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Woman Gives Her Husband An Ultimatum After His Infatuated Coworker’s Demands Get Out Of Control

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Many of us have someone at the office we jokingly refer to as our “work husband” or “work wife.”

But for one woman on Reddit who goes by the username coworkerthrowaway999, her husband’s connection to a coworker got just a bit too close for comfort, and she felt forced to issue an ultimatum that left her feeling like she may have overreacted.

So she took her dilemma to the “Am I The As*hole” (AITA) subReddit to pose the following question to her fellow Redditors:

“AITA for telling my husband he is either married to me or his co-worker?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained her thorny situation thusly:

“My (37f[emale]) husband (40m[ale]) has been working at his company for 10 years as a maintenance supervisor. About a year ago they hired Tabitha* to work in their accounting department. Since the day she first started working there, she has had an infatuation with my husband that is now becoming unprofessional and inappropriate.”

“This started when the heat went out in her office. My husband’s job as supervisor is to assign tasks to his employees, however, she is never satisfied with the work they do, even though he says that they do great work, so she demands he work on her office. She constantly calls him on his work phone for mundane things (carpet is loose in a corner, loose screw on her coat hook) and he goes and fixes them without issue.”

“Last year when we went to the company Christmas party (pre-plague times) she was very flirty with him, constantly grabbed his hand. When he introduced us she just grinned at my and said “look there’s Peter,” and grabbed his hand and walked away. When we sat at the table she damn near pushed me out of my seat to sit next to him, and my husband told her to get up that it was my seat.”

“She walked off in a huff, and when she saw me in the restroom she shoved past me. I told my husband what happened and he said it was fine, that she was harmless. I told him that she was not fine, and that she clearly had feelings for him and she was acting like a jealous girlfriend.”

“The past few weeks this has ramped up to an astonishing level of inappropriate. She recently moved into a new house and my husband and some of the other guys from work helped her move and put things together. He gave her his personal cell phone number, and she has been calling and texting non-stop about things she needs help with.”

“Multiple times a day at all hours of the day and night she will call and text him for help. Last night at 2:00AM she called about her heat not working right. My husband said he would go over and look at it after work.”

“I broke down. I told him he was not going, that she could call a technician like everyone else, and that he is not her personal maintenance man.”

“I told him very clearly that she has feelings for him and he is so dense he can’t see it. I told him that while it is nice to help on occasion, she calls him all the time asking for help with things that she can do on her own (move boxes/furniture) or pay to have a repair person come and fix. I told him that once he gave out his personal phone number that he crossed a line, and I am not comfortable with it.”

“He said that this will most likely be an easy fix and it won’t take long, so I cried and told him that he can either to be married to me, or married to her, but I wasn’t going to be the third wheel in my own marriage.”

“He says he does not have feelings for her and that I am overreacting to him just wanting to help a friend. I feel otherwise.”


OP’s fellow Redditors were asked to judge who’s in the wrong in this situation using the following categories:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Their verdict was decisive—and OP wasn’t the only one who was suspicious of this relationship.


“He might be blind to the crush (but, uh, doubtful), but you’re telling him how aggressively she’s treating you.. and he doesn’t seem to care.”

“Trust your gut here, OP. I don’t think you’re on the wrong track with what you’re suspecting.” —Oxbridgecomma

“Hes not blind to the crush. He is fuc*ing her every trip to her house.” —TrimmedAndBurning

“NTA. Buy new locks for your house and when he goes over there despite your request not to, change them.” —2catsaretheminimum

“If they haven’t done it yet, she’s 1000% going to take this “heater fixing” as a chance to throw herself on him.” —WhisperedLightning

“NTA. This is disrespectful to you in every single way and crosses so many lines. I would tell him that either calls her in front of you and lets you know that she is not to call him about anything outside of work, and NEVER outside of work hours again, or you’re done. I honestly think you should pack a bag and stay somewhere else for a while. If he doesn’t care then, he’s having an affair, and you should end this and walk away. This is not normal behavior…” —crystalzz2000

“NTA- I’m not sure what to say but he probably won’t get it until she physically makes a move. Some wise person said once that men come in two types. Either they think all women love them or they think women are incapable of loving them. If he is the second it’s going to have to literally smack him in the face.” —reality-bites-

“NTA. He can be pure as the driven snow and she can still get him in big trouble if she decides to play the scorned woman. It is HIGHLY inappropriate for her to be calling him to come alone to her home, it is HIGHLY inappropriate for him to go there. One of them is looking for trouble.” —tphatmcgee

“He isn’t dense. He knows. He digs it. Doesn’t wanna admit it. I’ve seen this about 10x in my life. Never ends well. Ultimately it’s a sign his focus can’t stay on you — for whatever reason” —papiwablo

“Yes… OP… he isn’t “blind to the crush.” He gave her his personal cell phone because he wanted to. You’re right to tell him to choose; don’t back down from that. Right now he’s choosing her.” —ThaneOfCawdorrr

“Oh he is 100% enjoying it. No doubt. No one can be that blind.

OP is definitely NTA” —Agirlnamedsue2

You know what the old old adage says: “If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck.”

Written by Peter Karleby

Peter Karleby is a writer, content producer and performer originally from Michigan. His writing has also appeared on YourTango, Delish and Medium, and he has produced content for NBC, The New York Times and The CW, among others. When not working, he can be found tripping over his own feet on a hiking trail while singing Madonna songs to ward off lurking bears.