Though we may all know the line, “in sickness and in health,” in most wedding vows, many of us fail to understand the gravity of those vows, especially if someone becomes ill.
How a boyfriend or girlfriend responds to an emergency, for example, can be super telling, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Nearby_Volume_7067’s girlfriend was at the club for her best friend’s birthday party when he suddenly started to experience incredibly painful symptoms.
When his girlfriend assumed he was lying about his symptoms to ruin her fun night, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if he could depend on her or trust her anymore.
He asked the sub:
“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) for dumping my girlfriend after she ignored my calls and messages and went clubbing while I was undergoing emergency surgery?”
The OP was convinced that his girlfriend was The One.
“I (22 Male) and my girlfriend (22 Female) have been together for five years.”
“We’ve been together since high school, and until recently, I’ve always considered her to be my future wife. I’ve even bought a ring and was planning on proposing over the coming months.”
But then something happened to the OP.
“Well, last weekend, it was my girlfriend’s best friend’s birthday. She and her friends booked a private lounge at a club. Obviously, I didn’t go since I wasn’t invited and because I hate clubbing or anything associated with that. I was actually looking forward to spending an evening alone and just binging Netflix or something.”
“Well, my girlfriend left around 9:00 PM, and I just crashed on the couch and watched some YouTube. Well, around 11:00 PM, I started to feel this distinct stomach pain. The same pain you experience when someone hits you in the nuts.”
“It wasn’t bad at first, and I just thought my body was playing some tricks on me, but in the span of about five minutes, the pain just kept getting worse until I was basically stuck in the fetal position on the couch. Again, initially, I just thought the pain would go, but then I pulled down my pants, and it felt like my right testicle was starting to swell.”
That was when the OP realized he was really in trouble.
“The moment I tried to get up and grab my phone to inspect whatever the f**k was happening to me, I just collapsed to the floor. That was probably the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. Imagine being pelted in the nuts over and over again.”
“I did manage to crawl to the table next to the couch to get my phone. I immediately tried calling my girlfriend, but she declined my call. I then texted her that something was wrong and she could come home immediately. The club she went to is a five-minute walk from our apartment.”
“I just put the phone down and started throwing up because of the pain. After throwing up for, like, a minute, it felt like the pain started to cool down a bit, and I grabbed my phone again, and that’s when I saw her response.”
“She just replied with a, ‘What is it?’ and a side-eye emoji.”
“I tried calling her again, but as expected, she just declined again.”
“I then texted her that I needed to go to the hospital now. She then asked for what, and I just replied that my balls hurt.”
But the OP’s girlfriend did not believe him.
“I then just dialed for emergency services. I explained my situation to the emergency responder, and she asked if there was somebody who could drive me to the hospital, and I stupidly said yes.”
“I thought my girlfriend would be home soon, and she would drive me to the hospital. I felt embarrassed to call an ambulance because my ‘balls hurt.'”
“After I told the emergency responder this, she then told me that she would call me again in 10 minutes to make sure I was being driven to the hospital. I then put down the phone and went back to vomiting on our carpet.”
“Again, after the pain went away for a bit, I checked my phone and saw that my girlfriend just responded with laughing emojis. I again tried to call her, but as expected, she just declined again.”
“She texted me that this wasn’t the time to play games, and she then told me that if I texted or called her again, she would block my number.”
“I again tried calling her, but she declined again, and when I tried calling her a second time, I realized she actually blocked me.”
The OP decided it was time to call the emergency helpline.
“I went back to curling up on the floor, and then I started shivering. At that point, I didn’t care about being embarrassed and just called emergency services again and asked for an ambulance.”
“It felt like an eternity, but the ambulance eventually came and rushed me to the hospital. I don’t remember much of surgery since I was sedated, but I remember waking up eventually, and my right testicle was being stitched together.”
“The doctor informed me that I had a testicular torsion, and I was extremely lucky to reach the hospital in time. I could have easily been forced to surgically remove my testicle.”
“I checked my phone and saw the missed calls and messages my girlfriend left me. In summary, she came home from clubbing and smelled the vomit in our apartment.”
“When she saw the vomit on our carpet, she got mad and tried searching the apartment to find me. When she realized I wasn’t there, only then did it hit her that I was actually being serious.”
“I just texted her in which hospital I was staying in and my room number and then went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and saw my girlfriend sleeping on a couch next to my hospital bed.”
“After she woke up, she started bombarding me with apologies. She thought I was joking, that I was trying to ruin their night, etc. I didn’t have the energy to argue, so I just kept quiet.”
The OP wasn’t sure he could look at his girlfriend in the same way after that.
“I was beyond hurt by what she did, and I wanted to break up with her then and there.”
“Why the f**k would somebody ignore messages where their partner is begging them to come home? Not only that, she stayed in the club until 3:00 AM and didn’t even consider going home to check on me.”
“She did stay with me in the hospital for the remaining two days I was admitted there and did take good care of me, but I was still beyond p**sed at her.”
“Ever since coming home yesterday, I’ve been wanting to dump her, but at the same time, I feel like she genuinely thought I was joking and made a mistake. I feel conflicted and don’t know how to proceed in this situation.”
“WIBTA if I dumped her? Am I overreacting? How would you guys navigate this mess?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some did not fault the OP for thinking of breaking up and believed they would feel the same.
“Homie, unless you have a history of making bogus calls and texts to ‘ruin her fun,’ why the f**k would she think you were doing that?”
“My wife fell and tore her hamstring when I was two hours away on a site visit for work. When she called, I told the customer, ‘Gotta go, we’ll pick this up next week. Family emergency,’ and they told me to get going.”
“Luckily, her friend came and took her to the hospital and I met them there, but I can’t imagine interrogating her to make sure it was ‘important.'”
“That feeling in your gut you’re having that she’s not the one… you might want to listen.”
“The five years between seventeen and twenty-two is a BIG five years. You’ll change more in those years than in any other five years of your life. Who is she at this point? She’s someone who selfishly thought her boyfriend would call and troll her with, ‘I need to go to the hospital,’ when she was having fun.”
“So like I said, unless you have a history of this behavior, then this wasn’t a misunderstanding. This is who she is. This is who she’ll continue to be. Think about this.”
“When she was at the club, a short walk from your house, not one of her friends said, ‘Yeah you might want to pop out and go check on him. He’s not the type to complain.’ Who we surround ourselves with says a lot about us and your girlfriend surrounded herself with friends that most likely told her, ‘F**k him. He’s just trying to ruin your fun.’ And she agreed.”
“Her being sorry now is worth nothing. She wasn’t there when you needed her, and I bet if I asked you to name a few occasions where you were there for her, no questions asked, you’d have a list ready pretty quickly.”
“Is this who you want having your back… forever? I know emotions are strong and can be tough to regulate at your age, but you sound decently mature. That bell ringing in the back of your head, we usually regret not listening to it. The fact that she didn’t bolt down the block to check on you is f**ked up.” – rrogido
“If you were in her shoes, having fun with your friends, you would still go check on her. Why? Because you love her and want to make sure she’s okay. Imagine yourself BLOCKING your girlfriend when she says she needs help just to have fun for one night.”
“I hope it helps you realize that no one who actually loves you deals with this situation the way she did. She showed no concern, no empathy, and no effort.”
“The fact that her first reaction to finding your puke is to be mad instead of being worried about you is insane. Imagine if she puked while she was sick, would you be mad at her?”
“Please realize that this is not someone that cares for you on an equal level.” – nolife247_
“She CHOSE to believe the worst of you (‘he just wants to ruin my night’) while you had a dire medical emergency.”
“She effing blocked you while you were begging for her help in a moment of total vulnerability.”
“How can you trust that she won’t be so SUPREMELY selfish the next time? She broke a fundamental relationship rule because she didn’t trust you, either.”
“With the exception of her friends who would likely take her side in anything, no one will blame you if you dump her.”
“I hope the bottle service was worth it to her.” – Humble_Nobody2884
“It read like she thought he puked on the floor as part of his continued effort to ruin her night out. First, that would be an admirable level of dedication to ruining someone’s night, and second, to believe someone would do that a person would have to know they would do just that.”
“‘Is that puke? That’s exactly what I would do to ruin his night so I KNOW he was trying to ruin my night!! Where is that a**hole?!'”
“I have been called home by my wife for medical issues that ranged from Life and Death to ‘I cut myself opening a can of chili and I think a chunk of my finger is in the chili but I still want to eat it.’ I went home EVERY TIME without hesitation.”
“My wife knows I downplay injuries and medical issues when it comes to myself so if I called her about ‘a weird pain’ or ‘a little blood,’ she’d respond immediately.” – MichaelHammor
“Tell her that because of all this and her blocking you that you need a break from her until you decide what you want to do. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing this. I personally would have broken up with her when she blocked me.” – biteme717
Others agreed and admitted the OP’s girlfriend didn’t sound like wife material.
“One thing would be not believing your texts but when your significant other spam calls you on top of the SOS messages, like what the f**k was she thinking? And to top it off, as a response, she decides to block you???” – Substantial-Bus4022
“I would never be able to rely on her again for anything. This incident would always be in the back of my mind, and I would assume if anything bad happens, I’m all on my own. Not much of a relationship, if that’s the case.” – agent_flounder
“I would lose an important flight if my husband had an emergency. She is not wife material. I mean, she is not even decent people material.” – PokeSirena
“Not telling you to dump her but DO NOT marry her. 22 is way too young and it does not sound like she wants to be a wife anytime soon. Anyway, NTA is you leave her… I would.” – Hldude4
“YWNBTA (You Would Not Be the A**hole). You deserve better than this.”
“Go pack that ring away and wait for the person it should actually be for to enter your life. And start doing the necessary steps to no longer live with your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.” – shammy-dammy
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update in another post.
“First of all, I would like to clear up some misconceptions brewing in the comment section of my last post.”
“No, I have never pulled any malicious pranks on my girlfriend to get her to come home early from a night out or anything, nor do I have an issue with her going out (as long as she doesn’t come home at like 6:00 AM, just because that seems like a bit much for anyone).”
“And no, I’ve never blown up her phone like that while she was out with friends. We usually go out together since we share the same friend groups.”
The OP then shared the conversation he and his girlfriend had that night.
“Here are mine and her messages from WhatsApp in order since people thought I just texted her ‘my balls hurt’ or something.”
“Me: (declined my first two calls) Girlfriend, please come home, something is wrong.”
“Her: ??? Can’t talk rn (right now). What is it? 😒 (side-eye emoji)”
“Me: (tried calling her again, got declined) I need to go to the hospital.”
“Her: ???? What?”
“Me: (again tried calling her twice) My balls hurt. Please come NOW. Something is wrong.”
“Her: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 (six rolling over and crying from laughing emojis)”
“Me: (tried calling her again twice after calling emergency services)”
“Her: I swear, don’t bother me again or I’m blocking you. Let me f**king enjoy my night out.”
“Me: (tried calling her again twice and got blocked)”
“At this point, the pain was too bad to try anything with her anymore and I just called an ambulance.”
“Her next message after unblocking me at 2:00 AM: OP, why the f**k is there vomit in the living room and where the f**k are you? Why is the front door unlocked if you left somewhere?”
“She then went into a full mental breakdown as she realized I was being serious about going to the hospital (over 70 messages).”
The OP was aware that he could have handled the situation better, but not to a YTA degree.
“Yes, it was stupid of me to expect her to drive me to the hospital since she was drinking, but again, In that type of pain, you don’t think clearly. I think I needed her more for moral support and I did it out of pure instinct.”
“Not immediately calling an ambulance was also stupid of me. I was in a lot of pain, but stupidly at the time thought that whatever I was going through would eventually calm down and driving to the hospital would be better than calling an ambulance. Also, in hindsight, me being embarrassed about calling an ambulance over ‘my balls’ was definitely also really stupid.”
“The amount of mental gymnastics some of you did in my comments to paint me as some sort of dweeb or ’emotionally needy’ person for bothering my girlfriend was truly mind-blowing to me. I promise you, if my girlfriend was in my position and I ignored her, none of you would be defending me.”
The OP was going to be okay but had to honor his healing period.
“Now for the update. Thank to all those who wished me a speedy recovery. I’m doing much better now. Not being able to go to work for the next three weeks is definitely a bummer. I work for my dad’s construction company, and my job requires lifting a lot of heavy weights. I’m also prohibited from having any sex for the next two to three weeks as well.”
“I might have also developed some trauma due to the pain. I randomly get the same sensation again, like phantom pains, and it’s driving me nuts (see what I did there).”
The OP and his girlfriend had an important conversation after returning from the hospital.
“As for me and my girlfriend, it’s complicated. As so many of you and my mom told me, five years is definitely a long time to be just throwing away without having a proper conversation with her. So I did just that. I told her how hurt I felt by everything.”
“I mentioned the following points:”
“Her ignoring my messages and declining my calls (yes, clubs are loud, but where I’m from, there are smoking areas where you can definitely have a conversation over the phone).”
“Her blocking me after I tried calling her.”
“Her not checking on me once even though the club she went to is only a five-minute walk from our apartment.”
“Her being angry about the vomit instead of being concerned.”
“After hearing that, she got defensive and told me that I could have conveyed my situation better and that she genuinely thought I was joking. She was drunk and wasn’t thinking clearly. She also told me that It couldn’t have been THAT painful and I was over-exaggerating.”
“I then told her, yes, I could have phrased my messages better and I apologized for that but I then described the pain I was in and told her that I barely had the strength to text her, let alone send her a detailed description of what was happening to me and definitely couldn’t think straight throughout everything.”
The OP’s girlfriend apologized for how she handled the situation.
“After hearing what I said, she started crying and apologizing for what she did. She told me if she knew how serious it was, we wouldn’t have been having this conversation.”
“She then also apologized for her being mad over the vomit. According to her, she was drunk and tired and was just expressing frustration.”
“I then asked her why she thought I was joking and if she was cheating on me because this was seriously out of character for her, hence why I immediately trusted her with this.”
“She started crying harder and she looked like I just slapped her in the face. She told me that she just thought I was being insecure about her being in the club with a bunch of guys, and no, she wasn’t cheating on me and would never do something like that. We then hugged for a solid 10 minutes after that.”
