How would you handle a roommate making an extreme request of you? Especially if it’s something you really don’t want to do?
Redditor notatypicaltaurus asked the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit just that question. The original poster (OP) is having a disagreement with her roommate.
While OP feels justified saying no, her roommate is making her second guess her answer.
Which is why OP decided to ask:
“AITA if I don’t let my roommates dad sleep in my bed?”
Why would her roommate’s dad need to stay in her room?
“I (21f[emale]) live in a two bedroom, two bathroom apartment. My boyfriend (22m[ale]) shares my bedroom and bathroom with me.”
“My roommate (22f), let’s call her Mary, has her own bathroom and bedroom. We share a kitchen/common room. For context, Mary and i split the rent 50/50. Our names are both on the lease as it is university housing.”
“We are both university students. She is a senior and is graduating in 3 weeks. (I am a junior so I graduate next year, my boyfriend is a senior and is also graduating in three weeks at the same university).”
“Yesterday Mary texted me that her dad is flying out for graduation and she is looking for hotels but they’re too expensive so he needs to stay in my bedroom.”
“I was very confused and taken aback by this request because it seemed completely strange and inappropriate. I told her I (and my boyfriend) will be here and will be using the room (because we live here).”
“She said that we need to leave so that she can have the room for her dad. I asked if she could use my air mattress in either her room or in our common room that he could sleep on and she said no.”
“My boyfriend then told her that his friend has an extra twin bed in his room that he could use and she said no because she ‘needs to babysit him.’”
“She told me she has no choice but to ask me and my boyfriend to leave our apartment so her dad can have my room.”
“When I said my boyfriend and would be staying in MY room, she said I was being unreasonable because it’s her only graduation (this is not true, she’s going to medical school next year). It is also my boyfriend’s graduation so he obviously needs to stay as well.”
“She said she just started looking for hotels 3 weeks before graduation because she had been too busy to do it earlier.”
“Not only do I need my room, which I pay for, but I’m not comfortable with a man I’ve never met sleeping in my bed and staying in my room with my personal belongings without me being there.”
“AITA if I don’t let her use my room for her dad?”
Because of how she phrased it, some people need some clarification of the roommate situation.
“EDIT: My boyfriend, my roommate, and I split the common room costs and utilities 33,33,33. She pays the same for her room as I do for mine which is why I said 50/50.”
OP believes that because she pays for the room she shouldn’t have to leave. But she isn’t sure if she should have considered Mary’s request a little more.
Should OP have given up her room for a weekend?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for refusing her roommate’s request to give up her room for her roommate’s dad by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP shouldn’t feel guilty to keep her room. She pays rent, and her room is her room. She gets the final say who stays in it.
Additionally, while we’ve been using the word “request” throughout the article so far, the roommate was in actuality demanding OP give up her room. Not once did she actually ask.
That’s not to say that asking would have changed the outcome, but it’s still outrageous that Mary thought she could just order her roommate out of her room.
OP was voted NTA by the AITA Reddit board.
“NTA.”
“This is gross, creepy, and completely over the line. Her lack of planning is not your emergency, and the idea of a stranger sleeping in YOUR bed should rightly disgust you.”
“You need to put your foot down and make sure your landlord is aware of what Mary is asking in case she lets her dad in to take your bed when you aren’t home.” – NimbleJack3
“This is something I am concerned about, because her key is able to access my room even if I lock it. Thanks for the advice :)” – notatypicaltaurus (OP)
“NTA, it’s your room and your roommate is insane.”
“If he can’t sleep on an air mattress for whatever reason, she sleeps on the mattress and he sleeps in her bed. This is not difficult.” – Studoku
“Agreed. I’d also argue that it’s actually debatable whether or not roommate was out of line for not even asking if he could stay.”
“I mean, if I share a place with someone and I’m planning on having a guest, I’m clearing it with my roommate first. Doesn’t matter if the person is sleeping on the couch or in my room.”
“You clear it with your roommate before even inviting someone to stay.” – SigSauerPower320
“NTA. I’m not sure why your roommate believes she’s entitled to be able to kick someone out of a room that they pay for to make room for her father, but this is a life lesson that she’s gonna have to learn.”
“Tell her straight up that you will not be letting her father stay in your room and that she’s more than welcome to borrow your air mattress so they can bunk in her room together. She’ll just have to get over it.” – ShadowCoon
“NTA. It’s YOUR room. Why can’t she give up her room and sleep on the air mattress?”
“Even if this was her only graduation, it still doesn’t mean he gets to sleep in your room.”
“What a strange request. I would also feel super weird about someone else sleeping in my bed.” – Overthinker19950125
“NTA.”
“She has no claim to your room, as you pay rent for it to be your room. If her dad can’t afford a hotel and can’t sleep on HER bed (she can use the air mattress), that’s THEIR problem, not yours.”
“Their failure to plan for this event is NOT your problem to solve. Plus she didn’t even ask. She demanded.”
“Very entitled of her. Tell her to figure out another solution because you pay rent for your room, and it’s not up for negotiation, that she and her dad will have to figure out another solution.”
“She does not NEED to babysit her dad, and your bf offered her a perfectly reasonable solution if she doesn’t want to offer up her own bed or air mattress for her dad.”
“Tell her no, and if she argues, remind her that ‘no means no.’” – jammy913
Some of the commenters questioned if the dad was even aware of what was going on.
“NTA. It’s probably that her dad doesn’t know she shares a room with a dude and she wants you both to clear out.”
“It’s nuts that she thinks she can kick you out of the room you pay for. Where are you supposed to go? Is she going to pay for a non-existent hotel room for you?” – cassowary32
“Agree. Or she already told the dad he could stay there and she knows he gets really mad when she lies, which probably happens often.” – BitcoinMD
“NTA”
“Are you sure it is really her dad?”
“Talk to the landlord/ uni. Explain what is happening. What she is trying to do is completely inappropriate and gross.” – Hesthea
“Anybody else weirded out that the dad didn’t decline sleeping in a unknown juniors room, let alone bed? I’m not a mom or a dad, but if I were invited to a graduation and was inclined to sleep over I would no questions asked refuse to sleep in a private juniors room whether I new the junior or not.”
“I would suffer for a night and just sleep on the couch or air mattress or whatever but I would not be invading the privacy of a junior at all. Hell, if nothing else I’d just sleep in the car provided I had one.”
“NTA guard your personal private space and see if you can take precautions to make sure nobody enters uninvited!” – AreYouFcknKiddingMe
“How do we know dad was brought into the conversation?” – skankboy
“I don’t think we’ll ever know, but if I were invited somewhere and expected to sleep over I’d want to know where I was going to sleep. Especially when the sleep over address was a student building thing.”
“I’m going on a limb here and presume the father knew his daughter lived in a 2 bedroom house with a room/house mate?” – AreYouFcknKiddingMe
There isn’t anything here for OP to be ashamed about. Her roommate is telling her to do something really unreasonable.
She needs to establish ground rules and boundaries with Mary and figure out how to solve this problem.