When staying in another person’s home, most people do all they can to be grateful and accommodating.
Houseguests usually do all they can to be respectful and not upend the balance of others’ homes.
But then certain houseguests seem to cause chaos.
They’re not being malicious, just oblivious and disrespectful.
This can stir up a lot of drama.
Redditor amtcannon wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for banning my wife’s Disney-divorce friend’s plug-ins from our house?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My wife’s friend Melissa (49 F[emale]) is staying with us for a few weeks while she sorts her life out.”
“We have a large home and are very happy to have houseguests.”
“She’s leaving her husband after 25 years of marriage because she wants to move to LA and work at Disneyland.”
“This sounds like the plot of a bad sitcom, but I’m afraid it’s real.”
“Both she and her husband are equally culpable for the failure of their marriage, and really bring out the worst in one another. “
“Their relationship has been in a state for as long as I’ve known them.”
“The problem is Melissa showed up with an arsenal of room scents and sprays, and plugins.”
“The smell (teenage girl with a side of forever chemicals/eau de Disneyland) has completely taken over the hallway, the family bathroom, my office, and even down two flights of stairs into the foyer, drawing room, and living room.”
“It’s strong, it’s nasty, and it’s made of and smells like all of the chemicals that we avoid.”
“Side bar – we’ve been cleansing ourselves of chemical nasties, and have curated our home to smell clean and subtle, it’s part of what makes it feel like home.”
“Now it just smells like Teen Spirit.”
“Melissa is genuinely lovely and in a vulnerable spot, and I don’t want to make her feel unwelcome.”
“But it’s our house, and this is something we’ve been intentional about.”
“However… outside of our personal feelings about plugins, it feels really out there to lock up in someone else’s home and decide to bring your own plug-in scents to totally change the smell of the house.”
“I mentioned how strong the smell was, assuming it was a room spray, and how it was overtaking every room, she said, ‘yeah the plug-ins are pretty strong.'”
“I was so shocked, I asked her to remove them.”
“I opened up with a sensitive ask, ‘hey, those room sprays are pretty strong, would you mind keeping the door closed if you’re using them,’ and spiraled a bit when I heard her say plugins (plural).”
“My wife told me I was being an AH for making her uncomfortable when she is going through a lot, and that I could b*tch to her about it, and it was over the line to ask her to stop.”
“I was incredulous that she thought it was okay to change the scent of our house.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the AH here, like my wife says? I feel pretty justified in my complaint.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. She’s making you uncomfortable in YOUR home.” ~ SigSauerPower320
“OP’s going to have a terrible time getting rid of that houseguest, let alone the smell.”
“OP’s also got a spouse problem on top of it.”
“Being a guest in someone’s home doesn’t mean you get to put your scents all over the house.”
“The entitlement there is wild, unless she asked, and OP’s wife said it was okay without checking with OP.” ~ ElemWiz
“My mum is wildly allergic to air fresheners, especially plug-ins, and has to avoid some people’s houses as they refuse to unplug them for a while before she arrives.”
“They also set off asthma-like symptoms in me and my dad.”
“They’re really bad for lots of people, aside from the intrusive smells.” ~ anyanka_eg
“I have the same problems.”
“I have multiple chemical sensitivities, and artificial fragrances of any kind really set off my allergies and asthma.”
“I was in the hospital for a little over 5 weeks last year, and among the things that kept me there was people’s overuse of scent.” ~ Beneficial-Math-2300
“NTA. Most plug-ins give me a massive headache.” ~ Migwelded
“NTA, and also, most likely if she’s using the ones from Disney, they may be Scentsy (who partners with them), and it’s M[ulti-L[evel]-M[arketing] as well.”
“Tread carefully, especially if your wife is trying to bend over backwards to help her.”
“She may try to get your wife to sell by using her situation as a way to help her.” ~ SindilThendal
“I’m autistic and do not like strong smells.”
“It gets to the point where I can taste whatever the strong smell is.”
“OP is NTA for sure.” ~ Fireemblemisthebest
“You’re right about those plugins being toxic.”
“We don’t use those in our home.”
“I’m also cleansing myself of toxins because of chronic health problems.”
“Could you provide more details about your conversation with the Disney guest?”
“You said you spiraled when she said plugins.”
“Did you yell at her?”
“Were you disrespectful?”
“I agree that what she did was disrespectful.”
