
"NTA, OP!"
"This sounds like my dad but without the Hispanic part. When my mother temporarily lived in another state, I would come home once a week, do my laundry, and cook him a large amount of his three favorite foods so that he would eat the rest of the week. We would watch 'Scarecrow' and 'Mrs. King' and 'MNF.'"
"I had to teach him how to cook a hamburger in the skillet (his preferred method), fry potatoes with onions, and make some green beans with oregano."
"He was totally a grown man." - TomeThugNHarmony4664
"My grandfather was in his 80s before he learned how to cook anything that was not done on the BBQ. He only learned because my grandmother fell off a step stool and broke the bone right near her elbow. She could not cook with the cast."
"Now they have eggos for supper one night a week, because in the intervening 10ish years, he has taken on most of the cooking and realizes how much work it is." - _Allyka_
"You expect him to use the stove top? Or oven? Only women use those things. Oh, he could use the microwave, but that’s in the kitchen, too. The kitchen’s a woman’s place, not a manly man’s place."
"And apparently, he can’t use a phone to call for takeout or delivery. Can’t drive to McDonald’s or Burger King drive-thru. But none of this odd behavior is on him, it’s OP’s fault... NTA, if the sarcasm didn't come through." - swordrat720
"Are his hands broken? If not, NTA." - Crowlady77
Others pointed out that the mom should leave meals for her husband to reheat if she was that concerned about him "starving."
"If mom is so upset, why doesn’t she precook meals and dad takes them out of the fridge to heat? Or stock a freezer with easy meals. OP is buying her own food to cook (when home), but he just doesn’t want to try it. NTA." - IcyRich2951
"NTA, let me get this straight, you can't use ingredients your mother might need to use in a future meal, and he doesn't like the ingredients you buy? Do you have a magic wand? That is the only way you can make them both happy. Time to move out. It is 2026, and you need to be free." - hedwigflysagain
"NTA. It's not your responsibility to step in as a proxy in their dynamic."
"She can make him pre-made dinners to pop into the microwave or oven if she's that consumed with what he's eating or not eating."
"He NEEDS to learn to manage without her. Ultimately, she's not doing him any favors. He is a capable human being. You aren't a warden or a nursemaid."
"Unless this is an agreed-upon condition of you living in their home, no, you shouldn't be responsible for your dad like he's an invalid or minor child. He is your parent, not the other way around." - YoshiandAims
"He probably enjoys his simple meals while his wife is gone, and I noticed that OP's dad isn't the one demanding that OP cook for him. My mom always cooked for dad, but now she's gone, he eats exactly what he wants: usually some sort of Girl Dinner, LOL!"
"If he wants to eat somewhere, he does, and he orders delivery sometimes. He is thriving and enjoying life without being told what to do every minute, hahaha!" - MelodramaticMouse
Some agreed and reassured the OP that she was NTA based on the entire situation.
"He can prepare his own food."
"Your mom can leave him food that he can reheat."
"Restaurants and food delivery options exist. Even the kind of food he likes."
"These are all options available to them if they can't or won't accept your cooking. NTA." - SnarkyBeanBroth
"NTA. Clearly, he can cook for himself. If he’d rather starve than cook when he’s got two hands, he deserves it. Keep your peace." - No_Eye_3423
"As OP stated, her parents are a traditional, Hispanic or Latino couple, and typically in those families, the children, more specifically daughters, stay home until they get married, so her moving out might also be going against family tradition/culture. It may not be that simple." - No-Ends677
"Serve him the food you make. If he eats, he eats. If he doesn’t. Tell your mom to start leaving behind meals for him if she’s so worried about him not eating. She can’t yell at you for not cooking and yell at you when you do because you’ve used ingredients in the house. NTA." - virammm
"NTA. My dad is/was the same exact way. He lives in another state now, so I don't know if he's changed, but I seriously doubt it."
"When I was in college, I came back to my hometown (about an hour drive) to go to a friend's birthday party. Mom and Dad both knew why I was coming and they asked that I stop by to visit. I stopped by, hung out for a couple hours, then got ready for the party."
"While getting ready, my mom left to go to work. I was literally gathering my things to leave, and my dad asked me to make him some dinner. I said no because I had to go to the party. He literally whined and tried to guilt-trip me with the, 'After everything we have done for you, you won't do this one thing for me...'"
"I told him that he is a grown man and can make his own food. He knew I had a commitment. He said that he couldn't believe how mean I was and I should just go. I did."
"Entitled, lazy, and passive-aggressive. That's my dad."
"I'm sorry you have to put up with his crap."
"Once, my dad asked me to make him toast." - LilacSlumber
As difficult and annoying as the OP's father might find it at this point in life to learn more about cooking, he clearly needed to learn something for while his wife wasn't in the house, because expecting the OP to do it just because she was a woman wasn't going to fly.
At the very least, he should be able to make sandwiches, eggs and toast, and premade soup to get by.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts