Everybody needs a vacation now and again.
Vacations can be rejuvenating and life-affirming.
But some vacations can be a problem.
Like family vacations, family vacations can be traumatic.
Redditor Ill_Remove_9909 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for ‘spoiling’ a family trip because I’m unwilling to sleep on a blow-up mattress for 2 weeks?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Where do I even begin?”
“My brother, S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw], and 18-month-old niece live out of the country, so it’s a big deal for them to finally come for a visit and rare that we all get to be together.”
“My parents and S[ignificant] O[ther] live on the West Coast, and I live on the East Coast.”
“Anyway, we’re all planning on meeting for two weeks at my grandpa’s (RIP) old lake house, which we grew up visiting.”
“It’s a super tiny lodge, maybe 1000 sqft MAX, so surprriiissee there is only 2 bedrooms.”
“Being the youngest, I have been automatically delegated to the living room.”
“Sleeping in there with all the cousins was fine when I was 14 but I am nearly 30 now and that damn pull out couch is 20 years older than me.”
“Keep in mind that my fiancèe is coming AND meeting the family for the first time.”
“I think she deserves to be comfortable and have some sense of privacy in a new environment.”
“I have now mentioned to everyone several times that I won’t be sleeping there, which has been seemingly ignored and unsupported.”
“As the youngest sibling I am not new to getting last pick but it pisses me off that this is extended into adulthood and being pushed onto my fiancèe.”
“Making it increasingly complicated is that the nearest Airbnb (option 1) is a 25-minute drive and $ 2000 USD for 5 nights.”
“And the only RV to rent (option 2) within a 2-hour pickup is also close to $ 2000 USD.”
“All the nearby motels are booked up.”
“The fact that we might not have wanted to sleep in the living room for 2 weeks was never really considered by anyone else.”
“My SO and I having to front this additional cost is hurtful enough, let alone the rest of the family not caring or even acknowledging that we just want to have a room/decent bed.”
“The best they have done to help resolve is help us get a tent and blow mattress for outside.”
“I have decided that I will go by myself and sleep in the living room for ~4 nights as that is the max amount of bad sleep I think I can handle.”
“This solution apparently is ‘ruining the trip for everyone’ and making it all about me.”
“EDIT: The toddler is also sleeping in the living room because the 2nd bedroom has no extra space.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I think OP and his fiancèe should go for 1 week.”
“Let the relatives have the room for the first week, then OP and his fiancèe drive up and get the bedroom for the second week, and the relatives stay in the living room.”
“If they won’t agree to that, they are ruining the vacation, not OP. NTA.” ~ vegasbywayofLA
“The parents of the toddler need to sleep with their kid, and if the living room is the only place with enough space, then they need to sleep there.”
“This sounds like the vacation from hell, and OP would be fully justified to completely dip out.”
“Let the grandparents bond with the grandkid and catch up with everyone some other time.”
“This is not the way to introduce your family to your fiancée.” ~ Rude_Vermicelli2268
“Yeah, up until that part, I was thinking that it is tricky because it makes sense for the family to get a room and for the parents to get a room, but this info changes it completely.”
“I also find it super weird of the parents to want their child to sleep alone in a room with people she doesn’t really know.”
“My toddler would immediately cry if she woke up and two people who are not super close were there instead of us.”
“Also, I would feel uncomfortable letting my child sleep in the same room as someone I don’t know (OP’s partner) without my husband or me being there.” ~ Informal_Buffalo2032
“I cannot imagine how there is no room for the toddler in the parents’ bedroom.”
“I have a 6×9 room in my flat — it’s tiny.”
“There is a double bed and still room for a pack ‘n play.”
“Yeah, it would be tight and annoying, but it would be doable.”
“Having the family in the bedroom makes sense, assuming they keep the child with them.”
“Then you can maybe figure out a more comfortable option for the living room, like a new sofa bed, etc.” ~ nastyleak
“Yeah, this is the thing.”
“I got a vacation paid for by a wife who wanted to surprise a close friend of mine for his birthday.”
“My G[irl]F[riend] was invited, and we got our own room in a private, multi-room residence right down the road from the wife/friend’s home.”
“What the wife did not tell us is that they were bringing their four children (ages 3, 5, 5, and 7) to stay in the place.”
“By the time we got there and learned about the arrangement, we felt hornswaggled.”
“It was NOT a vacation.”
“I had to take off work and blow my P[ersonal] T[ime] O[ff] for a year to be woken up EVERY morning before sunrise by screaming children.”
“Had I known about the slobbering alarm clocks, I would have sent him a nice card. NTA.” ~ JiminyCricketMobile
“NTA. If the toddler is sleeping in the living room, so should their parents.” ~ SL8Rgirl
“Those are my thoughts exactly.”
“If OP doesn’t go on the trip, and no one is sleeping in the living room, it’s not even safe for the toddler to be alone and out of sight or hearing of the parents.”
“If OP does go, the early morning parenting falls on someone who isn’t the parent, effectively ruining OP’s vacation.” ~ Organized_Khaos
“NTA. I wouldn’t even go, it sounds miserable.”
“If it’s not that big of a deal for you to sleep on the couch, why doesn’t someone else offer to switch their bedroom for your couch?”
“If you really wanted to make it work, afw.com has a few sleeper sofas that you could deliver to the cabin.”
“$600 bucks for a sleeper sofa might make things better.” ~ rsherman247
“If the couple with the baby can’t sleep with the baby in the bedroom, so the baby has to sleep in the living room, it seems to make more sense that the whole family set up in the space that can accommodate them.”
