Service dogs can be an essential part of a person's survival after experiencing trauma.
They are trained to do amazing things.
They're basically superheroes.
Not everybody understands this situation.
Too often, people make it a hassle for those with service dogs.
Redditor Fun_Wing_4399 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for deciding to deviate from my in-law's yearly family beach trip vacation plans?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I (29 F[emale]) have been married to my husband (29 M[ale]) for almost 3 years."
"We met in the Marine Corps."
"I know this is going to put up red flags for people, but we dated for over a year, had an amazing engagement, were both in our late 20s, and have had an amazing, supportive marriage."
"I was medically retired for several issues, including spinal disc degeneration, hip muscle tears, P[ost]-T[raumatic]-S[tress]-D[isorder], and, most relevant, brain tumors causing epilepsy."
"I have a lot of physical and mental therapy, doctors' appointments, and rehab, so I dont work."
"My husband and I spent less than $150 on a courthouse wedding because, in his words, 'I didn't ask you if you wanted to marry me eventually, I asked if you wanted to marry me.'"
"We spent my entire wedding fund from my parents to get a very modest house in his hometown."
"None of his 3 older siblings owns any property."
"I make enough money from my military disability to cover our house, escrow, bills, groceries, insurance, and still have some left over (I also plan on finishing my degree and becoming an actuary)."
"I was very careful to make sure our mortgage payment was less than 1/4 of my income."
"My husband works, but makes less than half of what I do."
"I have no issue with it; we are growing together."
"Unfortunately, his family is apparently under the impression that I am a burden who does nothing to help, not knowing I pay all the bills and am the only person on the mortgage."
"My husband's income is savings and fun money."
"So with that background knowledge, here is the current issue."
"I have a task-trained service dog for my epilepsy and mobility."
"He alerts me to seizures, puts me in the recovery position when people aren't around, can find help, get my meds, help me up inclines and stairs, and can even call E[mergency] M[edical] S[ervices] with a special button if needed."
"He's the only reason my husband feels comfortable leaving me alone."
"For some reason, even after seeing him alert me and ride in the ambulance with me to the ER, they keep calling him an emotional support animal and saying 'he doesn't have the temperament of a service animal' because he's 'sensitive,' which is his best quality."
"This year, they want to go on a beach trip to the East Coast near where we live."
"My M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] seemed super supportive at first and was looking up A[mericans] with D[isabilities] A[ct] laws."
"Then the tides turned."
"'It's not dog friendly,' ok well, he's allowed because he's medical equipment."
"It's on your B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw]'s Airbnb account."
"Ok, well ours has 5 stars for 28 stays, we can do it."
"'He can't be running around the beach.'"
"He won't."
"He will be in his vest, being calm and nonvisible."
"'If he can come, then your brother's dog can too", no he can't; he is not a service dog."
"So we decided 'F' this, we are going to use my C[redit] C[ard] points to stay at a resort that won't give us any flak for my MEDICAL EQUIPMENT."
"Now they are mad that we won't be contributing to the food fund from Costco or coming over for every meal."
"They are mad that we can't watch the kids."
"I feel like I am going insane."
"I'm not even sure we want to go at this point."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?""
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA, obviously."
"You have an ADA-compliant service dog."
"Your in-laws are being a**holes."
"That said, this is verging on a husband problem."
"He needs to be the one running interference here, not you."
"And anytime his family suggests you're not pulling your weight, he needs to nip it in the bud."
"Doesn't have to disclose details (your financial arrangements are your own business), but he does need to shut down talk about you being a drain." ~ BillieDusk
"Yes, NTA, and this is a husband problem now."
"They moved the goalposts five times, 'not dog friendly,' the Airbnb, 'he can't run around,' then 'well then my brother's dog too,' which proves the dog was NEVER the issue, they just don't want to accommodate YOU."
"A trained seizure alert dog is medical equipment, full stop." ~ Rick_McPherson
"NTA. As the great Inigo Montoya said (or would have said) .... Vacation.... You Keep Using That Word, I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means."
