Most of us have gone through the frustrating process of sharing a space with a roommate and eventually having to sort out who will take what when they move out.
But when you know you're the one who purchased an item, it should be obvious who should take it with them, pointed out the people of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Vivid-Technician-829 shared an apartment with a roommate for about half of a year and spent a fair amount of time and money styling their apartment.
When she suddenly wanted him to move out, it only made sense to the Original Poster (OP) to take the home decor he'd purchased with him, despite his former roommate's protests.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for taking everything that's mine when my roommate asked me to move out?"
The OP thought that things were going well with his roommate.
"My (21 Male) roommate (21 Female) and I moved into an apartment together about five months ago."
"We're friends, and she was the one who found the place and put me on the lease to sign."
"I was nothing but respectful as a roommate. We split chores, I did my dishes, and there wasn't any tension between us, or so I thought."
But one day the OP's roommate really surprised him.
"One day, while I was out, she texted me saying she needed to talk when I got home."
"When I returned, she sat me down and told me she wanted me to move out. She said she didn't think she wanted to continue living with me."
"She'd already talked to the landlord and set a move-out date for January the first."
The OP did his best to make the transition as smooth as possible.
"I was blindsided but didn't put up a fight. I decided to leave as quickly as I could because why stay somewhere I'm not wanted?"
"I scrambled to find another place, and in the process, I realized something important: I paid for pretty much everything in the apartment."
"The plates, couch, TV, router for the Wi-Fi (which I also paid for), and all the 'cool stuff' in the apartment were purchased out of my pocket."
"So, I told her I'd be taking everything I bought when I moved out."
"She said, 'Okay.'"
"On the day I moved out, I rented a truck and took all my things."
The OP's former roommate was infuriated that the OP took items she felt entitled to.
"She wasn't home, so when she came back to the apartment, it was basically empty. She freaked out and started texting and calling me."
"When I answered, she went on a rant about how I 'shouldn't have taken everything,' how bad the apartment looked now, and how she was supposed to explain the situation to her friends."
"I calmly reminded her that I'd told her I was taking the things I bought, and she agreed."
"She hung up on me but then started telling our mutual friends what happened."
"Now some of them are calling me an a**hole for leaving her in a 'bare apartment,' while others say I did the right thing because it was all my stuff anyway."
"For what it's worth, I didn't leave her with nothing. I left the mini-fridge (though I took the liquor that was inside it), so I feel like I was considerate enough."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that all he had done was take his belongings with him.
"NTA. She wanted you gone and you took your belongings with you. That's normal and expected. You should never leave a roommate to deal with things that don't belong to them." - Ok-Try-857
"If she didn't want you as a roommate, she can't expect you to leave your things behind. It's fair to take what you paid for. Plus, it sounds like you were considerate with the fridge!" - LilianaLuxes
"NTA. If your stuff's there, you're there, therefore you need to continue paying rent."
"You're not there. Your stuff's not there. You have no obligation to her whatsoever!"
"She f**ked around and found out. Tell your 'friends' that they are welcome to furnish your former roommate's, not friend's, home if they feel so strongly about it, but she isn't your responsibility."
"NTA. Good luck!" - Entry-Party
"NTA. She kicked you out and then expected you to leave all of your belongings behind? Like, what do you mean?"
"She agreed that you would take your stuff with you, so it's on her for not thinking what that meant through. It's not your job to furnish her apartment after she decided she didn't want to live with you anymore." - Sweethearrtt
"She let you pay for the apartment she wanted. When she got it looking good, she asked you to move out. She NEVER really expected you to take 'everything' you bought."
"Poor baby, out there getting what she deserved... NTA." - Ok_Resource_8530
"In what world do you get kicked out of a place (with no reason or warning) and leave parting gifts for the person who essentially rendered you homeless?"
"NTA. She kicked you out with no explanation. It honestly feels like she was using you to furnish the place and once she got it the way she liked it she decided you were no longer useful and kicked you to the curb."
"This is not a friend and any friends who are siding with her aren't either. She flat-out screwed you over and gave no explanation or warning. You owe her nothing and you'll need your stuff for your new place."
"Actually, if you really wanted to be difficult, you could probably look into suing her. In most places, eviction laws are pretty clear, and you were given no warning, and she went behind your back and told the landlord you were moving out before she even brought it up with you. Seems pretty shady to me."
"NTA, but for New Year, you need to get yourself the gift of better friends." - acegirl1985
Others shared similar stories to the OP's of only taking what was theirs.
"NTA."
"This reminds me of another Reddit story about a renter who built a beautiful garden in the backyard of a house she rented. The landlord then informed her that he was going to sell the property and she'd have to relocate."
"She found another house… and took the garden with her. All the garden components were above ground in planters and other structures."
"When she moved, the landlord started to harass her for taking all of it with her since the house details included pics of the garden, which raised the overall property value."
"You only took what you brought with you. Your ex-roomie can kick rocks." - Srvntgrrl_789
"There is an even better one where a guy moves into a cheap apartment, and asks if he can remodel it, and says he will return it back to original condition when he moves."
"The landlord said it was okay, and he remodeled with a signed contract saying he will return house to original condition. He worked at a company for high-end model homes, and was able to take the whole kitchen and put it in the apartment in a week, placing all the old kitchen in a storage unit."
"The landlord dies, and the daughter comes and sees how nice the apartment is, and then evicts the renter, saying she is selling the place. She takes pictures of the place to show in the ad."
"So, he spent a week taking out the remodeled kitchen, and putting it back to original, and the daughter was pissed. He shows her the contract, and she is left with an apartment she can't sell for what she wanted." - Frocking-Fox
"My BIL remodeled a bathroom in a house he was renting. The home owner passes the responsibility of the house to his brother, who decides to evict my BIL and up the rent due to the remodel."
"I told him he was nicer than me. I would have cut out the drywall from the shower and taken back the tiles I had paid for. I would have converted it back to the unfinished bathroom they had started with." - TheRealKrabbiPatti
"I remember a story a long time ago of an adult living with their parents and they added/kinda reno'd their room and added I think Alexa's and smart tech to the room and house on their own dime."
"Parents saw the glow-up and told their son that they were moving into the son's room, though I can't remember if they were intending a room swap or asking the OP to move out entirely."
"Either way, the OP moved out and took everything with them, and their parents weren't happy because 'he ruined the best room in the place' or some s**t like that." - perpetuallyxhausted
"I just moved out of an apartment. When I moved in, the landlord explained he didn't have a spare washer/dryer for the unit and I said, 'Great, I have my own!' (They were brand new LG smart set I had just bought in 2020. This was about 2021 when I moved in.)"
"Fast forward to now when I'm moving out. He's doing the inspection and he's making a big deal about where the washer and dryer is, and I was like, 'Uhhh? They're mine?'"
"The guy straight up accused me of stealing them! So I had to scramble and find the Best Buy receipt from almost five years ago, which thankfully I found in the app, and photos of the machines in the apartment."
"The jerk didn't even admit he was wrong when I sent the proof. He never even responded."
"I still owe the a**hole 1500 dollars ON TOP of the deposit he's keeping because he wants to rip up the carpets because I own cats. Landlords are scammers." - Lmaoooohnooo
The subReddit couldn't understand where the OP's former roommate was coming from, let alone the mutual friends who were defending her.
It was clear that the former roommate had viewed the OP as some form of ATM for styling her apartment, and she somehow believed that moving the ATM out would somehow land her with the interior design of her dreams.
Now, she had all the space to recreate what the OP had designed and paid for, out of her own pocket.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.