“She sounds immature, honestly.”
“I would have a sit-down with her and explain that plugins affect your health and you’ve been working hard to get chemicals out of your body and home, so they can’t be in your house.”
“Honestly, I don’t care if she’s going through something hard.”
“She should still respect your home.” ~ Dependent-Feed1105
OP responded…
“I asked her to remove them in what I felt was a neutral tone, but was probably a bit robotic.”
“My words in the conversation were mainly neutral.”
“I tried to be constructive.”
“I explained that I could smell them everywhere and that we were working hard to remove toxic products from our home.”
“I ended by saying I hate the smell of them, which was unnecessary.”
“Where I think I am in danger of being the mayor of AH town was by pulling a variety of faces (involuntarily) while I processed the fact that she has plugged in scent diffusers in my home.”
“I have a very expressive face and don’t hide my emotions very well.”
Reddit continued…
“You’re fine.”
“Maybe next time, if you have another conversation, you can focus on how the smells distract you rather than how you hate them.”
“That way, it becomes a practical matter rather than a personal preference.”
“Your faces were fine too.”
“You did your best to be tactful, and the problem stems from the other person.”
“If you’re too nice, they might not get the message, but it looks like you got your point across.” ~ awkward_penguin
“NTA. Your health and comfort (IN YOUR OWN HOME) are important.”
“As someone with allergies and mild asthma, the struggle can be real with scents and stuff.”
“She can tone it down.” ~ wanderingstorm
“NTA, opening your home to a friend in need is generous.”
“When you asked her to tone down the scents, a grateful guest would apologize and try to find a compromise that works for everyone.”
“Many people are sensitive to perfumes, air fresheners, and artificial smells.”
“A guest needs to understand that the host’s home is their safe place.” ~ Jaded-Moose983
“NTA. I cannot imagine why anyone would think even for a second that it was okay to plug in scents like that in someone else’s home.”
“Honestly, even asking is a big WTF.”
“Personally, I react pretty unpleasantly to a lot of synthetic fragrances, so I’d be about ready to go ballistic if a house guest did that to me.”
“I hosted my aunt post-organ transplant a few years ago, and my cousin was here when she passed due to a trio of related infections, because I’m the only family member who lives close to the hospital doing the transplant.”
“That cousin is one of my closest family members.”
“So I’ve had houseguests under some pretty damn serious life situations, and I still would have been deeply upset if they had put in plug-ins without so much as a by your leave.” ~ KaliTheBlaze
“NTA. Using one plug-in in the guestroom is fine.”
“But across the whole house without telling the hosts?”
“That’s not guest behavior.”
“She’s rude and might try to become a roommate, not a guest.” ~ revantheblackdragon
“NTA. I am not even that sensitive to fragrances, I mean, I wear natural perfume regularly.”
“But that room scent stuff will mess up my whole day with headaches and coughing.”
“You can’t just plug that s**t in as a GUEST in someone’s home.”
“I’d give a single warning, then insist on her getting out.” ~ loseit_throwit
“Whatever the case may be with her marriage and life in general, she is still a guest in your home and needs to respect your boundaries.”
“That being not plugging in a bunch of strong-smelling air fresheners in common spaces of your home.”
“And you were nice about it. NTA.” ~ Hansm84
OP came back to chat…
“To address the frequently asked questions.”
“The plug-ins are already gone, the conversation pivoted from ‘could you please keep the door closed when you spray the room’ to’ can you please remove the plug-ins.'”
“She apologized and removed them immediately.”
“I also spotted, after writing this post, that the intake vent for the central air was about twelve feet from where one of the plugins was.”
“This explains how the whole house got gunked up so quickly.”
“The smell still hasn’t gone 24 hours later.”
“In the part of the conversation where the plugins were revealed, my wife informed me that my facial expressions were all over the place, a mix of shock and disgust.”
“I maintained a friendly but firm tone when I asked her to remove them, and explained my reasoning clearly.”
“I capped the conversation by saying I hated the smell of them, which was unkind and deeply unhelpful.”
“In my defense genuinely do hate the smell, and I was so thoroughly flabbergasted that an adult would think this is okay to do that I made an unguarded comment.”
Well, OP, it sounds like this will all work out.
You had every right to confront someone about their behavior in your home.
You weren’t trying to be mean, but you had a point to make.
Glad the situation is resolving itself.
Good luck.