Making a commitment doesn't obligate a person to uphold it, but backing out generally comes with consequences.
If the commitment is legal, then the consequences can be financial. If it's romantic, it can lead to divorce or separation. If it's with a friend, it can destroy the friendship.
A woman who decided to back out of a commitment turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Lovelywoos asked:
"AITA for backing out of moving with my friend after seeing the actual furniture in the apartment?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My friend (24, female) and I (24, female) had been planning to move in together after she graduates. We agreed that we only sign for an apartment if it works for both of us."
"She's currently in a summer dorm, from where she has to move out by August 25th. We live in Hungary."
"We finally found an apartment that looked promising, when we viewed it, it was still being renovated and barely furnished. Based on what we saw, it seemed alright, and I thought it might work for both of us. Even though the location honestly suited her way more than me. For me the location wasn't ideal at all, but I tried to be flexible."
"A few days later, the landlord said that they choose us. We asked for pictures of the finished apartment, and that's when everything fell apart. The furniture were extremely retro, mismatched and honestly nothing like what we expected. It completey changed the vibe of the apartment, and felt very disappointed."
"It made me question whether it was worth moving into a more expensive place that didn't actually offer me anything better than my current living situation. Meanwhile, my friend wanted to take it anyway because of her deadline."
"I told her that for me, the apartment no longer felt right. We had a slight argument about it, and the conclusion were that we give up the apartment, mostly because of me, my friend would have been fine with the situation."
"Now we have two options: either we keep looking together for a place that works for both of us, I have a 30 day notice period in my current apartment, so I simply can't move right away. Or she focuses on finding a room for herself before August 25th."
"She didn't take it well at all, and I absolutely understand her, from her perspective, this probably feels like I bailed on her and sees it as me letting her down. But at the same time, I don't think I should force myself into a bad, overpriced apartment."
"Especially since we agreed multiple times that if we couldn't find a place that worked for both of us, we'd look for other solutions. Such as, she commutes for a short period, or even stays at my place or with other friends temporarily."
"AITA?"
The OP later added:
"In my country most apartments are fully furnished and ready to move in. I don’t mind the decor, but the furniture (the bed, wardrobe, kitchen, these furnitures werent fully finished when we saw the place) is my biggest concern."
"The place is expensive and the furniture doesn’t really show that. I don’t really care about the vibes, more like my comfort."
"I should have asked more question about the furniture. I don't care about the room aesthetics or the furniture aesthetics, but the furniture is old and run down. And that's why I didn’t want to move there."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was the a**hole (YTA) for putting their friend in a tough position.
"YTA, you're leaving a friend stranded after a commitment because you don't like the aesthetic of some furniture. Read that back a few times." ~ Jumpy-Jello-
"YTA. Forget the furniture...you knew the non negotiable things like location and cost before signing up/applying for the place. You could make your own space in your bedroom with thrifted art and accessories. It seems like you are using the furniture to back out because of cold feet about price and location." ~ poochonmom
"Is there a part of the contract that says you have to keep the original furniture? Whole point of having a place is slowly making it your own, down to furniture. Sounds to me you didnt want to move and found an out, albeit a ridiculous one, instead of being honest with your friend. So yea YTA." ~ ilikesocks16
"Furnished rentals usually consider the furniture part of the lease, and thus you cannot damage or remove them (regular wear and tear is fine)."
"They’re more common in cities and places with a large student or traveler population. The idea is that you move in to a place that’s fully livable, so you don’t need to buy your own furniture or worry about moving with it when you move out." ~ VioletReaver
"I’ve seen places where you can 'upgrade' the furniture, but it’s all at cost to you, you have to leave it behind, and there’s probably a huge pain in the ass approval system for every small thing." ~ Mushimishi
"I've lived in 1 place like that, and my landlady was pretty accommodating about changing out things like the table. It sounds like OP didn't even ask." ~ Stormtomcat
"YTA.Your friend thought you were moving in together, and you're cancelling on her at the last minute." ~ Ryuuji-Akiyama
"YTA if you backed out solely because of the furniture. There are so many tips & tricks to update things at low or no cost. Once you set your intention she relied on you." ~ oy-what-i-deal-with
"You can't typically update things as drastic as the main furniture in the apartment in a furnished rental. Leaving the furniture in the condition you move in, is part of the lease. ~felixfictitious
"Furniture covers, throws, a decorative rug over carpeting, room dividers, wall hangings...there are a lot of drastic changes you can make to a rental without damaging the included furnishings.
"One thing I would insist on - if you can afford it - is ask the landlord to put the mattress in storage and buy your own. A comfortable bed can make all the difference in the world. Also, fear of bed bugs would be freaking me out. I've dealt with an infestation and it's a dealbreaker for me." ~ dianebk2003
"YTA. If it was 'overpriced' for you, you knew that way before the furniture issue, and prior to applying. So, you bailed and now she's short on time." ~ BefuddledPolydactyls
"YTA. If you didn’t like the apartment, you should’ve said so from the start so your friend could have more than a couple weeks to find a new place." ~ cablemanagement1
"YTA. You applied for and got approved for a place, knowing she has a tight deadline and now you are backing out." ~ ad_explorer
"YTA a bit. I understand that applying to the apartment isn’t the same as signing the lease, but applying does imply that you are willing to sign the lease. You already didn’t like the location and the price, I think complaining about the furniture is an excuse to back out of a lease you never wanted."
"NTA for not signing, but YTA for letting it get this far. I don’t blame your friend for being angry that you changed your mind so late." ~ Ok-Investment9992
"YTA since you bailed on her last minute. If furniture is a big deal, don't agree to places until you see it." ~ Entire_Broccoli_9019
"YTA - the onus is now on you to find something better that works for both of you. You have essentially fucked her timeline by being fussy." ~ Upper-File462
"YTA, you're leaving a friend stranded after a commitment because you don't like the aesthetic of some furniture. Read that back a few times." ~ Jumpy-Jello-
"I'm on the fence and require more info. How long are you planning on staying in this apartment? How bad is the furniture REALLY? What do you mean by 'retro'?"
"If you are only staying for a year or two, why can't you make do before you move on and get your own furniture? People use furniture covers if they aren't thrilled with how it looks."
"If there are 'critters' in the furniture then that would be a 'hell no' but you can't tell from photos."
"So why are you really balking about moving in? Do you have champagne tastes? Did you change your mind and just come up with this excuse?" ~ franklinchica22
"One thing is for sure, this friendship is 100% over. The friend will cut off contact with OP and find her own shitty place at the last minute. ~ MudReasonable8185
"YTA, hopefully the rental market doesn’t decide to cruelly remind you YTA everyday for the next 12 months. She’s way more savage than karma." ~ the-B-from-App23
"Yeah, I think YTA here - most apartments aren't furnished to begin with, you're expected to bring your own, and most people living on their own for the first time have less than ideal furniture that they thrifted, got from family, found cheap, etc..."
"In most cases, furniture would not be considered a deal breaker, and it sounds like you're focusing too much on 'vibe'. Basically, you've left your friend in a bind last minute for what seems (from what you've said here) a pretty superficial reason." ~ Witty-Draw-3803
OP may have made a commitment without knowing all the details, but they gave their approval anyway and left their friend in a very tough position when they changed their mind.
