Food allergies cause an estimated 150 to 200 deaths and trigger about 30,000 emergency room visits and 2,000 hospitalizations annually in the United States. Most fatalities are caused by peanuts, tree nuts, fish, and shellfish.
Most accidental exposures happen in people unaware they have an allergy.
Of those people who do know, restaurants are the most common culprits through cross contamination or a lack of awareness on food safety, with potlucks and eating any food prepared by others, such as in school cafeterias or mess halls, also contributing for the same reasons.
Specific food allergies vary significantly by continent, believed by researchers to be driven by dietary habits, genetic factors, and environmental factors. Australia has one of the highest rates of food allergies in children at 10%.
The most common food allergies by global region are:
- North America/Australia/Europe: peanut, tree nuts, and cow’s milk
- Asia: shellfish, fish, rice, and soy
- Middle East: sesame seed allergies are more frequent due to high consumption levels
- Africa: maize/corn and sorghum
For a person with a severe food allergy, the safest foods they can eat are usually those prepared by their own hands in their own home.
A potluck participant turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after an allergy incident.
Happypomelohope asked:
"AITA for not 'being considerate' to my friend’s boyfriend’s allergies?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Firstly, I’d like to set the context that I understand that nuts are a very common allergy in some places. It’s just really not a common allergy in my country. Before this incident, I didn’t know a single person allergic to nuts."
"The most common allergy where I live is seafood. With that being said, I live in South East Asia. Nuts is not an unusual ingredient in our cuisine."
"We had a potluck with friends. We’re in our early 20s. I brought some pad thai, one of my favorites. It has nuts as an ingredient. My friends love it too. I told the group chat I would be bringing it, and no one had any issues."
"One of my friends brought her boyfriend. He’s Wasian [half White, half Asian], and this was our first time meeting him. He seemed rather offended seeing the Pad Thai with nuts all over it, cause he’s allergic. He implied that I’m inconsiderate for bringing a common 'danger' that can harm others."
"I apologized and said I didn’t know he was allergic. He said I should have known it’s a common allergy that should be avoided. I said our group ate out together in a Thai place in the past and had pad thai, and no one objected to my message saying I would be bringing it."
"My friend, his girlfriend, said she forgot to inform us about his allergy, or forgot that pad thai has peanuts. Which caused somewhat of an argument between them."
"There were other foods he could eat. And though the evening started off awkward, it eventually got better."
"The next day, we got a message in the group chat saying 'Please be considerate of others and avoid nuts next time, thanks!'"
"Was I being inconsiderate? I wasn’t aware of his allergy."
"AITA?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I might be the a**hole because I guess it really was a potential harm for him. Maybe I made him feel excluded or something? I just really wasn’t aware of nuts or peanuts being a common allergy."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. His girlfriend should have told you, and he sounds like a sook for it. Even in Western countries where nut allergies are more common, it's normal for people to bring food with allergens to potlucks unless they know someone's allergic. Honestly, I think he needs to take a breath because you literally didn't know." ~ 6767_6767_
"Plus there's different levels of allergies. I have a work friend who is allergic to nuts, but it's not severe/airborne, so we have nut dishes around, and she just doesn't touch them."
"If the allergy was bad enough that he threw a tantrum, then they should have/made sure his girlfriend mentioned it prior!" ~ iElvendork
"NTA. This was the first time he met you. There was prior warning that you were bringing the dish. And at no point did anyone tell you he was allergic to nuts."
"Yeah, they ban nuts in schools in some countries because it can trigger very severe anaphylaxis. But at some point as an adult, if you're THAT allergic to nuts, you're still expected to take care of yourself. Unlike a kid at school, he has the capacity to self advocate. All he had to do was ask his girlfriend to tell people about his nut allergy."
"I see allergies as an accessibility requirement. If you have a disability that impairs your access, at some point it's still up to you to tell people you need a place with wheelchair or walker access. Especially in any social situation where you're unknown to the people organising it."