“Why should you be automatically selected to the public sleeping space you’re sharing with someone else’s baby? NTA.” ~ sun_and_stars8
“Legit. Lounge rooms are normally open plan to front doors, fireplaces, bathrooms, and kitchens, all of which are likely NOT child proofed because it isn’t a parent’s home.”
“I wouldn’t let my toddler sleep in that sort of space out of my watchful eye.”
“I absolutely would not have the audacity to put that responsibility on my sister or brother-in-law either.”
“What a wild request.” ~ sweetparamour79
“NTA. The family has outgrown the lake house.”
“It’s nice and all for those who still get their choice of bed, but it’s super selfish of them to expect everyone to cope with bunking up in totally unsuitable conditions.”
“That’s also really unwelcoming to your fiancé, and they need to wake up and see that.”
“I wouldn’t go at all.” ~ wotsname123
“So true, and agree.”
“I’ve been lucky in that we’d figure out a secondary location for those who can’t have beds in this situation.”
“It’s not that hard.”
“If no one is paying for the stay at Grandpa’s, it’s not hard to figure something out and have everyone split it.”
“It’s the only fair way.”
“Brother and S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] stay with the parents so they can be with the kids, and OP and fiancé get separate space to go back to each day for their own privacy.”
“It’s actually what I prefer as someone diagnosed with A[utism] D[eficit] H[yperactivity] D[isorder] and has sensory overload issues very easily.” ~ TheDarkHelmet1985
“NTA. Why can’t you rotate so you’re not the only one going sleep-deprived?!”
“It’s the only fair thing. If your family doesn’t agree, don’t go.”
“Dude, definitely don’t go if they refuse to compromise.” ~ AlannaAdvice
“NTA. 2 weeks is way too long.”
“The only solution your family is offering is for you to shut up and just accept this miserable situation.” ~ UteLawyer
“NTA. You aren’t obligated to suffer discomfort for 2 weeks because of someone else’s tantrum.”
“Anyone saying it ruins the whole vacation is either being overdramatic or places way too much emotional investment in your being there for 14 days.”
“I’d cut the whole visit short, too.”
“That many people in that little space for 2 weeks sounds like a cruel experiment.”
“Anyone complaining about you only being there for 4 days can give their opinion on whether not showing at all is better.” ~ verminiusrex
“NTA, people will tend to treat you the way they did when they had the most power over you.” ~ yellowfin88
“NTA at all.”
“Your family is cheap AHs for not choosing accommodation based on everyone’s needs and for expecting the same person to always receive the bad deal purely based on the order of birth, even as children.”
“It was unfair of you to have to always be the one at a disadvantage.”
“Your partner is new to the family, and deserves privacy to be able to decompress and have time just the both of you, and it’s also ridiculous that your sibling won’t have their own kid in a room with you, and expects you and a partner they have never met to carry out childcare duties at night time, and expose their kid to people they barely even know.”
“You have a right to your boundaries, particularly if you are spending time and money to have a family trip together.”
“Either your parents need to find a more suitable location for your trip (whereby there are private bedrooms for all involved), or they need to invest money into extending the current property to adapt to the growing generations and therefore build more bedrooms (and possibly even more bathrooms) on the property.”
“It’s a family heirloom, so to speak, and if the family keeps using it, then they need it to be appropriate for everyone’s enjoyment.” ~ majesticjewnicorn
“This! I actually find it so odd that the sibling and their partner are willing to have their toddler sleep in the same room as OP’s partner.”
“That’s an uncomfortable situation for the child, too, who presumably doesn’t know this person yet.”
“Absolutely wild set-up!” ~ junglemice
“NTA. The parents of the toddler need to be sleeping in the same room as their toddler.”
“You are not the babysitter.”
“What happens when the toddler wakes up in the middle of the night?”
“Are you expected to look after her?”
“I honestly wouldn’t be going at all.” ~ Mishy162
“Very well said!”
“Imagine meeting your fiancée’s entire family for the first time.”
“You’re already nervous.”
“Then discover your space will be in a public area with no privacy or personal place to wind down!”
“Add to that you’re sharing the space with a toddler?”
“Naw, OP’s family IS cheap indeed, not to mention rude and horrible hosts.”
“This is unacceptable.” ~ world_war_me
“NTA. That’s a terrible vacation idea.”
“Your compromise is fine.”
“I get why they want to visit the lake house for nostalgic reasons.”
“But the house is barely fit for four adults, let alone six adults and one toddler.”
“If you cave and do the full two weeks with your fiancée in a tent/living room, you will be expected to do this vacation forever.”
“Trust me. I have lived this.”
“It’s better to disabuse them of the notion now.”
“I am also intrigued by this 18-month-old who is apparently going to sleep in the living room of a house she’s never been in, in a new country.”
“Quite an exceptional toddler, I’d say.”
“You’re probably going to end up bunking with your brother in the living room while your SIL and niece sleep in the bedroom.” ~ Ok-Air-6616
“NTA. I wouldn’t go at all.”
“Their toddler should be in bed with them.”
“Or they should be in the living room with the toddler.”
“You’re not a night nanny, but they’re definitely trying to make you be one.”
“If you do go, whenever the toddler gets fussy or wakes up at night.”
“You bang on that bedroom door till they answer, ‘Your kid is crying, you need to wake up and parent.'”
“But really. Don’t go.” ~ ritan7471
Reddit has your back, OP.
You’re not a kid anymore.
You deserve to sleep in comfort.
It’s sad that your family chooses not to be understanding.
You do what’s best for you.
Good luck.