Nut allergies are as lethal.
It can be a scary, nerve-wracking situation.
That’s why parents are so serious about keeping their children with nut allergies safe.
But not everyone gets the memo.
Redditor SuchRestaurant8545 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for yelling at my mom for eating peanut butter in her own house?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My daughter (2.5) was diagnosed with peanut allergies (and pistachios and cashews) a year ago.”
“She became almost unconscious, vomited, and landed us in the ER (not anaphylactic).”
“It was terrifying to see my baby go through that.”
“I love my mom so much.”
“We’re really close.”
“And she loves my daughter like crazy.”
“Ever since the diagnosis, everyone in my family has been in agreement to not eat those nuts around her.”
“It seems so obvious and easy to my brothers, and my dad, but my mom keeps making what I think are dumb decisions.”
“When we go on vacation, she will go out of her way to bring big bags of nuts and nut candy with her.”
“She brought a little bag of pistachios when she stayed at my house one time and started shelling and eating them in my living room after my daughter went to sleep.”
“She bought peanut M&M’s to eat on a plane ride we all took together.”
“On these occasions, I kept my cool as I asked her not to do these things and pointed out the ridiculousness of her having to eat the one thing that my daughter is allergic to.”
“Well, we’ve been staying at her house for the past few days, and this morning my mom was eating a sandwich, my daughter went over and asked for a bite, and my mom said, ‘Sorry sweetie, you can’t have this, it’s peanut butter.'”
“And I kind of completely lost my s**t.”
“I asked her calmly why she was eating peanut butter, and she said, ‘I don’t know’ as she dumped it in the garbage.”
“And then I kind of lost it.”
“I got very emotional and raised my voice (something I never do), and I chewed her out for always eating nuts around my daughter even though she knows she’s allergic, even though I’ve asked her not to multiple times.”
“I told her I want to trust her so badly to watch my daughter without me there, but I just don’t.”
“I can’t.”
“And then I cried and stormed out of the room.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Anyways… AITA for yelling at my mom in her own house over this?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. I remember reading the coconut oil story on here.”
“It’s easily the saddest story I’ve read on this site.”
“Basically, a mother had a daughter who was severely allergic to coconut.”
“The little girl’s grandmother didn’t like her granddaughter’s curly hair and, while babysitting her grandchildren one night, decided to treat the little girl’s hair with coconut oil.”
“In the morning, the little girl was dead, because she was far more allergic than her grandmother thought she was.”
“Ever since the mother has been N[o] C[ontact] with the grandmother and as I remember, every so often, the grandmother calls to apologize, beg forgiveness and another chance in her life, but all the mother can say is ‘when you bring my daughter back.'”
“It’s as impossible to forgive her mother as it is for her daughter to come back.”
“It’s a tragic story, and I really think everyone should read it if they have a loved one with an allergy, so they remember to never get cocky with someone’s health.”
“So no. You are not.”
“She’s threatening your daughter’s life.” ~ Impossible_Disk_43
“OP is NTA.”
“There was a similar one in JustNoMil a few years back.”
“OP’s toddler was allergic to a few foods.”
“The grandmother didn’t believe the allergies to the extent that she made cookies using the allergens and kept them in the freezer.”
“When OP was visiting and took a nap, grandma of the year took out a cookie and gave it to the toddler, who quickly had a reaction and had trouble breathing.”
“Grandmother woke up OP in a panic, and the child went by ambulance to the hospital and was there for several days.”
“Grandmother couldn’t figure out why OP never wanted to see her again.” ~ chickens_for_laughs
“NTA. Why is your mom being passive-aggressive about this?”
“Does she not believe in allergies or something?”
“Does she hate your daughter?”
“Is she angry with you?”
“This just seems deliberate, dangerous, and mean-spirited. What kind of grandma does that?”
“I mean, it’s just so unnecessary and risky?”
“What if the kid just licked the sandwich without asking?”
“What if she puts it down for a second to go grab something, and your daughter gets her hands on it while you don’t even know there are nuts inside?”
“Is your mom addicted to nuts?”
“She needs rehab for that? WTF.”
“She’s being worse than an AH.” ~ bland-risotto
“NTA. Your mom is doing this on purpose.”
“You’d be shocked at the number of grandmas who don’t believe in allergies and keep giving grandkids those foods.”
“Anaphylaxis is defined as a 2-system reaction-it is not only the swelling of an airway.”
“My kid has A[icardi]-G[outières] S[yndrome] and had an anaphylactic reaction to livermush-GI system and skin but did not have trouble breathing.”
“Still classifies as anaphylaxis.”
“Your kid did have an anaphylactic reaction if she almost fainted (heart) and vomited.” ~ midcen-mod1018
“NTA, no one needs to take a bag of nuts on holidays to survive, especially when her own grandchild has a severe allergy, or to eat peanut butter at the specific moment she has a visit.” ~ Impressive_Bag9657
“NTA. This really sounds like one of those scenarios where the older generation refuses to take a food allergy seriously or has some weird idea that it’ll go away if the person with the allergy is just exposed to the allergen enough.”
“It’s not like this was a first offense or a one-off, and you blew up at the first sign of non-compliance. She’s showing a pattern here.”
“Even IF this is all unintentional and she’s just that absent-minded about it, you obviously can’t trust her to care for your daughter unsupervised, which is disappointing.”
“It might be time to go low-contact for a bit until she gives you some clear indication she’s going to fix her behavior.” ~ Ippus_21
“NTA. Your mom is likely trying to do her own version of exposure therapy for your daughter’s allergies.”
