Redditor light_blue000 is at odds with her dad and new stepmom over their wedding invitation list.
The Original Poster (OP) was not invited to their wedding due to the fact that she was technically underage at the time.
The semantics frustrated the OP and drove her to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for letting people know through social media the reason I wasn’t at my dad’s wedding”
She went on to explain the situation.
“I [female age18] was always pretty close to my dad. Closer to my mom but I often visited my dad (about 3-4 times a week).”
“A few years ago he started dating “Anna”. Anna and I always got along when my dad proposed I was happy Anna seemed like she would be a great stepmom.”
“Well a few weeks before the wedding after I had bought everything (dress, shoes, etc) my dad and Anna said they needed to ‘talk to me’.”
“Anna and my dad decided to have a child free wedding which I get especially for young kids. Well turns out child-free means no one under 18.”
“On the day of the wedding, I was still going to be 17.”
“So, therefore, I’m not allowed to be at the wedding because Anna wants to stay true to the child-free rule even for the daughter of the groom and her about-to-be stepdaughter.”
“The funny thing is my 18th birthday was just 2 days after the wedding. But still, I wasn’t allowed to go.”
“The wedding was just last weekend (the 12th) and my birthday was yesterday (the 14th).”
“I haven’t talked to Anna or my dad since they told me I couldn’t attend the wedding since I wasn’t an Adult.”
“My mom ended up taking me on a birthday vacation and yesterday I posted birthday pictures on Facebook and said, ‘Finally an adult’.”
“‘I’m so glad my dad and Anna didn’t allow me at their wedding since I was under 18. I feel more mature since yesterday.’”
“The family was freaking out asking if that was true and bashing my dad and Anna.”
“I later got a bunch of texts from my dad and Anna calling me immature and a selfish brat and that’s why I was too immature to be at a wedding.”
“I was talking to some friends and they said I was kinda an AH for doing that and I should have just let it go.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA. What kind of man doesn’t have his own child at his wedding? Anyway, they made the choice, if they believe it was the right choice they should have no issue about it being publicly known.”
“Plus, people might well assume you weren’t there because you disapproved of his new wife or chose a vacation instead.”
“Ensuring people know WHY you weren’t there saves your own reputation.” – Decalvare_Scriptor
“The no children was made for you. I’m sorry but let that sink in. She made that rule to keep you out.”
“You now know where you stand in their marriage…you don’t. I’m so sorry. NTA.”
“I personally think it was EPIC. Harsh but epic. They deserved more than that. I would even update it with pictures of their texts.” – Wandering_aimlessly9
“NTA banning the 17 year and 363 day old daughter of the groom from a wedding because its child free is a decision.”
“A decision to exclude. To not invite. To make unwelcome.”
“Not just in their wedding but on their lives.” – naraic-
“Not only that but they also waited to tell her until she had already invested time and money into getting ready for the wedding!”
“If they told her from the beginning, it still would’ve been heartless, but at least she would’ve had time to process it and avoided wasting time, money and excitement on these heartless idiots!”
“NTA obviously, they absolutely deserve the public shaming” – DangItMom
“NTA”
“The rule was nonsense, designed to exclude you specifically. They know it, and so do you.”
“Reply to your father that you now know where his priorities lie – with his new wife who didn’t want any reminders of his old life at her wedding – and you will act accordingly.”
“This is just the first of many times they exclude and insult you.”
“I’m very sorry that you’ve found out this way how little your dad values you, but now that you know, be proactive about ensuring he can never hurt you like this again.” – Cursd818
“NTA, keep being a wide eyed innocent and be totally baffled at why they are asking you to lie about the real reason.”
“Say ‘I kept getting asked why I wasn’t there so I figured it was better to just tell everyone at once.’”
“Never sway from this and keep acting like you can’t understand what the problem is, literally just keep repeating ‘but you told me not to come, why would you want me to lie about it?’”
“Rinse and repeat, never change the wording regardless of how it’s phrased.” – whatsmypassword73
“NTA – Child free weddings are for people who don’t want little kids running around or because they don’t want young teenagers around alcohol.”
“Your dad and step specifically excluded you and are pissed now they realise that their actions have consequences and you publicly called them out on their behaviour.” – Sea_Supermarket_9728
“So…They purposely planned their child free wedding TWO DAYS before your birthday (if we strictly adhere to their rule which imho shouldn’t apply to the freakin DAUGHTER of the groom).”
“And get mad when you called them out on it ? NTA, not in a million years.”
“I’m so sorry you have been treated like that, and if I were you, I would be extremely wary of your stepmother’s next moves.” – Spicymoose29
“NTA”
“You did nothing but tell the truth, not your problem if the truth is embarrassing to them.”
“Watch out for Anna going forward, this is not the behaviour you demonstrate if you want a good relationship with your stepdaughter.”
“She’s told you who she is, believe her. Your father is the biggest AH in this.” – superrm81
“Let me put on my Captain Obvious hat to say…well…the obvious:”
“Your new step-mom didn’t want you there and made up the stupid rule to try to hide this fact.”
“This explains their weird definition of ‘child free’ and also why they are angry that you told everyone.”
“And, btw, you should ask the rest of the family what your dad and Anna told them was the reason you weren’t there.”
“I predict that it will be something entirely different (and most likely about you deciding you didn’t want to be there).”
“NTA.”
“The most important thing for you to remember moving on from this is that Maya Angelou quote:”
“‘When someone shows you who they [really] are, believe them the first time.’”
“Anna has shown you that she doesn’t want you to be a part of her life and your dad has agreed to that.”
“Move on, be happy and remember that we don’t always get the parents that we need/want.” – pcnauta
“NTA – I’m not a huge proponent of taking things online, but what they did was hurtful. They picked a date 2 days before your birthday and chose to exclude you. That’s messed up.”
“And then they doubled down by calling you a selfish brat rather than recognizing that maybe you’re hurt by the decision they made? They sound like the selfish brats to me.” – TackiestSasquatch
“NTA”
“I’m not sure who I am more horrified by Anna or your dad who allowed this atrocious behavior to take place.”
“You posting what happened probably headed off a lot of gossip about why you weren’t there most of which probably assumed that you didn’t want to go for some reason.” – Applesbabe
“NTA. They screwed you over and now they are angry because it came out? Their problem.”
“If they really think it OK not to invite the groom’s daughter they should not worry about it being public knowledge. Kudos to your mom for being the one who is a real parent.” – BigBlueHood
“I can understand not wanting kids there, especially little ones, but you’re own d*mn kids shouldn’t be apart of that rule.”
“Nothing says we’re a family like excluding their daughter from the ceremony that makes yall a family. They’re TA.” – MayorWildWest
“NTA, if they were on the level about it why were they angry you told people? That really sucks, and so does their behaviour.”
“Whoa, just realised I missed that you’d bought all the clothes already when they told you, that is some serious A behaviour, low/no contact may be an idea from now on.” – RemSteale
“Here’s the thing, if people are so worried about their reputation, then they shouldn’t do things that hurt others and expect them to keep quiet about that.”
“It seems they care more about what others think about them then how their own child/stepchild feels.”
“Respect should be mutual. They didn’t respect you, so it’s wrong for them to expect you to respect them.”
“They keep using the terms “immature/mature” but the word they need to use is respect. Maturity is going to a wedding and acting in good behavior.”
“A 17/18 year old is mature to attend a wedding.”
“NTA” – jasperjamboree
Maya Angelou is the one to listen to on this one.