We've all had situations where we could use a little bit of help from our friends, perhaps to the point of sleeping on someone's couch.
But there have to be limits to how much of someone's help we're willing to accept before we start overstepping, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor MarinaGoldenHaze agreed to help her boyfriend's friend out when he was 'going through a lot' and was in between apartments, and she welcomed him to stay for two nights.
But when he stayed for three weeks and expressed no plans of leaving, the Original Poster (OP) knew that new boundaries needed to step up.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for being infuriated that my boyfriend's friend has been on our couch for three weeks after only asking for two nights?"
The OP agreed to host a friend on her couch when they were struggling.
"Three weeks ago, my boyfriend's (31 Male) friend, Tyler, asked if he could crash on our couch for 'two nights max.'"
"His lease ended early, and his new place wasn't ready."
"My boyfriend and I (29 Female) live in a small one-bedroom, but of course we said yes."
"I made up the couch and bought a second set of towels."
But the friend soon overstayed his welcome.
"It's now day 22. Three weeks later."
"His new place was apparently ready last Monday. I know because he mentioned it to my boyfriend while I was in the kitchen."
"He just hasn't 'gotten around' to moving."
"I work from home, and the living room is my office. I've been taking calls on the bedroom floor with my laptop on a laundry basket, because Tyler sleeps until 11:00 AM and games until 2:00 AM."
"He's polite, and he even did the dishes once."
"But it's our only room besides the bedroom."
The OP's boyfriend was not being helpful in the situation at all.
"Last week I asked my boyfriend, privately, if he could give Tyler a soft date. Like Sunday."
"He agreed, then never said anything to him."
"When I asked again, he said it would be awkward and that I should be more welcoming because Tyler 'is going through a lot.'"
"He's going through a lot... with a finished apartment ten minutes away. He can still visit whenever!"
"All I want is a date on the calendar. Am I overreacting?"
"I wanted to help for a couple of nights, but it has become difficult to feel comfortable or work properly in such a small space."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some did not find the friend to be "polite," especially if it meant the OP had to do more work around the house, too.
"'He even did the dishes once' ...in 22 days..."
"NOR at all. I think your boyfriend is also a problem, not gonna lie." - verliese
"How much of the household labor is OP covering for both these guys?"
"Tyler has no incentive to leave, and her boyfriend has his bro hanging with him."
"OP, time to draw your line (past time, really, hon)." - AuntieCrazy
"Girl, he is NOT polite. He is a lazy leech. A polite person would have moved out the second their new apartment was ready. Most of us here assume he's lying about that anyway." - Dr_Indigenius
"Do you cook for him? Clean up after him? Does he work at all? Does he pay to stay with you guys? Even if it's just groceries? This is much worse than interrupting your workspace in a tiny apartment, and that's enough of a reason on its own!" - verliese
"Polite would be doing chores and treating you guys to some meals to say thank you. It would also be getting his a** out of your workspace at the start of your work day."
"This guy may say polite things, but he has zero manners when it comes to behaving like a considerate house guest. Words are cheap." - FigNinja
"Dishes once in three weeks isn’t polite. I once stayed with my husbands sister (then boyfriend) for three months."
"My husband was there, his parents and brother were also staying there. I slept in his nephews room and the nephew slept in the niece’s room."
"Anyways, I did dishes everyday, I did laundry the specific way she liked it done, I cooked several times a week, I cleaned at least daily, and I babysat when they needed someone. That’s a polite house guest." - No_Grapefruit86
Others agreed and said that the OP had a bigger boyfriend problem than an overstaying guest problem.
"Your boyfriend won't handle this and his bro is literally sleeping in your work space?"
"Some boyfriend you got there... NOR." - ZookeepergameUpset62
"Your boyfriend sounds like a coward, and this would be a huge red flag for me if I were you."
"I'd forget about the friend and move myself out." - CommunicationNew9520
"Your boyfriend is an a**hole who doesn’t mind that you’re miserable because your home has been invaded by a mooch."
"It’s time to get real honest, real fast."
"If bromance crash pad living isn’t for you, you need to get the f**k out." - ShreddersWheat
"Her boyfriend likely knows he doesn’t have an apartment. OP needs to ask him for details. Because if boyfriend is lying to her, to cover for his friend, OP has a MUCH bigger problem."
"And if I'm right in that assumption, if I were the OP, I'd be moving myself out, and let them live laugh bromance while I enjoy single womanhood and can work anywhere I d**n well please." - OceanBreeze_123
"I personally, would not leave this up to the boyfriend. I'd wake up Tyler and say, 'Hey man, we care about you a lot so dont take this wrong but get out. Come for a visit any time you need company but also go home. I need my space.'"
"That's me, though. There is no way he would have been there more than the two days I agreed to. Going through a lot, whatever that means, is not an excuse to be a jerk and invade someone space. Especially if they work from home and you dont leave."
"He's being rude and you boyfriend needs to grow a pair. NOR." - Glum-Ad-2281
"OP, what kind of a job allows someone to sleep until 11:00 AM and play games until 2:00 AM?! Exactly when is Tyler working, OP?"
"My guess is that Tyler does not have a job, and there is no apartment awaiting him to move in. If there were such an apartment, then after 22 days of sleeping on a couch, he would have moved."
"He has no job and there is no apartment. You now have a permanent couch tenant living with you."
"Stop making it comfortable for him to lounge around and mooch off of you. Change your wifi password and stop supplying him with snacks, ie no chips, soda, treats."
"Wake him up when it is time for you to start your work day and announce to him that you are reclaiming your office and he needs to vacate every day by 8:00 AM and find somewhere else to be as you need privacy while you are working." - briomio
Some urged the OP to have a conversation with her boyfriend's friend since her boyfriend wasn't going to.
"You can put on your adult pants and have a conversation with him that leads to, 'Hey, you've overstayed you're welcome, I need my workspace back. You need to move into your own apartment today.'" - Original-Swordfish69
"Use your home how you want. Wake his a** up. Then tell him he needs to move out today. Don’t even worry about your boyfriend. He is absolutely useless and puts his friend over you in your own home. NOR." - LadyLu-ontheLake
"NOR. Just use the room. Wake him up in the morning, tell him that this is your office, and claim it back."
"Tell him you need your workplace to be quiet and that he needs to spend his time somewhere else, which should be no problem now that he has his own place." - Suspicious_Path_4430
"Girl, I mean this as nicely as possible. Stop being a doormat to these men. Stand up for yourself and give him a deadline yourself."
'I guarantee your boyfriend isn't really being negatively affected by his friends presence, otherwise he'd be a man and tell his friend to get out."
"Your boyfriend doesn't work from home, right? He's probably loving it that he gets to come home to his gf and hand out with his friend. Grow a spine and stop catering to these boys." - kturner965
"Don’t be a dumba**. Today is move-out day."
"I don't know why your boyfriend thinks moving into a place with a real bed is going to be some kind of hardship on the guy; this is ridiculous. You need to go out his s**t outside right now or this will turn into a legal tenancy. I honestly feel like your boyfriend told him he could move in..."
"Now, trying to be a kind human for a minute here: if he's really going through something and doesn't feel 'ready' to perform his move, he can AT LEAST settle into his new apartment and spread moving his stuff from his old place to his new place over a few days... and if he really needs y'all's support, he can visit... without ever setting that a** of his on your couch."
"He needs to get the f**k out, and he might need help. Both can be true, but you need your space back." - BoogieShoes112
"Nah, no deadline. We're past the point of deadlines."
"OP herself needs to move out and stay with a friend or a family member. Then she should tell her boyfriend, 'I will not be returning until your friend is 1000% moved out and settled into his new apartment.'"
"I give it a week, max, before he realizes how much of the weight you're pulling in that apartment. And if he really HASN'T moved out after a week, you need to find your own apartment or roommate, and dump your boyfriend." - BeautifulChaosEnergy
The subReddit was furious on the OP's behalf, specifically because her small home and workspace had been commandeered, and her boyfriend clearly wasn't going to do anything about it.
The OP either needed to have a tough conversation with her friend and set clear, reasonable boundaries, including a move-out date, or she needed to move out herself.
If she really mattered to her boyfriend, he'd do what he needed to do in order to get her to move back in, but otherwise, she'd be better off in her own living and workspace.
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