Staying in a person’s home is a privilege.
And that privilege can often be abused.
That’s why people are weary of guests nowadays.
And just because one is family doesn’t mean it’s an all-access pass.
These situations can lead to some deep family drama.
Redditor Both_Staff_5410 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to let my estranged sister and her husband stay in mine and my husband’s vacation home?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Before we got married my husband used to live in a nice little house that he kept and added my name to the deed, and we use it as a vacation home now.”
“We only use it two or three times a year, and so we do sometimes let friends or family stay there for a few days or a week if they want to get away.”
“This has never been a problem for us.”
“But now we were asked to let my estranged sister and her husband stay and I said no.”
“My husband is in 100% agreement with me on that.”
“My sister and her husband are at this present time homeless.”
“They were renting for several years and in the same place a long time but got kicked out due to issues with their landlord and they’re in desperate need of a place to stay until they can find a more permanent place.”
“My sister and I were very close growing up.”
“My best friend for my entire childhood was a guy.”
“The guy who is now married to my sister for those who can probably guess.”
“I always had a huge crush on him and honestly I was in love with him by the time we were 20.”
“My sister also had a guy she liked but not super well.”
“When I was 20 we were all at a party and the guy my sister liked flirted with me.”
“My sister was pissed even though I didn’t flirt back and told him I wasn’t interested.”
“She told me we don’t do anything with guys the other liked. I agreed.”
“I never would have done that to her anyway.”
“A year or two later my relationship with my best friend changed.”
“He was flirting with me and I was flirting back.”
“He was more physically affectionate and he started kissing me and it felt like we were slowly becoming more than best friends.”
“Things were progressing like that and then suddenly I discovered that he and my sister were a couple and had started sleeping together.”
“He told me he wanted to keep his options open and my sister told me she really liked him and she wanted me to understand.”
“I called her a hypocrite for doing that when she turned on me for the guy she had liked flirting with me after I turned him down and then promising and making me promise we’d never do this to each other.”
“She told me it was different.”
“I told her I would never trust her or look at her the same way again.”
“They told me I didn’t own him.”
“I told him he was f**ked up for leading me on when he wanted my sister.”
“Our family took my side afterward, especially my other two siblings.”
“I haven’t seen or spoken to my sister or her husband since.”
“It’s our parents who helped set up the request for a place to stay.”
“And they were disappointed when I said no.”
“My other sister and brother are firmly on my side and they were disgusted my sister and her husband would even dare ask me.”
“My sister said at least I get to live out my dream because I’m married with kids and she can’t have any.”
“And the least I can do is put aside petty childhood drama to help them not be homeless.”
“My sister and her husband called me a bi**h for refusing and even my parents said I was going too far with the estrangement by refusing to help.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA but are you concerned that they might go to your cabin anyway? I would make sure to secure the property and locks.” ~ CombinationAny870
“You owe your sister a big thanks.”
“She got the guy and is now homeless.”
“You got a runner up and he gave you a holiday house.” ~ Rude_Egg_6204
“NTA. If your parents think your sister needs help so desperately, then why don’t they help her?”
“You have no obligation to help her.”
“If you budge, prepare for spending years trying to evict them and then having to redo the whole house, because they will definitely be horrible tenants.”
“So please, don’t budge.” ~ Individual_Complex_6
“Exactly what I thought.”
“They will be homeless due to ‘landlord issues’ which means they are being kicked out.”
“They will become squatters in your home.”
“Never let someone who is homeless due to irresponsibility (financial or otherwise) move in.”
“Never let someone who is jealous of what you have moved in.”
“She will take, take, take, and justify it in her mind thinking that the universe owes her. NTA.” ~ ilp456
“’Landlord issues’ is the biggest red flag.”
“Back when I was a young broke renter I had some horrible slumlords who I never wanted to cross paths with again.”
“Guess what, every single one of them tried to offer me a new rental in a different property when I wanted to move out. Why?”
“Because I’m the type of tenant every landlord wants, I paid my rent on time every time, paid all my bills, kept the property nice, and reported things that needed repair appropriately.
“If you have ‘landlord issues’ getting you kicked out of your home you are a nightmare tenant.” ~ Professional_Ruin953
“These people DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU at all.”
“Your ex-friend used you when he wanted, and abused you when you complained.”
“Your sister is hypocritical and selfish.”
“Now they want something from you, and you’re supposed to give them anything and everything?”
“No, sorry, it doesn’t work like that.”
“If you treat people like shi*, you get nothing from them ever again. NTA.” ~ starkcattiness4433
“NTA… she talks about setting childhood drama aside but isn’t even adult enough to reach out to you herself.”
“Letting family live in your property ‘temporarily’ is a recipe for disaster anyway.”
“They can solve their own housing problems.” ~ RoyallyOakie
“Don’t ya just love it when people say YOU are going too far, it’s family, blah blah… but THEY don’t step up to help because it might put them out.”
“Parents can help out, or why don’t parents ask the other siblings or hubby’s family.”
“People who have had issues with their landlord (for a long time) are NOT people you want in your home.”
“Stay firm NTA.” ~ KarBar1973
“NTA. ‘They called me a b**ch for refusing’ It’s amazing how they want you to set aside squabbles from the past as they continue to mistreat you.”
“I genuinely do not understand how she can even look at her husband, knowing he was flirting with and kissing you as a way to keep his options open.”
“That is, however, not your problem.”
“You were asked, you said no; they began insulting you.”
“I would send all their messages and everything to your parents and say ‘This treatment is unacceptable and I ask you to never request anything of me on behalf of my sister and her husband again.'” ~ canyonemoon
“NTA. Feelings about your sister and husband aside, I’d be hard-pressed to let anyone live in my home rent-free after they became homeless due to being kicked out by a landlord they’d had issues with for a long time.”
“That said, they never respected you so the odds are extremely high they will not respect your property either.” ~ keels81
“NTA – you understand that your sister did you a huge favor, right?”
“She married the cute loser and got stuck with a shi**y life.”
“You married well and have a great life, with a spare house!”
“Karma seems to have visited.”
“Definitely, do not let her stay in your vacation home.”
“Your parents can help her out since she’s their kid and they want to help.”
“They don’t get to volunteer your time and assets.”
“I understand the loss of love when someone is disloyal.”
“Dead to me is a real feeling.” ~ MyyWifeRocks
“NTA. Your sister can move in with her parents or her husband’s relatives.”
“Your parents and sister are darned audacious to try to badger you to give your sister use of property owned by your husband and you.”
“And it would be ‘give’ because once they moved in getting them out be challenging.”
“It always amazes me how generous someone can be with someone else’s money or property.” ~ NanaLeonie
“Don’t let anyone, let alone homeless estranged people, move into your house.”
“Or you may end up not having one at all.”
“Why would they have any respect for your house when clearly they have no respect for you?”
“NTA No, just no.” ~ nobody_not_knowing
“NTA. If it’s that urgent, your parents shall receive them, you got 0 obligations, to anyone, to be honest. Is your house, you decide who’s getting there, and seeing the past, they would make horrible tenants, so better not.”
“Also, they showed you what kind of people they are; don’t get fooled or give them the opportunity to show you that again.”
“To receive them who wants you to receive them… lol.” ~ misskeny
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
It’s your house, your rules.
Family doesn’t automatically mean they get a YES answer to everything.
And property issues can get tricky.
Good luck.