“If I was in your place, any time my mother had nuts around my kid, I would silently pack up and leave.
“Do you remember a post on here a few years back about a grandmother who had a similar approach to her granddaughter’s coconut oil allergy?”
“The grandma knew how severe it was and still put coconut oil in the girl’s hair when braiding it.”
“The granddaughter died in her sleep choking on her own vomit.”
“No amount of ‘I’m sorry’ will ever bring that baby back.”
“You need to approach this with a zero-tolerance rule.”
“If your mother cannot stay away from your daughter’s severe allergens in the presence of your daughter, then she doesn’t deserve to be near your daughter.”
“I would rather have an alive daughter that’s not close to grandma than a dead daughter from grandma’s lack of concern.” ~ aMars79
“NTA. This transcends normal rules of politeness or consideration for whose place it is.”
“This is about keeping your daughter from having to go to hospital. It is appropriate to be seriously upset about this, seeing as your mother can’t seem to get it through her head that this is real and serious.”
“Perhaps you making it serious for her in this way will get through to her.”
“The alternative is you coddling her feelings and her inevitably putting your daughter in the hospital.”
“Frankly, though, I think there are people who just have something wrong with them — they have subconsciously motivated compulsions or blind spots that can’t be fixed, and all you can do is guard yourself against them — even if they have no malice, they can still be dangerous.” ~ kurokomainu
“NTA. I don’t care if it’s in her own house, she’s willfully eating foods near YOUR 2.5-year-old BABY to which the child is allergic.”
“There is no excuse.”
“There is no justification.”
“Even if the allergy isn’t ‘that dangerous’ now, it could get worse, and it could get worse when Grandma decides that F***ING PEANUT BUTTER means more to her than her grandchild’s health and well-being, as well as her relationship with her own child (OP).”
“Is it OK for grandma to eat these things on her own?”
“Of course!”
“Does she then need to make sure she’s not endangering the life of a child by making sure she’s cleaned up before the child is present and not doing the exact things she’s been doing? Yes!”
“Grandma can either cut these foods out entirely, or she can eat them in a way that is as safe as can be made possible, or she should never see her grandchild in person ever.” ~ dplafoll
“NTA. This is so weird.”
‘Because it doesn’t even seem like your mom is one of those people who doesn’t believe in allergies.”
“It’s like she can’t help herself from trying to get away with it.”
“Or being told ‘no’ makes it irresistible to her.”
“I hope you reading her the riot act snaps her out of this bizarre behavior.” ~ IHaveBoxerDogs
“NAH. Given you’ve specified this reaction isn’t anaphylactic – you can’t really control what your mother eats/when she eats it.”
“HOWEVER, your mother should be putting more care into what she brings around your daughter.”
“It sounds like your daughter’s allergies are (correct me if I’m wrong) triggered if consumed/come into direct contact given your mother could eat the sandwich around her without it setting her off.”
“She definitely should be locking those items away while your daughter is directly present until she’s old enough to know better.” ~ Revolutionary_Bag518
“She bought peanut M&M’s to eat on a plane ride we all took together.”
“Just so you know even plain M&M carry a peanut allergy warning because they’re made in a facility that processes peanut products also.”
“Airplanes are never a place to assume allergens aren’t present, though.”
“Wipe down anywhere your daughter might touch, including the bathroom.”
“NTA, by the way.” ~ Somebody_81
“NTA. Not only does she eat what your daughter is allergic to so badly she ended up hospitalized before in her own home when you are over at hers, but also in your own home.”
“Harsh truth is: she doesn’t care.”
“If she did, she’d try to not eat nuts around your daughter as the rest of your family.”
“And the reason you yelled at her?”
“It was the straw that broke the camel’s back and probably the realization that she doesn’t care about your daughter or being a responsible grandma for her.”
“That hurts.” ~ Fragrant-Donut2871
“NTA. You’re protecting your child, who is not old enough to fully understand or control her allergy.”
“Even if your mom isn’t being passive-aggressive about the allergy, she’s showing that she can’t be bothered to make a minimal effort to protect your child.”
“If you went over to your mom’s and she’d left cleaning chemicals sitting out all over the house, you’d be upset too.”
“It’s the same thing.”
“She knows these things will harm your child, her grandchild.”
“She does it anyway.”
“At the very least, it’s completely thoughtless and rude.”
“At worst, it’s attempted murder.” ~ ca77ywumpus
“NTA. It’s time for a break from Grandma until she can get her sudden obsession with nuts, peanut butter, etc, under control.”
“Show her you’re serious.”
“Don’t tolerate it.”
“She can have these things when she’s not around your child.”
“I don’t get her logic.”
“My guess is she doesn’t take it seriously.” ~ Shakeit126
“NTA, but what is the allergy?”
“Airborne, contact, or ingestion?”
“My nephew is allergic to nuts but they’re not banned even in his own home.”
“His mom, an ER nurse, will still eat nuts because she knows what the allergy is and what to watch for.”
“In fact, when she wants to ensure that she gets a mom-only treat and doesn’t have to share with the kids, she will specifically get one with nuts.”
“They get a lot of treats shared, but it’s ok for moms to not always share, so this is the way she ensures she can have something for herself from time to time.” ~ Big-Imagination4377
“NTA, but seriously, your mom doesn’t care about your daughter dying/getting extremely sick and you believe she loves her?!”
“You call them ‘dumb decisions,’ but no one is that stupid.” ~ Different-Airline672
Reddit understands your response, OP.
Your mom is not being responsible.
Yes, she’s not being malicious, but her behavior is dangerous.
It may be time for a serious talk about boundaries.
Good luck.