Doing a favor for someone, be it ever so small, is almost always guaranteed to make us feel better about ourselves afterward.
That doesn’t mean mustering up the courage to perform this favor is always easy.
Especially if it means inconveniencing ourselves.
Or at least it seems like we’ll have to inconvenience ourselves.
Redditor Theblueportal was approached by a colleague about doing her a favor.
A favor the original poster (OP) really didn’t want to have to do.
Thankfully, the colleague didn’t end up needing this help.
However, the OP’s noticeable relief at this matter did not sit particularly well with their colleague.
Having some doubts about how they behaved, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not giving my vacation day to a coworker getting married?”
The OP explained why they found themselves at odds with a colleague at work:
“My job does vacation days by seniority and we submit the bulk of our vacation requests at the same time every year.”
“So you kind of need to plan ahead if you have big plans, or you need to work around the days that are still available after we submit all our leave requests.”
“When we did this process in March of 2025, I submitted a request for the day after MLK day in January 2026.”
“The day after a holiday is brutal at my job, there is a lot more work to do and you are often stuck there late.”
“I have frequently tried to get the day after a federal holiday off.”
“Lucky me, there was one slot available and I was the only person to request it, so I got it.”
“Fast forward to December of 2025, and a coworker approaches me and tells me she is getting married.”
“This is top secret info and she is only telling a few people, but she would really like me to let her know if I cancel my vacation day so she can put in for it.”
“She was able to get 6 days off for this secret wedding, but she really wanted my day off also.”
“Ok, that’s fine, I’ll let you know.”
“I could tell she was expecting me to immediately agree because she seemed kind of dejected.”
“A day or two later, she tells me she doesn’t want it anymore.”
“I said ok, I probably wasn’t going to cancel it anyway.”
“She said she thinks I would have because it’s a big deal.”
“After this our relationship at work was about the same still.”
“Which is to say, I hardly know this woman, and we’re not friends or anything.”
“Just cordial coworkers.”
“Not long after the vacation day request, there was a point where we were being forced to work overtime based on our seniority level.”
“She was first in line, and I was second.”
“She asked me if I would trade spots with her because she had something going on after work, and I said I didn’t want to do that.”
“After that point, she has stopped talking to me entirely.”
“A couple of my other coworkers seem a little standoffish towards me now also. I can only speculate that it is because of something she said, but I don’t know for sure.”
“Look, I’m not doing anything on my vacation day.”
“I just don’t want to work that day.”
“I put in for that day off almost a year ago.”
“And I didn’t want to work overtime that other day either, but I don’t have a ton going on.”
“I just flat out didn’t want to.”
“Maybe I should have tried to help my coworker out more?”
“AITA for not cancelling my vacation day and not working the overtime for my about to be newlywed coworker?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for not giving her vacation days to her colleague.
Some didn’t think there were any a**holes in this situation, feeling that the OP had no obligation to give up their vacation days, but also didn’t think it was unreasonable for the OP’s colleague to ask for the change, considering it was for her wedding:
“NAH.”
“But at the same time, don’t expect anyone else to do any favors for you around the office.”
“If you get a reputation in your workplace as the person who never helps anyone else out, even when they could, then you’re going to have zero social capital to draw on in the event that you need help from others.”- yourlittlebirdie
While others felt the OP’s decision was more than justified, even if they urged them to use their words a little more carefully going forward:
“NTA for not giving up your time off, BUT your starting to exhibit a pattern that you won’t be helpful at all.”
“In the future if something happens and you need a shift covered, be ready for people to turn you down as you don’t seem like a team player at this point.”
“It’s one thing to say no to a pre-arranged time off request as you’ve done it far in advance.”
“Saying no to a shift cover right after starts to show that you don’t want to go out of your way at all.”
“Ever.”
“At least that’s what it looks like to outsiders.”
“They might see it as a pattern and they are not going to want to go out of their way for you if you ever need the help.”- Lighthouse_on_Mars
“NTA.”
“The company is the a**hole for artificially creating this stupid system where two employees can’t take one single day off at the same time.”- Sage_Planter
“NTA.”
“But what was the point of saying ‘I probably wasn’t going to cancel anyway?’”
“That just seems like an AH thing to say.”
“I think your coworkers probably just don’t like you because of things like that.”
“That’s why they’re being ‘standoffish’.”- IHaveBoxerDogs
“NTA on not switching days.”
“YTA for the ‘I probably wasn’t going to cancel it anyway’ comments, which just makes you sound unlikable.”
“It was unnecessary.”
“You could have just said ‘ok’ and left it.”
“Or I’m glad you got your wedding figured out.”
“NTA for not trading overtime, but for your sak,e I hope you never need favors from your coworkers.”- BlondDee1970
Then there were those who had trouble sympathizing with the OP, feeling it was unnecessary of them to tell their colleague they didn’t plan on giving up their vacation days:
“‘I probably wasn’t going to anyway’.”
“This is where YTA.”
“This was completely unnecessary.”
“You’re not obligated to switch, but it’s a kindness you could have extended.”
“But telling her you’re going to wash your hair* is kind of a d*ck move, even if it’s true.”
“*not literal, just what it sounds like to an observer.”- Dry_Future_852
“YTA.”
“Not because you didn’t give up your vacation day or refuse the overtime, you were fully within your rights to say no to both. No one is entitled to your PTO or your time just because they’re getting married but you were a jerk about it.”
“Saying ‘I probably wasn’t going to cancel it anyway’ was unnecessary and rude.”
“That’s the kind of comment that makes people mentally file you under unhelpful and unsympathetic.”
“Same with refusing the overtime trade with zero flexibility.”
“Again, allowed, but it sends a message.”
“The vibe you’re giving off is ‘I don’t care about you, don’t ask me for anything’.”
“People are allowed to respond to that by distancing themselves or being standoffish.”
“You don’t have to sacrifice your time to be liked, but you also don’t get to act blunt and transactional and then be surprised when people stop being warm toward you.”
“You can be right and still be the a**hole, and in this case, that’s what happened.”- cjanes96
“Soft YTA, But only for the day requested for the wedding.”
“For everyone here asking ‘who plans like that’, my niece had a hastily arranged courthouse wedding because her father had cancer and received news that the treatment was not working and he had mere months to live.”
“He did indeed die less than a year later but got to attend her wedding.”
“Sometimes life is messy.”
“Extend people the grace you’d want to receive if the tables were turned.”- BeKind999
It’s not surprising that the OP would be frustrated about having to give away her vacation days, which were very difficult to obtain.
That said, since it turned out not to be an issue, it wasn’t necessary for the OP to tell this colleague that they weren’t going to give them up anyway, as that would have been essentially rubbing salt in the wound.
For better or worse, it seems the OP needn’t worry about any of their colleagues asking them for a favor ever again.