"A vacation is to get away from the everyday routine and find some rest, relaxation, and maybe some entertainment."
"This 'vacation' does not seem like it fits the definition." ~ catskilkid
"Your husband is an AH! While you paid for the home he lives in and all associated costs, he complained to his family about having to remind you to take your medications and that you need your day to flow routinely."
"He literally told them you were making his life difficult while sponging off you for everything."
"If they have a wrong-headed idea about who pays the bills, it's because he gave it to them."
"In this medical situation, he has yet to stand up for your need for the service dog."
"I doubt very much that he is going to set his mom straight."
"He's the one who got her started on not liking you. He sounds awful." ~ readergirl35
"NTA, and honestly, it's a little mad that you think you could be TA."
"Being able to BE SAFE WHEN HAVING A SEIZURE is more important than keeping the peace, and I feel like you know that."
"Also, there's no point to you contributing to food funds for when you're not there (were they planning on splitting that fairly or 'ensuring you're not going to take advantage' I wonder)."
"Also, even if you were staying, you'd have no obligation to watch the kids; it's your vacation too."
"There is an evil part of my brain that says to, every time MIL does bring up issues with the service animal, just look her in the eyes and say 'Oh, I don't want to die of a seizure, but thank you for the information' until she learns to shut the hell up about your service animal, but that would possibly cause more problems than it's worth." ~ tinycodingkitty
"NTA. It sounds like they wanted you both around to defray costs and provide childcare."
"You owe these people nothing."
"Do your own thing."
"Their vacation is their problem to figure out."
"That said, your husband needs to set the record straight with them and speak up about this, if he hasn't already."
"His family, his problem." ~ Datura_Rose
"NTA. You have a huge husband problem."
"It is his family and his job to manage."
"He needs to set healthy boundaries with his family and have your back!"
"It is unacceptable the way they talk to and about you."
"He needs to put an end to that immediately."
"If they continue, he needs to shut down the conversation, and you both leave or end the conversation!"
"Why aren't you like 'F' this, we aren't going???"
"They want you there for food money and babysitting."
"Hell no!"
"They are rude and disrespectful."
"Not ok."
"You should not be forced to spend time with them!" ~ 1RainbowUnicorn
"NTA. You have been made into his family's patsy."
"There is no situation you will come up with that will satisfy them, as their sport is making issues out of your behavior."
"Stay home = issues, stay with them = issues, stay somewhere else close by = issues."
"So do what makes you happy and damn the rest." ~ Longjumping_Win4291
"NTA and PLEASE take a solo trip with just your husband."
"You will most likely have a better time than being with a bunch of inconsiderate people."
"They sound exhausting!!"
"Live your best life and keep them at a distance."
"Good Luck" ~ Ok-Practice838
OP came back to chat...
"Thank you to everyone who made me feel like I wasn't being a crazy, entitled person."
"My husband had a talk with his mom."
"He yelled at her, she was not happy, and we went no contact until the 4th of July."
"That day, we were making carnitas tacos and asked if they wanted some as a peace offering."
"Halfway through the 4-hour slow roast, they started making steak and potatoes and disappeared to their bedroom before the carnitas were even done (don't worry, we shared it with friends and they loved it)."
"We went no contact again until she yelled at us for not consulting her about a plumber before we spent our own money to replumb our house."
"Same day, we sent a video of my service dog's new task, which is to open the fridge and grab me water."
"The only reply from anyone was 'kinda cool.'"
"We are no contact again for probably a long while, and going to plan our own vacation somewhere else."
"Oh, also, he got a big promotion and is very excited that he feels like he is contributing a lot more and closer to being a 'provider' in his words."
Reddit is 1000% with you, OP.
Your service dog is an essential part of your life.
It's great to hear that you have your husband's support.
Your in-laws have a lot to learn; starting with empathy.
Enjoy your vacations.
