If people can do favors for another person or find a way to make another person's life easier, most of the time, a person will do it.
Humans making life better for other humans is a beautiful thing.
But sometimes, the asks can be a little too big.
Not every favor is doable.
Redditor VlCTORlATHEGREAT wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"WIBTA If I refused to switch dorms with a girl who was autistic?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"So basically, I go to an almost Montessori boarding school, where the students get to choose their own dorms and roommates."
"I have what most people would agree to be the best dorm."
"This is because the way our dorms are set up, every dorm that is made for two people has a bathroom in it and is bigger than the singles, and single dorms don't have bathrooms and have to share a communal bathroom with three other single dorms."
"Apparently, around 3 years before I got to my dorm, multiple people complained that my dorm was too small for 2 people, so the school just made it a single."
"It was too small because it's next to the laundry room."
"I chose this room because I have a family friend who told me about it."
"And because of the way the boarding is set up, I'm going to the same room, just a floor up, every year."
"So, where the problem starts is that a girl transferred to our school this year, and is autistic."
"The school has rooms for people who have disabilities; however, I've never been in one of them."
"Before spring break, she knocked on my door and asked if we could talk."
"She basically asked if we could switch dorms (but not really, because I don't qualify for a disability dorm) because my dorm would be better adjusted for her, becasue its close to the laundry room, has a window that faces the quad, etc."
"I feel bad, because she said that she lives out of state, and has to spend all weekends and smaller breaks on campus, whereas I live pretty close by and frequently go to my own house, basically whenever I want."
"And because she is also new and doesn't have many friends on campus, she's also probably gonna spend a lot of time in the dorm."
"I talked to my school before break, and they said I don't have to do it, but if I wanted to, I could be switched to an open single on campus."
The OP was left to wonder:
"I really love my dorm and don't want to switch, but I feel like I would be a dic*head if I don't, so WIBTA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA - not NAH because it sounds like sheʻs trying to guilt-trip and manipulate you, using her autism as an excuse to get an especially nice room."
"Itʻs the schoolʻs job to accommodate her. If thereʻs some issue with her room, they need to fix it."
"It sounds like thereʻs nothing wrong with her room, she just likes yours better."
"She doesnʻt deserve it more than you do."
"You seem to be fuzzy on this because sheʻs autistic and spends all her time on campus, and sheʻs guilt tripping you about those points."
"Thatʻs unfair and inappropriate of her." ~ NapalmAxolotl
"Okay, itʻs possible the other girl isnʻt intentionally guilt tripping OP."
"But thatʻs definitely the effect sheʻs having."
"If the other girl came to us, sheʻd say she was just innocently asking, so that was ok, right?"
"Except she said she wanted the room because sheʻs autistic, and because she lives out of state and stays there on breaks, and because she doesnʻt have many friends."
"And I would tell that other girl soft YTA - she may not have meant to be manipulative, and in fact being an autistic teenager means itʻs more likely to be unintentional, but it still wasnʻt fair of her to ask that way."
"Especially if she repeated it rather than just asking once, which seems likely but wasnʻt specified."
"She may not have literally said 'I deserve it more,' but she was definitely trying to make that point." ~ NapalmAxolotl
"I agree with you."
"She may not have been doing it maliciously, but asking a stranger to literally live somewhere else and then giving a laundry list of reasons you deserve sympathy and will be sad if they say no will predictably make the other person, a complete stranger that you are asking for a gigantic favor, feel like they have to say yes out of guilt even if they’re really not comfortable."
"It may not have been malicious, but it also wasn’t appropriate." ~ Viener-Schnitzel
"Yep, it sounds like she was polite about it, and not demanding, and she’s within her rights to ask."
"If you don’t ask, you don’t get, after all."
"OP is within her rights to say no for whatever reason, and it wouldn’t be appropriate for OP to take a disabled person’s room anyway."
"It’s also a solid first-come, first-served situation."
"Maybe the new girl can take the open single."
