Pets are part of the package when entering a relationship.
Asking a loved one to rehome a furry family member never goes over well.
Love will turn bitter real fast.
Redditor ThrowRACatsoverBF wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for saying my cats were more important?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:r
"This weekend I had been hit with this drama that I’m really sick of, and my best friend suggested I post here, hence the throwaway."
"To start off, I (26 F[emale]) have three cats, each one I adore."
"I have a 6-year-old tuxedo named Oakley, and a brother and sister brown tabby duo named Kai and Nya, both 2 years old."
"I also have a boyfriend, I’ll call him Felix (27 M[ale]), whom I’ve been with for the past 6 months."
"Felix has been coming over more often and is beginning to get annoyed with the cats."
"They mostly ignore him, but they, especially Kai and Nya, are usually attached at my hip."
"He complains that he can’t cuddle me some nights he stays over because the two are almost always curled up against me, on top of me, or in my arms."
"Shutting them out isn’t an option because the few times I did, they wailed and Felix then complained he couldn’t sleep because of their crying."
"So I ended up just suggesting we stay at his house then, but he doesn’t want to because he has roommates, that and I refuse to stay more than a night without going home to care for the cats."
"This all came to a head this weekend."
"He came over, we had dinner, watched a movie, and were heading to bed."
"When, like clockwork, Nya and Kai come and curl up next to me. "
"Felix finally snapped, I guess, and told me he couldn’t keep doing this, and that the cats had to go."
"I immediately told him, 'Absolutely the f*ck not, and that I’d choose the cats over him every time. I have had them for years (Oakley since she was a year and a half, and Nya and Kai since they were 7 weeks). In addition to that, Oakley was one of the last shreds of an older cat of mine I still had.'"
"He asked me, 'Are you really choosing cats over me?'”
"I told him that if he was going to make me choose, then yes, I was."
"He got pissy and stormed out, and when I told my mom about it, she told me I wasn’t wrong for choosing the cats, especially considering the experience I have from losing two very important cats from when I was younger, but I could’ve worded it better, and I was a bit of an a**hole for how I told him."
"But when I told my best friend, she was on my side 100%, telling me Felix was being an insecure a**."
"So now I’m conflicted."
"I’ve tried to message Felix to talk, but he hasn't responded."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Was I really an a**hole in all this?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Lol... Mr 6 months really thinks he’s more important than cats you’ve had for years?"
"Anyone who truly cares about you wouldn’t try to guilt you like that anyway. NTA." ~ fomaaaaa
"6 months is NOTHING."
"He can go pound sand."
"The cats were there before him and will be there after him."
"She made concessions (closing cats out or spending time at his place)."
"He declined and refused to compromise."
"If he is doing this already, imagine down the road?"
"OP did the right thing, kicking his butt to the curb."
"Hoping the next partner will appreciate and love the cats as much as OP does."
"They are (and should be) a package deal." ~ Corgi_Cats_Coffee
"Stop trying to contact him."
"He tried to give you an ultimatum in your own home about your family."
"That's controlling and unacceptable."
"Stop obsessing about how you answered him and focus on what HE said to you. "Felix finally snapped, I guess, and told me he couldn’t keep doing this, and that the cats had to go.'"
"EXCUSE HIM?"
"Who the F does this dude think he is giving you orders?"
"Please stop being silly, see this for what it is, grow a spine, and get PISSED."
"If you speak to him, the only thing you should say is: 'You will never boss me around or tell me what I 'have to do' in terms of my life, my cats, or my home.'"
"'Never. Your behavior was unacceptable. You don't make decisions about my cats. Ever. Do it again, and you will be gone from my life."'
"That's all you say."
"If he doesn't apologize for his unacceptable behavior, to the trash with him." ~ Even_Budget2078
"You’re dodging a bullet."
"Dude is insecure and jealous of cats."
"Let that sink in."
"He’s the one who made it a choice."
