It's totally understandable that when someone in the family has a baby, everyone will be excited to meet the new arrival.
But when people put the baby first and show little care for the baby's mother, that's crossing a line, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Used_Method_9848 had a baby four weeks prior and was still adjusting to life at home, both in her routine and her health.
When her in-laws wanted to visit, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked and hurt that they totally ignored her and her needs.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by not wanting to be around my monsters-in-law anymore?"
The OP was unable to rely on her mother-in-law when her baby was born.
"I have a four-week-old baby. Before birth, I had some minor issues with my in-laws, but nothing super crazy."
"The plan for my entire pregnancy was that my mother-in-law would stay in our home while we were hospitalized for birth."
"This way, our pets could stay in their natural environment and be fed and taken care of."
"The night I gave birth, my mother and father-in-law came in to meet the baby, and they never even stopped to acknowledge me, who had just given birth two hours prior."
"They left fairly quickly. The next day, my husband opens a text from my FIL that says they went back home (they live two and a half hours away)."
"I was upset because they didn’t even bother to tell us they were leaving, and now our pets (a dog who is still in the puppy stage, a cat, and chickens) had nobody to take care of them."
"We ended up not being able to go home for 9 days, and my husband had to go home every day to care for the animals. It took him hours because our dog needs attention, as he’s still very young."
"I was upset because his parents had promised to take care of the house, but didn’t. My husband had to lose bonding time with his new family over it."
The OP continued to feel slighted by her in-laws.
"Fast forward to two weeks postpartum, and my in-laws say they want to come visit. I had to prepare my home for guests, but I wanted them to be able to see their grandchild, so I did it anyway."
"The day came they were supposed to come, and they never showed up, never texted either."
"The next week comes, and they randomly text 30 minutes before they arrive to say they are coming."
"I was scrambling to get things ready. Newborn life is hard, and my house wasn’t the cleanest."
"They come in, and my sister-in-law is with them. She doesn’t say a word to me, not even 'hello.'"
"The entire visit, I am sitting alone while nobody even acknowledges me, and they are holding my baby the entire time."
"When my baby cries, my MIL refuses to give her back to me. My sister-in-law refuses to even hold the baby."
"In the middle of the day, they decide they are going to go out for a bit. My MIL asks my SIL if she wants to stay with me while she goes out. My SIL basically rushes to put on her shoes to leave, leaving me at home all alone. (My husband was at work on this day)."
"The rest of their visit is the same. Nobody speaks to me; nobody asks how I’m doing. When they left, nobody even told me goodbye."
The OP's husband did not see what she was concerned about.
"My husband makes excuses for their behavior every time."
"I told him he has to say something to them or I refuse to be around them anymore, which he says is a little extreme, but I don’t believe so."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some urged the OP not to let the in-laws come over anymore when her husband was not present.
"NOR. From now on, they can come only if their husband is there to deal with them." - Illustrious-Onion329
"Don’t answer their messages or the door. These people are rude and inconsiderate."
"Video doorbells are such a great tool for managing rude people. Didn’t call first or receive an invitation? Don’t answer the door. You can tell them it’s not a good time using the speaker without opening the door and risking them pushing past you." - Successful_Moment_91
"If he wants them around, he needs to be the one hosting and handling them, not leaving you alone as a new mom to manage their rudeness." - trivoxaw
"NOR. But grow. a. spine. You have to put your foot down… Tell your husband they are not welcome in your home when he isn't going to be there. If they come when you're alone again, don't answer the door and turn off the phone." - HauntingGur4402
"You are not overreacting. I would not be having them come over ever again. Some people just suck, sorry they happen to be your in-laws. Congrats on the new baby." - Abby_Rain_87
"Why do you let people disrespect you in your own home? NOR. Tell them not to visit unless their son is home, and don’t answer the door. YOU are in charge, not them."
"Since they aren’t coming to see you anyway, there’s no reason for them to come if he isn’t there." - AlexNKarlie
Others were disgusted by how the OP was being treated and demanded better for her.
"NOR. You just pushed a human out of your body two hours prior, and they couldn’t even look at you? Then they bailed on taking care of your pets, made your husband miss bonding time, and now treat you like furniture while fighting over your baby?"
"That’s not 'minor issues.' That’s disrespect with a bow on it. Four weeks postpartum, you're in survival mode. You deserve to be asked, 'How are you healing?' at least once."
"Them ignoring you, not saying goodbye, and refusing to give the baby back is not normal 'in-law stuff.' That’s boundary stomping." - ZeroF**ksZinnia
"My son would never tolerate me (or anyone else) treating his wife this way, NEVER! You have a husband problem, ma’am!" - onebada**MoMo
"My MIL is awful. She has tried to dictate where we live, vacation, and send our kids to school, and ripped my crying babies from my arms many times. My husband stood up to her each time, but after one incident where she pushed me too far, my husband supported me in flat-out cutting her off."
"I am not saying that you have to go that far, OP, but your husband needs to advocate for you." - anongirl55
"The way I would have already gone off on them at least twice and then would have completely lost my s**t when she wouldn’t give me my baby when they cried. NOR, h**l, you’re underreacting, and you have a serious husband problem."
"You should let him read these comments because he needs to understand that his NEW family needs to come first, or he can go stay with the old one permanently." - AssumptionGast5465
"NTA. It's perfectly reasonable to expect in-laws or anyone, for that matter, to provide notice when coming to your home."
"It's also reasonable to expect them to follow through. It's also reasonable to expect to be acknowledged in your own home, and to hold your baby when she cries. Your husband needs to set boundaries."
"If he won't, you have ot consider that he's prioritizing his family over your and your baby's needs. If that's acceptable to you, then you have to set your own boundaries, like 'his family doesn't come visit unless he's home.'"
"Also, add 'all visitors must provide one to two day notice.' If you have plans, don't cancel because of an unexpected visitor, even if that plan is to take a nap." - VanillaCultural6205
"Where you went off the rails is when you HAD to prepare your home for guests and entertain these selfish people. The only thing you HAD to do at two weeks postpartum is recover and care for your baby. Your husband should have told them no."
"Anytime he will not be there to handle all the preparation in advance of a visit, eg cleaning, buying groceries, etc, or he won't be there to host and entertain them the entire time, they cannot come. Period. This is his circus, and they are his clowns to manage, not yours."
"After the stunt they pulled when you gave birth, his automatic answer should have been no. He is a husband and a father first before everything else, not their son or brother. What they want is irrelevant compared to what his family needs, and you and the baby are his family. He needs to grow up and rearrange his priorities accordingly. NOR." - Viola-Swamp
The subReddit was furious on the OP's behalf and hoped that she would step up for herself and demand better, since it seemed that no one else, her husband included, was going to advocate for her.
It was totally normal for family to want to visit and meet the baby and be excited about the baby, but to treat the mother of the baby in this way and completely ignore her and her needs was totally inhumane and wrong.