"She might like it better than her current room." ~ Outrageous-Ad-9635
"NAH. She is free to ask."
"You are free to refuse."
"You don't owe her an obligation of care."
"If she has issues, she can bring them up to the administration, and the administration can handle them." ~ compiledexploit
"This. So often we place feelings of guilt on ourselves and attribute it to the asker."
"She will not get the room if she doesn’t first ask."
"But you also can say no."
"She should accept that, and no one should feel guilty or like the AH."
"It is the same as switching airplane seats (only longer duration in this situation)."
"Someone should be able to ask for a switch and explain their reasons."
"Some people will not be attached to their seat/window/aisle, and in this case, room, and will switch." ~ Zealousideal-Sail972
"NTA. Late diagnosis club member here, and being close to the laundry is not a neurodiverse trait."
"Actually, rhythmic squeaking noise from the laundry is more likely to be a trigger than anything else." ~ Grumpy_Sober_Driver
"Late diagnosis here too - you know, neurodivergence literally means acknowledging people’s brains work differently, right?"
"What helps one person may hinder someone else."
"Prime example is quiet hours in a supermarket: I avoid them because I’m more self-aware when it’s too quiet, and being uncomfortable with my decision paralysis in a crowd is the lesser of two evils."
"And meditation makes my brain work double time."
"I can see the appeal of being close to a facility rather than walking through corridors with dirty clothing, but agree OP is NTA as it’s the school’s responsibility to make accommodations, and they’ve told her not to worry about it." ~ lizfour
"As an autistic person myself, you’re NTA."
"Particularly in dormitories, it is difficult to suit everyone."
"If her autism is very disabling, she needs to speak to disability support on campus to accommodate her needs."
"That is not your responsibility."
"Why can’t she just get one of the disability rooms?"
"This being said, and a slightly controversial take, sometimes we do need to challenge ourselves in life despite our disability."
"It makes you more resilient." ~ Efficient_Attitude31
"NAH: If the dorm you have is not designated for folks with disabilities, I don't think you have anything to feel bad about."
"I am sure a lot of people would find it more convenient, including other people with disabilities."
"Why feel bad for this girl vs everyone else who might prefer your room?"
"Just cause she happened to notice it's a nice room doesn't mean you owe it to her."
"It's fine that she asked, but ya."
"The only unfairness here is that this one room happens to be better than others, but you didn't design things that way, and you may as well benefit as anyone." ~ moonhrafn
"NTA, don’t switch, why give up a space that makes you feel comfortable for someone else?"
"You have your own bathroom and will go to sharing with 3 people in a single room."
"Nah, fam, she can go sit on it and spin!"
"Keep your peace, she has to figure out how to make life work for her; the accommodations she needed were provided by the school."
"If more is needed, the school should help her, not you!" ~ NoContribution9322
"NTA. You can choose either way."
"You are not obligated to give up the space."
"Based on the information you've given, I don't really understand how the reasoning she gave for wanting to switch rooms makes it better suited for her." ~ irwiwse
"NTA, it's the school's job to accommodate her needs, not yours." ~ malshapen
OP came back to chat...
"Edit/Update: I came back on campus today, and saw the girl in the cafeteria."
"I already emailed her saying that I wasn’t going to switch dorms, but I wanted to talk to her face-to-face."
"I want it to be very clear that she wasn’t trying to guilt-trip me; she just asked because, as many of you said in the comments, 'closed mouths don’t get fed.'"
"I also want to add that when she initially asked to trade/switch dorms, she had a good explanation for each reason I put in the original post, I just forgot to add it/don’t really know how to word them (lol)."
"Please don’t spread any more ableist comments on this post."
"She is very kind and sweet, and was NOT weaponizing her autism."
"She is going to stay in her original dorm, which she says is perfectly fine for her."
It's nice to hear that the situation is resolved.
Reddit has your back. OP.
That was a big ask.
You have every right to want to stay in your space.
