Listen, none of us enjoys filing our taxes each year. It's a big event every year of paperwork, numbers, and going over everything with a fine-toothed comb, and it's enough to give anybody goosebumps when they hear "April" and "fifteen" in the same sentence.
Hating it, however, is not reason enough to just not do it, pointed out the members of the "Am I overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Mysterious-Oil-9619 was looking forward to marrying their fiancée, at least until they found out that she had not filed her taxes for the past six years, let alone paid anything she was legally required to pay.
After discovering this, the Original Poster (OP) had a very disgruntled Fiancée on their hands when they gave her an ultimatum: file and pay those taxes, or don't get married at all.
They asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by saying that I won't legally marry my partner until she files and pays her taxes?"
The OP worked hard to reach a new financial bracket in life.
"I have been with my fiancée for five years. She has been successful in her career and has been lucky enough to be hired (with significant equity) at a startup that took off."
"When we started our relationship, I was trying to get a small business off the ground and was struggling financially. For two years, I think I took home $30,000 per year. I gave that up and transitioned into tech, partially for myself, but mainly for her and the lifestyle expectations this relationship comes with."
"I don’t have a ton of savings, and I have finally gotten myself out of the hole put myself in financially, moving to LA and doing a boot camp early in our relationship."
"To be clear, I’m thankful for where I am now career-wise. I wouldn’t trade it for what I had before."
While dating their future wife, they made a shocking discovery about her financial habits.
"I learned three years ago that she hadn’t paid taxes in at least four years, which has now become over six years."
"I asked her to get that figured out for a while, but backed off over a year ago after it became a major rift and realized she wasn’t going to do anything about it."
"The government is now garnishing her wages."
"We are set to get married early next year. I am worried that the government will come after me (once we are married) unless she takes care of this."
"I, as an individual, cannot take on the amount of debt that she probably owes and cannot afford to have my wages garnished."
The OP gave their future wife an ultimatum.
"She says she wants me to help her and that I am hanging this over her head."
"I have connected her to advisors, and she has found a few on her own. She’s met with two in the past two years and still done nothing."
"I told her that I will not legally marry her until she sorts this out."
"Also, when I say 'pay taxes,' I really mean FILE. She does have pay deducted out of her paycheck from her W2 job, but it’s standard and she is in the 30%+ tax bracket. I’m certain she owes money still."
"She has the money to pay it off. It’s not about the fact that she has debt at this point; it’s the avoidance. She's not even filing."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that they were right to have these concerns and to hold off getting married indefinitely.
"A good friend of mine ended up losing HER house that she had before she married a guy who didn't pay his taxes. Don't do it. The IRS is ruthless." - Chumptopia
"She will not win on this one. Remind her, death and taxes. This would be an absolute dealbreaker for me." - Own_Expert2756
"You do realize that the 'things she wants out of her life' is for you to be her sugar daddy and make all her financial problems go away, right? Like that was super apparent to everyone two paragraphs in when you wrote, '...but mainly for her and the lifestyle expectations this relationship comes with...'"
"You're being used. If anything, you are underreacting and making a really stupid life decision by not ending it altogether." - AmishAngst
"So, you need to leave this manipulative predator. The moment you marry, by contract with the state, her debt becomes your debt, and depending on where you live, if you divorce, you keep 50% of the remainder of that debt on you."
"It's between you as one financial unit and the government, so I don't think a prenup would help." - That-Employment-5561
"NOR. I didn't know my late husband had federal student loan debt until we had been married for three years, and the IRS was going to keep our entire tax refund. Every year going forward, I had to file an injured spouse form and accept whatever the IRS determined was my portion of the tax refund."
"The form kept me out of legal trouble, but it still cost me. I had three children, and he had none. The money I would have received through child tax credits was cut in half. Even though it was technically my refund for my kids, since he could claim them as dependents, half of what I should have received for them went towards his debt."
"This was the money I used for school expenses, clothes, eyeglasses, dentist, etc. This took money directly from my kids that I had always used for their needs."
"Do not marry her until the debt is fully resolved. With her wages being garnished, the IRS has already decided what she owes. She isn't doing anything to help herself or this situation by ignoring it. It isn't going to go away."
"Please be smart about this. You're seeing that she will avoid dealing with major problems regardless of the consequences. You don't want her consequences to become yours as well." - Dixieland_Insanity
"She's using you. Point, blank, period. I could tell from your original post with your lifestyle comment (not to mention her 'friends' husbands take care of the accounting' comment). You shouldn't marry someone who's using you."
"Not sure why you would want to marry someone so financially irresponsible that she didn't take care of her taxes until her wages started literally being garnished. IRS gives a lot of chances before that happens." - labellavita1985
Others agreed and pointed out that their partner had all of the resources she needed to make this right, if she really wanted to get married. It was her problem, and it was up to her to fix it.
"You’re setting out standards for your life, not hers. You won’t marry someone whose financial affairs are chronically in disarray. That’s objectively eminently reasonable. It’s up to her what she does from here." - jr0061006
"She can't afford a wedding if she can't afford to pay her taxes." - BangarangPita
"You are not being unreasonable. She is. Why does what she wants out of life include financially burdening you due to her lack of action? She could take care of this and move her life forward, but has chosen not to. That is a problem that is HER responsibility to address." - Moist-Drippings
"So on top of everything else, she's manipulative. Pay attention to what she's saying and doing! And once again, you reference "the things she wants in life" and not the joint life a normal couple would be building."
"Maybe ask a therapist why you are stuck with a person this selfish and arrogant. Once you get away from her--when you stop listening to her alternate version of reality--you will see this very clearly." - LovedAJacka**Once
"You know what they say, sex and money are the big deal breakers in marriage. This? This is just basic financial responsibility. She isn’t responsible."
"Why she won’t deal with her debt is definitely a conversation you need to have. Not marrying her is a good decision. It sounds like she is great at manipulation until she is up against something she can’t manipulate, like paying taxes."
"Don’t let her try to rationalize this. That is a big red flag. She is just irresponsible." - BigPhilosopher4372
"She will be in legal trouble eventually. How does she possibly twist the narrative of her getting into legal trouble, to somehow make you the bad guy? Just walk away, dude. She doesn't want to take accountability. Don't take the fall for her." - PrestigiousDemand696
No matter how much the OP might love their future wife, the amount of debt and legal trouble she'd bring into the marriage with her would not be worth ruining everything the OP had worked hard to build. If she really wanted to marry them, she needed to get her affairs in order first, to prove that she'd really be there for them and put her best foot forward on their wedding day.