The OP then said he needed to think about their relationship.
“The next part was really hard for me but I told her I needed some space to gather my thoughts and told her she needed to stay with her parents for the time being.”
“She immediately started having a mental breakdown and asked If I was breaking up with her.”
“I told her I wasn’t sure and needed time to see if I still trusted her after all of this and what she did was beyond disrespectful. How could I trust someone with my life after they pulled something like this?”
“I then told her that we are young and this mess was mostly caused by our immaturity, this entire situation was an important life lesson for the both of us regardless if we stayed together.”
“After begging a bit more, she then put her head down and started packing a few essentials. Before leaving, she told she would be willing to do anything to make up for this and that I could take as much time as I needed. She then gave me a big kiss and left.”
“That was two days ago and this is where we currently stand. I still give her updates on my healing but besides that we don’t contact each other.”
The OP felt like he needed to set new boundaries in the relationship.
“I’m really torn right now. I still don’t have that trust in her, but her owning up to her mistake shows that she knows she f**ked up and is remorseful. This is definitely something out of the ordinary for her, but there will have to be major boundaries and new rules set.”
“I can think of the following:
“If she blocks me again for anything, she’ll be blocking herself from ever seeing me again.”
“Ignoring my messages will not be tolerated anymore.”
“If she goes out alone again, she has to pick up if I call, regardless of the situation.”
“As many of you suggested, having an emergency code like ‘hospital’ or something would probably have to be implemented.”
“I’m not going to abuse any of these boundaries, but I just want peace of mind knowing that my partner has my best interest at heart even when she is physically not around me, but I don’t know.”
“Again, I just want to thank you guys for everything. This whole experience was definitely an eye-opener for me.”
“Should I get back together with her? If yes, would my demands be reasonable and could I add something more?”
“WIBTA if I dumped her over this whole saga?”
Some Redditors reminded the OP that five years is not that long in the grand scheme of things.
“Time in doesn’t mean you need to stay with someone. That just delays the ending of it if you think you can’t get past not trusting her.”
“You would not be an a**hole if you chose to end it. You would also not be one if you decided to give it a go. You need to go with your gut.”
“I personally would have a hard time getting past someone blocking me when we are in a relationship. That level of petty would be too much for me.”
“To me, that does not imply a partnership, and I need a partnership with my significant other (this October will be my 30th anniversary of being married) if he blocked me or did not pick up when I made multiple calls That would be a trust broken and I’m not sure I would be able to get past that.”
“NTA.”
“Also, I hope you are healing well (both from the physical trauma your body went through and the emotional trauma that she put you through).”
“The more I think about her trying to double down on her stance and try to imply that the pain wasn’t that bad, the more irritated I am with her. That was so not cool.” – Jillio_NH
“People think that they need to stay with someone or give it another go because they’ve spent a long time with the person… but I think that if the person has shown you who they are, don’t waste more of your time on them.”
“A partner shouldn’t be blocking a person or not answering calls. If OP’s girlfriend had answered even one of his calls, he could’ve explained. The girlfriend showed she doesn’t care about him enough to make sure he’s okay.”
“I’ve been married for almost 15 years and with my partner for 20… it has never ever crossed either of our minds to block each other or ignore each other’s calls, even when we’ve had the occasional fight. I would not be with someone that could act that childishly or show that they cared that little about me.” – Wary_Scientist
“Yeah, I’m out after the blocking part. ‘But you’ve been together five years, you should reconsider.’ No. After five years together, it should be expected for her to not act like a f**king child and block your significant other because it’s inconvenient for her.”
“What a joke. OP, you are NTA but will totally be the AH to yourself if you stay with a person like this. Have some self-respect, homie.” – Laloosche
“Blocking him was performative and overly dramatic for the benefit of her audience, at the expense of her partner. OP needs to think hard about that, as well as ‘being drunk’ isn’t the excuse she thinks it is.”
“All being drunk does is lower your inhibitions so you do/say the things you really feel like, but ordinarily wouldn’t because of tact or politics.” – PrideofCapetown
“I just can’t wrap my mind around the fact that she blocked him. No matter the situation, I think that already said a lot about the stability and value of this relationship. She ended it right there. I really don’t think there’s really a way to fix that trust again.”
“You do not have to stay with someone just because you spent a lot of time with them. It’s never easy to end a relationship that lasted many years, but in OP’s case, she was basically ready to do it anyways, hence the blocking and behavior in general. Wishing OP the best of luck.” – ZestycloseLadder9904
The subReddit was shocked by how the girlfriend behaved, and while some appreciated her apology, many felt that she was still making excuses for inappropriate behavior.
At the end of the day, the girlfriend abandoned the OP in a moment of extreme need… for the sake of a night out. Maybe she should just be single so she can enjoy clubbing to the fullest extent.