"This is very much a 'how the hell would you know, did they expect you to be psychic?' scenario." ~ Ded_Jesta
"I’m American, where peanut allergy is very common, and I still say NTA." ~ hockey-house
"Hell, I have an airborne peanut allergy (I can’t even be around them for very long) and I also say NTA. I am American and have more allergies than any human should."
"In the US or anywhere I go, it is on me to let the host know about peanuts. I would never act this way, however, I would likely apologize profusely before leaving and meet my significant other later."
"He was incredibly rude… especially since he can be around peanuts and just can’t eat them. He sounds insufferable. Again, NTA." ~ FlyingSpaghettiFell
"NTA, how were you meant to know he had a nut allergy? His girlfriend didn’t tell you, and presumably you aren’t psychic, so I don’t see how you’re in the wrong here." ~ Pruritus_Ani_
"It doesn’t matter if it’s a common food allergy if you don’t think anyone in attendance has that allergy. Like nobody in my family is allergic to shellfish, so I would have no reason to avoid bringing shrimp cocktail to a potluck just because 'it’s a common allergy'."
"Nuts are food, and are served as such unless someone goes out of their way to advocate that someone coming has a nut allergy. It was either his or his girlfriend’s job to speak up about his nut allergy, you can’t work around 'what ifs'."
"Like, maybe someone could’ve been allergic to gluten, so were you not supposed to bring anything with gluten either? This is really a problem between him and his girlfriend, not you." ~ old_vegetables
"You brought Pad Thai to a potluck in SE Asia. This seems fairly standard, NTA. Your friend's boyfriend is going to be doing a lot of complaining if he has an issue with dishes with peanuts in them, though." ~ lord_buff74
"NTA. How were you supposed to know? That's his own fault. His allergy is his responsibility, not yours." ~ Technical_Dentist885
"You not only weren't aware, you *specifically asked* and your friend 'forgot' to tell you."
"NTA, your friend sucks, and her boyfriend sounds like he's exercising main character syndrome."
"Unfortunately, you'll probably just have to shrug and move on from this. On no account do apologize, though, just to be nice even if they don't deserve it." ~ TeenySod
"NTA. You announced your dish in advance, and it is the responsibility of the person with the allergy (or their partner) to speak up. Since peanuts are a staple in your region, expecting everyone to avoid them by default without prior notice is unrealistic." ~ grtvsx
"NTA. No one in your friend group has a nut allergy, and you've all eaten nuts at events before without issue. Are you supposed to avoid all types of allergens for friend potlucks because someone might unexpectedly bring someone along who might have an allergy of some kind? No, that would be ridiculous."
"It was the girlfriend's responsibility to tell everyone that she was bringing the boyfriend and that he is allergic to nuts, so please exclude nuts from anything you bring. She didn't do that. And you even gave a heads up of what you were bringing, where she could have asked if it had nuts, but she didn't."
"You are not at fault here, and she is trying to deflect her responsibility onto you so that her boyfriend is less mad at her mess up." ~ Wonderful_Ad_6089
The OP provided two quick updates, beginning with:
"Thanks for the comments, everyone. Glad to know I’m not going crazy. I’ll have to talk to my friend about this.
"Also, for anyone wondering why I mentioned he’s Wasian, I kind of meant maybe his allergy is a genetic thing from his American side as I understand it’s more common there. I probably should have added that he grew up in a White cultural region too."
"Anyway, thanks again. I’m off to enjoy some pad thai and peanut kisses (Filipino sweet snack)."
Followed by:
"I spoke to my friend. I think 'boyfriend' is too strong of a word. Apparently, they met online and had just recently started meeting up in person."
"My take is that he acted out to give her a reason to end things with him. Cause they apparently got into a fight about it, and are no longer seeing each other."
"Why I had to be collateral damage in all this, I don’t know. Anyway, that’s that."
As OP noted, the "common allergens" to avoid are different depending on where you live. They had no reason to assume anyone would be allergic to the dish they told their friends they were bringing.
