Doing a friend a favor is a wonderful gesture.
But not every gesture ends up being a good idea.
Some people turn favors into drama.
And some friendships just run their course.
Redditor BowlerLeast3021 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
""AITA for refusing to pay my 'house sitter?'"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"A few weeks ago, I (30 F[emale]) caught up with a good friend of mine, Jen (30 F)."
"She was telling me about how much of a nightmare her new landlady was."
"She would enter Jen’s room without knocking."
"She timed her showers and tried to charge her extra for showers over 5 minutes."
"Most recently, she installed cameras in the kitchen and living areas and uses them to watch/eavesdrop on the housemates while she’s away."
"Jen said that she had a new place lined up, but had to wait because the room wasn’t available for another month."
"My husband and I just happened to have an upcoming week-long trip planned."
"I told Jen that if she wanted a break from the nightmare situation, she was welcome to stay at our place while we’re away for the week."
"She gladly accepted."
"So she arrives on the day we leave."
"I gave her a key, told her the fridge is full of wine, and to help herself to anything in the kitchen."
"I showed her how to get onto all our streaming services, and said if she wanted to have a friend over, she was welcome to."
"I trusted her judgment."
"I told her to have a good time, and we left."
"We just got back yesterday."
"A few wine bottles had been opened and finished as expected."
"The kitchen and floor were a bit of a mess, but overall everything was fine."
"I later got a call from Jen asking when I would be transferring her the money for house sitting."
"I kind of didn’t know what to say and paused awkwardly."
"I said that I thought we were doing her a favor by getting her time away from her house."
"She told me that her time wasn’t free, and had expected I’d be paying her something like $500 for the week."
"I ended the call saying that I’d think about the amount we’d pay her."
"I’m not sure, but this seems like a bit of a crazy request?"
"I have no pets to feed, no plants to water, and she didn’t need to do any housework."
"I even live like 30 minutes closer to her work, so it even saved her an hour of day in travel."
"And she wasn’t stuck in the house; she was free to come and go as she wanted."
"Had I not known about her issue with the landlady, I would have just left the house vacant for the week."
"I texted her this morning mentioning the points above, and didn’t think it was reasonable that I pay her for what was essentially a break for her."
"She’s furious now, saying that she was depending on having that money."
"So I’m after your guy's perspective."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITAH for refusing to pay for her for staying at my house?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"No, you do not owe this person any money. NTA." ~ SmoochNo
"Charge her $1,000 for one week's rent and a cleaning fee, like an Airbnb." ~ Ibuilds
"Definitely do this... tell her after thinking about it, she used your house, food, and wine."
"Venmo request her the amount of the food, wine, and what an hourly maid would charge for cleaning and laundry. "
"You didn't sleep in her sheets, I assume."
"When I dog sit, I wash the sheets before they come home, and I leave."
"I leave the house the same way I was left it... if not cleaner."
"You never discussed money, so for her to expect it is ridiculous."
"She obviously talked to someone who does house sitting."
"There is a difference; she needs to get that. "
"Explain that if she really expected payment, then she should have left your home in the same condition you left it in... if not cleaner." ~ shfeba
"This right here."
"Perfect response."
"OP NTA."
"You didn’t ask her to 'house sit.'"
"You offered your place as a break, since her living situation was stressful and she didn’t have options for a month."
"If anything, she should have thanked you and cleaned up after yourself."
"In my opinion, there is more to her landlord situation because Jen doesn’t seem like an honest person." ~ RicinIsSurfing
"NTA, you can’t change the terms of the agreement after the fact."
"If she wanted money, she had to be upfront."
"She's, at best, a bad friend."
"At worst, she’s a scammer."
"She wasted her own time by not being upfront."
"Sucks to suck."
"ETA: stop talking to her. Period." ~ Lacroix24601
"If she was 'counting on that money, ' then it should have been discussed beforehand."
"No matter what her circumstances are, if she expected payment, she should have discussed that amount with you when you first talked about it, before anyone said yes."
"The end." ~ CaptainLollygag
"This is crazy."
"House sitting means you get to stay at a house for free and not have to pay to rent it out."
"My parents' house-sat for a bit when I was a kid, waiting for the period between when our house was sold and their new house was available."
"It was purely to take care of the house; my parents bought our own groceries, etc."
"You were more than gracious letting your friend use your food and wine, especially since they did not clean up."
"NTA, but seriously, your 'friend' is no friend." ~ RosieAU93
"NTA. In fact, this person owes OP money at the going Airbnb rate for a house in your area."
"I bet if OP starts asking to be paid for the Airbnb money, they will stop asking for the house sitting money."
"If the person says they didn't agree to pay an Airbnb fee, OP can tell them that they didn't agree to pay a house sitter fee." ~ todayistrumpday
"OP did not agree to house sitting."
"OP agreed to give her a break."
"There was no condition for OP to pay her to house sit."
"OP was doing her a favor."
"Her pulling this fast one on OP is deceitful."
"My money is on the fact that someone told her to do this."
"If she was counting on the money, why is this the first time OP is hearing about this?"
"Drop the friend."
"She’s showing her true colors." ~ SatoriNamast3
"I think the friendship is already ruined."
"If you continue to be 'friends' with her, it will just be an abusive relationship."
"Things I think you should do..."
"Check all of your valuables to make sure they're still there."
"Check where you keep important documents, and make sure they haven't been tampered with."
"Maybe add another safety measure, like a safe, if you don't have one already."
"Change all the locks in case she had a copy of the key made."
"Double-check windows, etc., to ensure they're still locked."
"Send her a text stating that the arrangement had not initially included payment, so no payment would be warranted unless she was also willing to pay you rent for the week and all items used."
"Also specify that you no longer wish to have communication with her, and to leave you alone."
"That way, if she starts blowing up your phone, you have grounds for harassment charges."
"Don't block her, you would need the evidence if she gives any."
"I know it seems excessive, but she's telling you that you can't trust her."
"Believe her." ~ quandjereveauxloups
"NTA. You need to tell her this."
"You thought you were doing HER a favor by giving her a FREE escape from her current living situation, not hiring a house sitter, and that you didn't need a house sitter."
"You offered your food and drink at no charge as well."
"If she still wants to be paid, then charge her for the food and drink and cleaning fees."
"Either way, I would drop this person as a friend because she's a user." ~ IngrownToenailsHurt
"NTA for sure."
"She didn't mention the money before and assumed she'd be getting 500 from you?"
"She either did that on purpose to force your hand or is fully delusional."
"If you asked her directly why she didn't establish pay, she'd probably go on an unhinged rant."
"Check valuables if you have any, and maybe change locks." ~ DarthBono
"NTA. The only ‘agreement’ was giving a ‘friend’ a break from a nightmare situation."
"Sounds like this isn’t a friend anymore, to be honest."
"If she carries on being furious, ask for the rent for staying at yours and charge her for the wine 🤣." ~ Traditional_Film_636
"I would say hey, Jen!"
"We actually never have a house sitter because we don’t need one."
"I offered you a spot to stay because you seemed to be in a tight spot."
"If this were a job, I would have chatted to you about pay beforehand, or this is something you should have asked me about."
"She also didn’t clean after herself, so really she did the opposite of house sitting." ~ True_Cardiologist160
"Send her an invoice for the food, wine, cleaning, and week of streaming services. ensure it comes to $700 and ask when she will make the payment. NTA." ~ zorbacles
Reddit is with you, OP.
Jen's behavior is outrageous.
If that's what she was thinking, she should have mentioned it sooner.
Stand your ground.
And maybe do a little examination on this "friendship."
Good Luck.
