When traveling, one of the bigger expenses we often have to budget for is accommodation.
This is why many people rely on the kindness of friends who are living in the places they are traveling to to crash in their guest rooms, or even their sofas.
Some people are natural hosts and welcome the company.
Others would prefer their home not be invaded if at all possible.
Redditor anony56678 definitely fell in the latter category.
However, when a friend from out of town asked if she could stay with her, the original poster (OP) grudgingly relented.
A decision she lived to regret, even going so far as to declare she would never host overnight guests again.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for deciding I will never host my friend again after she ruined my weekend with a 'hangover ER' emergency?"
The OP explained why her friend became persona non grata in her home after a recent visit:
"I (26 F[emale]) live in Melbourne in my own apartment."
"I love my space and routine, so I rarely host guests."
"Recently, a friend (25 F) from Brisbane visited on 6 days' notice."
"I stayed at her place once in the past, though I prefer hotels and can afford them."
"This trip made me realize I am not cut out for hosting."
"The breaking point happened on her second-to-last night."
"We went out and she drank heavily, despite not being a regular drinker."
"The next day, I was at a 'no plus-ones' anniversary picnic at the Royal Botanic Gardens."
"While there, she messaged me panicking over a severe hangover and throwing up acid."
"Because she didn't have ambulance cover and feared the cost, she refused to call one."
"Feeling terrible, I cut my afternoon short, said rushed goodbyes, and braved heavy weekend traffic to get home to her."
"When I arrived, she was on the couch talking to a nurse helpline and insisted on going to the emergency room."
"I dropped everything and took her."
"After a short wait, the ER doctors completely cleared her, gave her nausea tablets and a sandwich, and sent her home. It was incredibly high-stress."
"That Sunday night at 9:30 PM, as I was in bed winding down for the work week, she knocked on my bedroom door, panicking that she had thrown up again."
"The hospital had already cleared her, so I felt completely helpless, but I gave her electrolytes and tried to get her to rest. I genuinely feel bad she was sick, and she apologized for being a downer, but this made me realize my apartment is my sanctuary and I lack the emotional bandwidth to host."
"Since returning to Brisbane, she’s been dropping constant hints about coming down to Melbourne whenever there’s a concert, as her local close friends have kids and can't go."
"She also mentions routinely relying on friends for free accommodation in places like Paris, so I feel she expects my place to be her default Melbourne base."
"I feel trapped because she hosted me once, but having houseguests isn't for me."
"I plan to tell her gently but directly that I’ve implemented a strict 'no houseguests' policy for personal reasons and she'll need to sort her own accommodation next time."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for banning future houseguests from her home.
Pretty much everyone agreed that even if the OP's incident had not occurred, the OP was well within her rights to establish a no-houseguest rule, even if some felt she should be upfront to her friend about this:
"The amount of times I threw up bile when I was younger is insane."
"I never called an ambulance."
"NTA here."
"But I think everyone overreacted to a hangover."- robstrosity
"NTA."
"She hosted you once."
"You hosted her once."
"Consider it even and don't leave out the welcome mat."- snarkness_monster
"NTA."
"I wouldn’t necessarily announce a policy."
"Just say no if and when she asks."- embopbopbopdoowop
"Tell her the truth."
"Friends are honest with each other."
"I went to Vegas with a friend just before Covid."
"My friend got super drunk, and threw up on herself, and the chair and the floor of our hotel room."
"She was in the middle of a long, rambling, incoherent sentence, and then suddenly, she was vomiting."
"I called down to the desk, and I guess because it's Vegas, they were ready for such things, and had a hazmat team in the room within maybe 15 min with all manner of sprays and a wet vacuum that just sucked that nasty up."
"But they charged us a LOT for it - I don't remember what, and she wanted me to split that charge."
"Not happening. I told her I love her, but wasn't going to share hotel rooms with her ever again."
"We are a lot older than you, and I'm too old for that."
"You are, too."
"NTA, of course."- GenoFlower
"NTA, and she's being a silly duffer."
"QLD residents are covered in every state/territory."
"Ambulance Vic would send her a bill, and she would forward it to QLD Ambulance, who would sort it out."
"Kind of surprised the helpline didn't know that."
"Hell, I've had to call one in NSW with no cover, as we were pulling into an emergency, they were asking me about private health/ambulance cover, said I didn't have any."
"Asked how I was going to pay then as a uni student, said 'money, I guess'."
"Dude just deleted the record of transport."
"Ambos are good people generally and in a pinch usually willing to bend some rules to ensure better patient care."- chalk_in_boots
"NTA."
"She hosted you once, and now you’ve hosted her once."
"The scales are balanced, you don’t owe her more free stays or rides to the hospital."- cassowary32
"NTA."
"I had a kind of similar situation."
"A friend who has a drink problem stayed for a few days and was obviously secretly drinking."
"I thought she was sober."
"Stressful was not the word."
"Everything she talks about coming to my city I say nothing."
"No invite is offered even though it's heavily hinted at."
"She asked directly once and my response was, 'That isn't going to work for me, given how stressful the last visit was. You're going to have make other plans'."
"She did argue a bit that it wasn't that bad or that she won't do it again but I stayed firm."
"Have a few key phrases to use and keep repeating them."- Available-Bison-9222
"NTA."
"But you’re adult so use your adult words and communicate honestly."
"Given she’s already dropping hints, you need to nip this in the bud now or else you’re just going to write another post like this in a few months."
“'Hey, I’m unable to host you in the future, I’ve come to realize it’s something that brings me undue anxiety and stress. So while I would love to see you when you’re in town, I won’t be able to let you stay over'.”
"And if she asks why, well, you should be honest and tell her it’s because she was a bad houseguest."
"Your friend was pretty disrespectful in my opinion. Best if you’re a guest in someone else’s home, you should be on your best behavior, which includes watching how much you drink so you don’t puke your life out."
"Doesn’t even sound like she thanked you for sacrificing time, energy, space for her, which doubles down on her being a bad houseguest."
"And remember, if creating a boundary like this makes her talk sh*t about you or be a bad friend to you… well, she was never a friend in the first place, then."- epoops
"NTA but grow a spine."
"She hosted you once, you hosted her once."
"You're even."
"Cut her off."- ScroochDown
"NTA."
"Tbf, I think you could host other people no problem."
"This chick is just a terrible guest."- Flat-Replacement4828
"NTA."
"You may have extended your hospitality to her in the past but the bottom line is, it’s your place and therefore you can implement whatever rules you want, whenever you want."
"I don’t think you owe her an explanation either."
"Just state very plainly 'no houseguests'."
"Also, going to the ER for a hangover?"
"She’s ridiculous."- CalmTonsillectomy
"NTA."
"But the best lesson I learned in life was - you don’t need to give a reason."
"If she asks - just say 'I can’t host you then. Sorry'.”
"You don’t need to follow this up with a reason."- Commercial-Tomato205
One should only ask if they can stay at someone's home if there won't be any kind of imposition.
Sadly, the OP's friend imposed upon her in the worst possible way.
One imagines, however, that anyone would share the OP's lack of desire to host this friend, or anyone else again, had they been in her shoes.
Assuming others haven't experienced this with this particular friend already...