"He lost, rightfully so. NTA." ~ phtcmp
"NTA, anyone who gives you an ultimatum like that doesn’t care about you to begin with."
"I have freaking Madagascar hissing cockroaches, three cats, and a dog."
"My partner loves and accepts them all (okay, maybe he doesn’t love the roaches….But he accepts them!)."
"You can find someone who loves your cats as much as you do." ~ sl*t-for-pickles
"NTA. And good for you for saying that to him and not putting up with childish ultimatums!"
"Getting pissy about sharing attention with your pets is a HUGE red flag." ~ LogicBrain467
"He was confident he had you on the hook, so he decided to try a test and see if he could get you to give up your cats for him."
"If you didn't have cats, it would have been a friend he didn't like, or a coworker he would have insisted was trying to hit on you and you had to stop talking to, or a hobby he hated because it took up all of your free time."
"He was shocked at your response."
"Likely, this relationship is over."
"His confidence has been shaken, and if he doesn't break up with you immediately over this, he'll find another reason soon. NTA." ~ LissaBryan
"NTA. The cats were there before him, and they’ll be there after him."
"Sounds like they’re helping you dodge a bullet here." ~ ZlotaNikki
"To be honest, I get Felix's side of the story because my partner too has an attached to the hip cat who loves to curl next to him, but if we move her, she will sleep at the head of the bed over his head... lol."
"I’ve accepted and have love for her now, but I did get annoyed at some things."
"But I wouldn’t pick a man I just knew over cats."
"They just aren’t worth it; always pick the cats." ~ throwawaygirl1011
"NTA. Change your locks, get a camera, and ghost this guy."
"If you allow him to stay, HE WILL ABUSE your cats and/or accidentally let them out to a group of coyotes or to a kill shelter."
"You KNOW he is unsafe, anything g happens to them-it will be completely your fault and choice if you keep him around." ~ Free-Place-3930
"NTA. In my opinion, there’s absolutely no question here."
"Pets you already have come before a relatively new significant other."
"If they can’t love your fur babies, they can gtfo."
"I might be persuaded to feel differently IF he were like deathly allergic and got sick every time he came over… but honestly, I’d probably say that makes us incompatible, and end up breaking up anyway."
"Any partner who says 'it’s me or your pets' should be kicked to the curb."
"He brought it up."
"It’s his own fault."
"Don’t back down."
"Don’t apologize." ~ Nishikadochan
"NTA. I'd be very worried if I were you."
"Romantic partners with this attitude towards pets have a tendency to act on it."
"Harming, 'losing,' or rehoming their partners' pets under their noses."
"Even if he doesn’t do something like that, if you’re still with him when these cats are gone, he’ll probably be very against ever getting more. "
"If you want cats in your life consistently, he will be a problem."
"Aside from issues directly related to cats being THIS jealous and antagonistic over pets is a massive red flag in general." ~ Chromunist_
"Ahahahahahahahaha, this is f**king glorious."
"Obviously, NTA."
"I am married to a very good man, and if he ever pulled a stunt like this, the cats would win."
"The cats always win."
"The cats should always win."
"Boy, bye. ✌🏻." ~ JulieJoy
"NTA. Even if it wasn’t about living beings that are entirely dependent on you for all their needs."
" He’s only been around for 6 months and is already throwing tantrums and making one-sided demands of you to sacrifice what you care about to please him."
"Not good boyfriend material." ~ ceziate
"NTA because he was the one who framed things in that way by announcing that the cats 'had to go.'"
"With him phrasing it like that, you either had to push back or acquiesce."
"With people who don't get how important pets are to pet-lovers, you have to make it starkly clear to them, or they think they can just bulldoze through because to them pets can be just made to 'go.'" ~ kurokomainu
"He wants you to LET GO of your cats for him?"
"I think you need to let HIM go!" ~ Jhilixie
Reddit is 1000% with you, OP.
Bye-bye, Felix.
Stay firm, love your cats.
You and your cats are a package deal.
