Becoming pregnant and expecting a baby is like entering a whole new world.
While planning for the baby and the birth, parents not only have to decide how they want to parent and what they want the nursery to look like, but they also have to be honest with themselves about what they are comfortable with regarding boundaries and sharing information.
And some grandparents have a really hard time keeping their news off of Facebook, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor EmmyCaly was looking forward to having her first baby, and when her stepmother posted all of the details on social media before she was ready to share the news with people outside of her immediate circle, she felt her trust was shaken.
When she was later forming her birth plan and talking about who would be in the delivery room with her, the Original Poster (OP) said in no uncertain terms that her stepmom was banned from the delivery room, since she couldn't be trusted with sensitive information.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by telling my stepmother she can't come to the birth of my child after she announced my pregnancy on Facebook?"
The OP's stepmother wanted to be involved in every situation and every decision.
"My mom died when I was 15. I'm now 27, and my dad remarried several years ago."
"My stepmother is the type of person who really pushes herself into people's lives and wants to be involved in everything."
"We have a relationship, but it's complicated."
The OP wanted to keep her pregnancy quiet for a while until it was more likely to be successful.
"When I found out I was pregnant, I told only my dad, my brother, and my stepmother."
"The only reason I told her was because I didn't think it would be fair to ask my dad to keep such a big secret from his wife."
"The reason I wanted it kept private is because my previous pregnancy ended in a stillbirth."
"It was one of the hardest experiences of my life, and I didn't want to announce this pregnancy until after the baby was born healthy."
"Last time, dealing with everyone's questions and sympathy afterward was overwhelming."
"I was very clear with all three of them that this pregnancy was not to be shared with anyone. No friends, no extended family, nobody."
The OP's stepmother did not respect her wishes.
"Then on Monday morning, I woke up and saw that my stepmother had posted my pregnancy on Facebook. She uploaded my ultrasound photo, called me her daughter, and announced that she was going to be a grandmother."
"My heart sank."
"I immediately called my dad and asked if he knew she was going to post it. He said he had no idea and told me he would ask her to take it down."
"I then called my stepmother and asked why she would do that. She acted like it wasn't a big deal and said she just wanted her friends to know."
The OP did not let her stepmother off easy.
"I told her that it absolutely was a big deal."
"It wasn't her pregnancy to announce, and I had specifically told her not to tell anyone."
"In the heat of the moment, I also told her that I'm not her daughter and that she would not be welcome in the delivery room when the baby is born."
"She called me crazy, and I hung up."
"Later that day, my dad called. He agreed that what she did was wrong and that she never should have posted about my pregnancy."
"However, he thinks I'm overreacting by banning her from the delivery room."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that what her stepmother did was not okay and urged her to distance herself from her before the OP's baby was born.
"NOR. And make a post about how sad you are that people know about the pregnancy and why you wanted to keep it a secret. 'I hope you understand and respect this' kind of vibes."
"I'd post something short and respectful explaining it. not to shame her, but because losing a pregnancy changes everything. People who haven't lived it don't realize how cruel it is to force that announcement on someone." - brokkenplatypus4
"Why is she acting like this is her main character moment when she cannot respect a simple boundary? The delivery room is for support, not for people who use your private life as social media bait. If she treats your requests as suggestions, she does not belong there." - LushViper
"It’s such a simple boundary. The fact she called her ‘her daughter’ and they only married a couple of years ago is reaching hard. Op went through a tragedy that few can fathom, and step-mother made it all about her."
"I would not trust that woman as far as I could throw her. Dad is also spineless." - HedyHarlowe
"OP already knows SM pushes her way into places. So you know she's pressuring dad to be allowed in the room."
"She joined your family when you were adult, OP. She has no right of expectation of any sort of specific relationship with anyone other than your dad."
"But she sounds entitled as f**k, so I think: OP, you are underreacting. Make sure ALL your delivery staff on the floor know she is specifically not allowed into the room when you get to the hospital. Be explicit, and they will bar her for you." - Ruby_Solitaire
"I wouldn't have her as a constant in my life, period. She would get second-hand news, nothing directly from me, and she d**n sure wouldn't be grandma to my kid. She would be grandpa's wife, Mrs. so-and-so."
"I would stop all direct communication as soon as possible and let her know SHE'S the reason for that. I can't stand pushy, demanding, selfish people, and she's all three." - HeyPrettyLadyMaam
Others side-eyed the possibility of having the stepmother in the delivery room for any reason, even if she were on good behavior.
"NOR, but why would she be in the delivery room at all?" - KathAlMyPal
"I had three babies, and I am very close to my Mom. She wasn't in the delivery room. You have who you want with you. NOR." - AtticusFinchesMom
"I've only got a son, and fully expect I'll never be in the delivery room for any grandchildren. Why would anyone other than the partner assume they would be in there?" - Araucaria2024
"She sounds like an AH, pushy, and narcissistic. Not someone you want in the delivery room, telling you you're overreacting and not listening to the nurses' and doctor's instructions." - HotRodHomebody
"I sure as h**l wouldn't have her in the delivery room. NOR." - kykiwibear
"My best birth was honestly the one where my (now ex for both unrelated but ultimately related reasons) husband missed it because he was still parking."
"I needed no one except a grumpy midwife I had TOTALLY NOT VIBED WITH the first time I met her, brushing off my request to die and telling me instead to grunt three times in chin-to-chest position."
"It's not a spectator sport. Who does the birther want there, and everyone else can get the f**k out." - SolitudeWeeks
"There are women who do choose to have family in the delivery room. I was in the delivery room when my grandson was born, and it was the most beautiful moment of my life."
"I want to add that it was my DIL who invited me and many times over has thanked me for my love and support during her labor, delivery and months to follow. I drove to my son and DIL home every night at 10:00 PM and stayed until 5:00 AM so that they could rest and recover, they never had to wake up to a crying baby, and their early moments as parents were only joy."
"I nannied my grandson the first 3 years of his life, so they never had to pay for childcare either."
"There are MIL/DIL relationships that are absolutely nothing short of outstanding, but their relationships are forged on mutual respect and love for one another." - MsMagoo70
"If she’s in there, you know she’ll be filming everything, and that is not something I would be comfortable with. Birth is not a spectator sport, and not everyone gets entrance. I never even thought to invite my mother to the delivery, nor would I have wanted her there."
"It was a very special time between my husband and me. And if she’s only been married to the dad for a few years, she’s more just dad’s wife and less stepmother."
"And the audacity of her spreading the word about the pregnancy to begin with, after specifically being asked not to, would infuriate the h**l out of me and put her on a very low info diet. Good luck to the OP having to deal with this." - Shadow4summer
As much as the OP's stepmom might wish to be there every step of the way and involved in every aspect of the pregnancy, there are simply some parts she doesn't need to be there for, especially if she's going to unnecessarily record and post everything.
