Working for a small, family-owned business can be fraught with issues not found in other business arrangements. Especially if you're not a member of the family.
A bookkeeper turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback on a proposed "Would I Be The AssHole" (WIBTAH) solution for their problems with training their boss's wife.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
AcanthaceaeLeast3993 asked:
"WIBTAH for telling my boss his wife cannot be taught to do my job?
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (63, female) have been employed at a small business for 5 1/2 years. We are a painting contractor. The owner is present, his oldest son is the estimator, middle son is field supervisor, and youngest son a worker."
"Business cash flow has just this year been super tight due to mostly large contracts and less smaller projects to fill in the holes (my opinion). I am the office manager/bookkeeper."
"I have been a bookkeeper for 30 years, having had an engineering firm with my husband for 20 years. I do everything, payroll, accounts payable (A/P), accounts receivable (A/R), insurance, etc..."
"To save the company $, I volunteered to cut from full-time to part-time hours. I know I can do the job in half the time."
"It works for me because in August, I want to stay home days to take care of my new grandson. I plan on being in the office 1 day/week, working weekends and some evenings."
"Problem: My boss brought his wife (58, female) in to learn how to 'cover for me' when I'm not in. After 12 weeks, she still cannot be trusted to do payroll correctly, she doesn't understand how to pay bills (A/P) or bill customers (A/R)."
"I am SO stressed, fixing her mistakes and checking everything she did while I was out. I even have a 'How To' book, but she is still not getting it."
"She is a very nice lady, and we get along really well. Two weeks ago, I sat her down to talk about her doing just the daily things she was good at and leaving the rest to me, but she said she has to know everything if she is going to get the company's financial situation rectified."
"She questions everything, including if Quickbooks is right! She's good at saving a dime. I'm going to talk to the boss about my concerns."
"AITA telling him his wife cannot be taught?"
The OP
"I asked them outright if they are phasing me out, and they said they need me. I have started collecting Social Security (mine), but I'm a widow and can switch to my husband's anytime (2× more than me) and be fine financially. I would like the part-time gig, but I'm getting so stressed out now."
"I really don't believe they see me as 'the Problem'."
"I see the problem as the boss spending WAY too much money on the company credit card for personal things, Costco, car parts, miscellaneous stuff I don't see receipts for. (But they didn't ask me)."
"Senior employees have company credit cards and I have seen no abuse on that end, but she went there 1st until she saw it wasn't an issue.
"Now she's on to the estimator (her stepson) not bidding correctly and changing how he operates. He's in a worse position than me! They think he isn't properly accounting for overhead in his quotes and that Quickbooks isn't giving them an accurate picture of job profitability because it wasn't set up right in the 1st place."
"They got a new accountant, who told them all their benefits they have lost by not taking advantage of loopholes to compensate themselves."
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was
"Do not use those words to your boss about his wife in a mostly family-run business."
"Based on her comment to you, it sounds like she at least thinks that she is going to find some mistake that is going to make a happy ending with her as the hero."
"Tell your boss you have reservations on if she is ready to work on her own, but leave it at that and if she pushes back, silently step back and let her fly or fall. Just make sure you CYA."
"Make a list or table of all routine tasks and the date or time it is due and have a spot for you and her to initial when you complete the task, possibly with a field for notes. That way, if things are messed up there is a log showing who did it." ~ Ok_Reach_6527
"The log is an excellent idea and could be explained as coordination to ensure nothing slips day to day between the two worker roles."
"Instead of sharing about the wife’s performance, I would share with the boss that you have a manual, the to do list/check list as mentioned and that you have guided the wife through daily tasks."
"I work in IT so I would also be sure that the business has some kind of disaster recovery system. Many people back up to a cloud but I would also possibly want a set of backups created after the end of the month."
"If she messes things up too bad, you could recover back to when you last balanced the books and processed payroll. Plus this is a good idea anyway in case you have a natural disaster."
"If she drops too many transactions, it is better to possibly roll back (restore) rather than try and catch missing data well after the fact." ~ Gallogator1
"NTA, particularly because they’re likely wanting her to be your replacement to let you go and save another dime." ~ weddingplanacct
"The way my eyebrows rose when I read this part: 'she said she has to know everything if she is going to get the company's financial situation rectified...'."
"OP has a quarter of a century of experience by now and 5+ years of loyalty to this family business, and her thanks is that this untrainable dolt is going to supposedly 'rectify' the work OP has been doing for the better half of a decade? What an insult."
"I fear this conversation isn't going to go the way OP expects. I'm wondering if it would make sense for OP to talk to one or more of the sons first?" ~ Stormtomcat
"I hate to tell you this, but they could very well be looking to replace you with the wife."
"I would go to the boss and explain, but in the meantime, work on your resume. If they're having that much financial trouble, they probably just can't afford you."
"If they're having that much trouble, and their main option if dealing with all this is to employ family that aren't qualified. This company probably isn't a place to invest your future into." ~ MedievalDragonLady
"I think you need to let the job go. It just seems like one day a week of work isn’t worth all this stress."
"Perhaps if you want to keep up your skills and like working, you could put your shingle out as an independent accountant picking up a few clients who need accounting help—especially in your (our) age bracket."
"Or, since you don’t need the money, you could find a nonprofit in an area that you’re passionate about and volunteer to do bookkeeping for them. There’s a freedom that comes with being a volunteer that an employee just doesn’t have." ~ Brave_Engineering133
"Girl get out! Let them fix their own sinking ship and enjoy your grandchild." ~ girl_whocan
"Ma'am, they are lying. If they can reasonably get away with the wife doing the job, in a few months you'll be let go. I would say now is the time to go job hunting, or if you want, volunteer at some library or charity of your choice. If money is not an issue you can help out some struggling organization with your experience." ~ definitelynotjava
"Let her mess stuff up. Stop fixing things behind her. Otherwise, she'll never know she's incompetent and no one else will believe you. But they're 100% looking to get rid of you and you cleaning up after her is just going to speed up your pink slip." ~ MMohawMais
"Sure, they currently need you. They expect that will change. Anyone who would do this, let you train your replacement without telling you she's your replacement, will lie about it. They are already lying by omission." ~ galliumsilver
"Yeah, they need you…..to train your replacement. I’ll bet the transition from FT to PT solidified it for them. They believe if that’s possible then you’re not doing all that much actually. Plus like….the whole family is already working there. Of course, they’re gonna try and stick Mom in an office role." ~ WhatToDo_WhatToDo2
"Well, I worked for a small company which, with my help, grew into a group of companies—5 companies, including an office supplies store with, by then, 5 branches. The owner valued my input and we had a great working relationship."
"While I was there, the company grew 100-fold in 10 years."
"Well, he married and brought the wife. Suddenly, we would agree on something in a meeting, and by the morning, he had 'changed his opinion' to that of his wife."
"After she started messing with my compensation, I decided to move on."
"Well, 20-something years later, all the companies except the office supplies stores closed, and even those are struggling. After I left, there weren't any more new branches opened."
"Moral of the story, no matter how incompetent the wife is, you won't win. She is probably very competent in areas you can't compete and don't want to compete in." ~ rarsamx
OP probably needs to let this job go. They're unlikely to convince their boss that his wife isn't competent.
