Wedding days are meant to be about the happy couple.
But so many people miss that memo.
Sometimes, it can feel like everybody has a request that will cause stress.
This can cause some friction for the newlyweds.
Case in point…
Redditor LeoLeia88 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] she can’t use my bridal suite for her kid?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My F[emale] 31 and my fiancé M[ale] 35 are getting married.”
“His brother M 41 and his bro’s wife F 34 are due to have a baby any day now.”
“By the time we get married, the kid will be 7 or 8 months old.”
“We live an hour away from my in-laws (bro, sis, mother, and father).”
“The wedding will be 4-5 hours away for us all.”
“2 Months prior to telling us they were expecting, we had a convo where, in very clear terms, they told us, ‘Children are not in our immediate future.'”
“At the time, they were living with her parents (she’s an only child), and he had switched jobs.”
“So, you can imagine we were happy but also confused as they went from no kids, we aren’t ready to we’re cooking up a kid!”
“We are having a child-free wedding.”
“The only exception we’ve made to this is my future nephew.”
“My fiancè asked his brother to be his best man.”
“My SIL is not involved in any part of the day except to be my bro in law’s +1.”
“Originally, my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] said that she would be planning my bridal shower with my mom.”
“She casually mentioned to me one day, that she didn’t have the bandwidth to host my bridal shower as she will be helping with childcare for SIL.”
“I don’t understand how the two are related, but my mom will plan a perfectly fine bridal shower without my MIL.”
“I pushed my wedding dress shopping date back because my MIL didn’t want to spend two weekends traveling for dress shopping and a baby shower.”
“My fiancé expected that his brother would plan a bachelor party.”
“Up until recently, the plan was to take an International trip.”
“But now that he will be a father he won’t travel far.”
“My fiancé is not happy about this and has argued some of the domestic destinations they are selecting are further, than some international places.”
“Now that the baby is due to be here any day, my B[rother]-[I]n-L[aw] has preemptively requested that we give them the bridal suite (the space on-site at the venue where we can get ready, refresh, relax) access to care for the baby.”
“We were both upset.”
“I am okay with having their child at my wedding because I know how attached parents can be, but I am not okay making accommodations for a child that just as easily could not be at my wedding.”
“My SIL is an only child.”
“So, we offered to invite her parents, understanding they would stay at the Airbnb and take care of the baby.”
“They didn’t like this option even though.”
“The Airbnb is booked and I am not exaggerating when I say this, it is around the corner from the venue.”
“We offered them a ceremony-only option so during the cocktail hour, they could leave.”
“They did not like this option.”
“It is clear that the priorities of my fiance’s family have become this child.”
“I do not want to be resentful of this baby or my SIL.”
“Yet, before we’ve finalized our menu, we are being asked how we can make our wedding comfortable for a baby we didn’t expect would be there.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for saying ‘No you cannot use the amenities that are provided to us as bride and groom to give your kid some milk and a nap?’”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. If it gets to be too much, you can always tell your SIL that maybe it’s best they don’t bring the child, prepare for a sh**storm, weather it out, and when it’s all done, you will either find your SIL (and maybe your MIL) will boycott your wedding, or they will be grateful that you’re willing to relent and allow them to bring the child at all.”
“Just remember: it’s not your mom and sister. It’s your soon-to-be husband’s.”
“Let HIM worry about their relationship.”
“YOU worry about your boundaries and not letting his family walk all over you.” ~ mifflewhat
“If we are being honest, OP cannot tip-toe around this issue.”
“It is OP’s wedding and subsequent celebration that is quickly becoming all about the soon-to-be baby.”
“I think that OP’s husband needs to rip the bandaid off and have a conversation with his brother.”
“He can come from a nice and genuine place and say that he understands that his priorities have shifted, and he understands and cannot wait to welcome his nephew into the world.”
“But the expectation that they cancel an international trip because one person cannot attend is preposterous.”
“Further, MIL no longer participating in the Bridal Shower is ridiculous.”
“You can help plan a bridal shower while still spending time with and babysitting a grandbaby. 🤷🏻♀️”
“OP’s Fiancé’s family is making a choice, a conscious choice to prioritize the expectant parents and not prioritize OP and her fiancé.”
“That is fine. That is their right.”
“OP now needs to draw her line in the sand.”
“Perhaps BIL and SIL are just guests with no special role.”
“No is a complete sentence.”
“No, you cannot have the bridal suite.”
“It is reserved for the bride and bridal party.”
“I would personally say…”
“I am so sorry, but since we cannot accommodate your exhaustive list of demands, we understand completely if you want and need to sit this one out to focus on your newborn.”
“When we get the photos, we will visit for an evening so you can see all of the special moments from our day.”
“NTA. But OP a closed mouth does not get fed.”
“Be clear. Be direct. Be finite.”
“This is your day, not the newborn’s.” ~ stinstin555
“I say this as a mother of a 9-month-old.”
“Their baby will be at a sitting/wanting to play age.”
“He may like being at the wedding for short periods of time, but honestly, will probably be happier if they take him back to the Airbnb.”
“He will want a quiet and familiar place to feed/nap, and a brand new room that is close to the action will be too exciting and distracting.”
“It sounds like BIL and his family are only thinking about what is convenient for them, the adults, and not thinking of what’s best for the child.”
“Hopefully they come to realize that soon and get off your case.” ~ eyyyyyAmy467
“NTA. Because we know mom and dad aren’t going to keep it neat and tidy.”
“They DO NOT CARE.”
“They have some balls and appalling audacity to make demands and dismiss every option OP/fiancé offer.”
“I’d have someone stand guard by the bridal suite, so SIL can’t weasel her way in or have someone else do it.”
“Offer the AirBnB again with the take it or leave it an option.”
“Maybe a family group chat announcing all the ways the couple are accommodating BIL/SIL and baby, but they are dismissive because they want to make the day about them and their child.”
“Make the boundaries well known, again.”
“Fiancé is the one to make things abundantly clear and that there is no further discussion on any of it.” ~ MizPeachyKeen
“Doesn’t the venue have any other spare rooms available??”
“Surely there is a small lounge area or an empty office space?? Hopefully??”
“NTA – but don’t go being nice to the extent that you neglect your own needs/wants on your special day!!” ~ Fit_Measurement_1871
“The fanfare is probably just beginning.”
“They are going to want the suite, and when he is napping, you won’t be allowed in because you will wake the baby.”
“Or if she is nursing, everyone needs to leave because of the baby.”
“They can get their own hotel room if they need something on site.”
“The suite is for adults only. No baby allowed.” ~ KittyC217
“NTA- this sounds like your fiancé’s problem.”
“My honest assessment of the issue is that your fiancé needs to uninvite his brother to be his best man.”
“At this point, he should offer his brother and his brother’s wife the opportunity not to attend the wedding.”
“Although this is hurtful, they are a new family, and this is a very important part of development for your nephew.”
“This would seem to be the best solution for both parties involved as you would get the wedding you were hoping for and they would be able to care for their child.” ~ ssccrs
“NTA and I agree with this.”
“Of course, it’s hurtful that his whole family is prioritizing the baby over the wedding, and he needs to have that conversation with his parents.”
“He needs to say that you understand they have committed and are excited to help with the baby, but the wedding is actually about the couple getting married.”
If they aren’t able to see all the compromises already made and realize they are treating your wedding and events like an inconvenience, then they will be damaging the relationship going forward and will not be included.” ~ marblefree
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You and your man are allowed to plan your wedding accordingly.
Your family needs to understand it’s your day.
If they won’t budge, then that’s their issue.