By making the decision to get married, you are essentially committing yourself to your partner.
This doesn't necessarily mean spending every waking moment with them, however.
Indeed, everyone has personal interests, hobbies, and activities that their spouses don't enjoy, and thus do so without them, and without conflict.
Some people even take extended vacations without their spouses.
The mother of Redditor WarmCycle6552 was planning an international visit to see her son for the first time in over a year.
With this in mind, the original poster (OP)'s husband wanted to take his mother on a very special trip.
However, the OP was less than pleased by the idea of this trip, primarily owing to the timing of it, and wasn't afraid to say so to her husband.
After being told she was overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not wanting my husband to leave me alone with our newborn for an entire weekend to take his mother sightseeing?"
The OP explained why she urged her husband not to go on a weekend trip with his mother:
"I am currently pregnant with our first child, a baby girl."
"My husband and I got married recently."
"He is originally from another country and moved here for work, which is where we met."
"He hasn’t seen his family in over a year, and I completely understand how much he misses them."
"The issue started when he said he wanted to pay for his mother to come visit after our daughter is born."
"I wasn’t comfortable having visitors during the first month postpartum.'
"From what I’ve learned and from talking to women who have already given birth, those first weeks can be physically and emotionally difficult."
"I’ll be recovering from childbirth, dealing with postpartum bleeding, adjusting to life with a newborn, and hopefully establishing breastfeeding."
"I’ve never met his mother in person, only spoken to her on the phone."
"To be fair, I made the same rule for my own family: no visits during the first month unless specifically arranged."
"I suggested that his mother come about a month after the birth and stay as long as she wanted."
"After some disagreement, he eventually agreed."
"I also told him I was completely fine with him showing his mother around the country while she was here."
"I only asked that he let me know in advance so that if I needed help, I could arrange for my mother or sister to come over."
"The conflict escalated when he told me he wanted to spend an entire weekend in a city about 8 hours away by car."
"For context, I’ve never even visited that city myself despite being born and raised here."
"I told him I wasn’t comfortable being left alone with a newborn for an entire weekend while he was that far away."
"I suggested plenty of alternative destinations and activities closer to home."
"We live in a country with countless cultural and historical attractions, so it’s not like there aren’t other options."
"He said he really wants to visit that city and believes his mother would enjoy it."
"I suggested that she could always come back in the future and we could make it a family trip when our daughter is older, but he didn’t like that idea either."
"I eventually told him that, in my view, the main purpose of this visit is for his mother to meet her granddaughter."
"I have no issue with them doing tourist activities, but I don’t think it’s reasonable for him to leave me alone with a newborn for an entire weekend so soon after giving birth."
"I also told him that paternity leave is meant for helping care for your child and supporting your recovering partner, not for taking vacations."
"If he feels comfortable leaving us for an entire weekend during those first months, I don’t understand why he would need three months of paternity leave."
"My husband thinks I’m being overly emotional because of pregnancy hormones and making a bigger issue out of this than necessary."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for not wanting her husband to go on vacation with his mother.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to be upset, as her husband was clearly prioritizing his mother and himself and not thinking about his newborn child, which many saw as an worrisome sign of things to come:
"NTA, and him dismissing your clearly articulated arguments as 'overly emotional' fills me with rage."- Delicious_Train6929
"NTA."
"What is up with the comments saying 'Oh, why can't your mother and sister help?'"
"BECAUSE THE HUSBAND HELP MAKE THE BABY, NOT THE MOM AND SISTER."
"Husband needs to be there for his wife and help with the baby HE helped create."- weeb2242
"NTA."
"There’s a massive difference between 'showing his mother around the country while she’s here' and travelling eight hours away for an entire weekend leaving you alone with the newborn."
"However, this type of idiocy isn’t usually fixable."
"Sounds like this is reflective of his views and values."
"Good luck."- razzledazzle626
"NTA."
"A whole weekend away even with a 1-mo old baby?"
"Wow, men have it so easy."
"You're right."
"Paternity leave is for men to be fathers and care for their wife and child."
"He should be there for you during those stressful times especially since it's your first child."- thinkingbell955
"NTA."
"Have you two talked about your expectations on how much he's going to help?"
"Because there seems to be a fair bit of disconnect going on."
"Sounds like it's 'your job' to do childcare while he gets to run around and sight see and have a good time."- doctorpotterhead
"NTA."
"Do NOT let him blame this on hormones."
"I hate that so much and it's a cop- out for bad behavior on his part!"
"You sound perfectly reasonable to me and not hormonal at all."
"He is the one being unreasonable with his desire to run around sightseeing while you recover and take care of a newborn."
"He is not being a supportive partner at all."- Spiritual_Emu_1381
"NTA."
"All your points are very healthy and reasonable, all of his points are, well, bad."
"He should absolutely be there for you and the baby."
"And then MIL coming in to town for a reason other than seeing the weeks old, cute lil baby?"
"Bankrolled by you and him?"
"No you're NTA but hubby and MIL are giving red flags."- sailoralex
"Wow, NTA."
"I’m sorry you’re stuck having a baby with a man who’s priorities are so out of whack."
"Unfortunately, this may be a preview of what to expect when raising the child."
"He absolutely should be home supporting you."
"Recovery from giving birth can be difficult and if you end up needing a c-section you may still need a lot of help a month out."
"Everyone’s experience is different."
"If his mom is going to come to sightsee hours away instead of seeing the baby, I suggest her visit waits."- SG131
"NTA."
"I think men don’t realize what having a baby will really be like until the baby arrives."
"Like you suggested, a trip in a few months all together to said city would be lovely, but for now local visits and time with the baby should suffice."- Oldbear
"NTA."
"My wife gave birth twice."
"I wouldn't have left like that, and my Mother-in-law was here actively helping so she wouldn't have been alone (MIL is a lovely, trustworthy, %100 reliable woman who has a great relationship with my wife)."
"I can imagine situations and relationships where that might be OK, but not one where you asked him not to."- BMal_Suj
"NTA."
"My husband and I live across the country from his mother (we live in the US)."
"She is able to visit us once a year because it's a lengthy and expensive flight for her."
"When I had my first and she finally was able to visit, you know what she did?"
"She stayed in my house, cooked us dinner, folded laundry, watched the baby so I could nap."
"She had no interest in taking a tourist vacation, she was solely there to meet her granddaughter and help us out."
"And my husband?"
"Would never even have considered hopping her around visiting tourist traps, much less taking her on a weekend trip to another city."
"If she had suggested it, he would have laughed in her face."
"His whole goal those first six months was taking care of his child and his postpartum wife."
"I empathize with your husband missing his family."
"But he can spend time with her while she and him help with the baby and take care of you."
"They don't have to be gallivanting off in order to have quality time together."
"His priorities are way off, and I hope he is able to put his head on right for you and the baby's sake."- valentinowhitebag
It's understandable why the OP's husband wants some quality time with his mother, and wants to treat her to something special.
As the OP pointed out, however, this visit is specifically intended for her to meet her new granddaughter, not sight see.
If the OP's husband can't understand this, one can't help but worry about his priorities down the line...
