Roommates often seem like a great idea.
That’s because, in this day and age, roommates tend to be a necessity in order to save money.
But not every roommate idea is a good one.
Some of the most stressful can be rooming with family.
Case in point…
Redditor LetsTryRedditAgain wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for slowly throwing away all of my sister’s belongings?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Ok so after I (28 M[ale]) got kicked out of my apartment and I needed a new place to stay.”
“My sister (24 F[emale]) is living at her friend’s house and says they are cool with me crashing for the summer.”
“I only need about three months anyways.”
“When I show up the place is a MESS and even worse the room I was supposed to take is a dumping ground for my sister’s stuff.”
“The kitchen is cluttered and disgusting.”
“The bathroom is cluttered, moldy, and stinky.”
“I decided to stay anyways because hey free rent.”
“Over the course of the past month, I have been cleaning and decluttering everywhere I could.”
“I can’t believe her friend puts up with her actually.”
“I can she is also responsible for the mess.”
“I have thrown away countless cups, plates, canned food, candy, pasta, coffee, tea, hair accessories, cheap rings, sandals, Tupperware, trash, clothes, hats, countless socks, etc.”
“I know it sounds like this stuff could have been donated but all of her clutter comes from cheap dollar stores.”
“They both love having me as a roommate because they think I am handy. I am.”
“Slowly my sister has been noticing her stuff missing.”
“She has questioned me and even called me asking if I have seen her shoes or whatever.”
“I just deny seeing it and say I only throw away expired food, duplicates, or broken stuff.”
“I am able to get away with throwing stuff out because I only do it on trash day. lol.”
“Yesterday I messed up though because I forgot it wasn’t trash day.”
“I had filled the trashcan with a bunch of my sister’s clothes and I was too lazy to take the trash out.”
“She rarely uses the kitchen trashcan anyways since she doesn’t clean up after herself.”
“I was wrong and she noticed.”
“I came home to an emptied-out kitchen trashcan in the middle of the kitchen and she demanded I explain myself.”
“I simply said that I had a ‘trash box’ and a ‘good box’ and that I emptied out the wrong box while I was decluttering the laundry room.”
“She didn’t buy it.”
“I am doing her a favor and her friend a favor but they just don’t see it.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. How would you like it if somebody else threw away YOUR stuff?”
“Just because they happen to think it is not usable?”
“If your sister is noticing, that means you are throwing away things she was ready to use.” ~ Unusual-Hat-6819
“If your sister is noticing, that means you are throwing away things she was ready to use.”
“I mean, not necessarily?”
“My great-grandma had a TERRIBLE hoarding problem.”
“She had things piled up in every room of her tiny little house dating back to the 1960s, but if you so much as moved something to get through a room, she would notice even if she hadn’t touched the thing in years.”
“Hoarders are just like that.”
“OP is still YTA, but not because ‘his sister was going to use that.'”
“He’s TA because that’s not how you deal with a hoarding situation and he may have inadvertently just made things worse.” ~ Pantherdraws
“OP is the AH because he was OVERSTEPPING his boundaries – clutter doesn’t always equal hoarding – but this is not for anyone here to judge at all.”
“If her roommate didn’t have a problem with it, then end of the story stay out of their business.”
“How does throwing away clothes, rings, and sandals even sound reasonable to anyone?” ~ No_Independence9170
“You must be throwing my things out of here…”
“Said the hoarder to the thief…”
“There’s too much confusion…”
“I can’t get no relief!”
“YTA though. OP is a thief and not helping the way he thinks he’s helping.”
“Love how OP is 28, has no job and no place to stay, and yet sister is the one with the problem.” ~ ErikLovemonger
“YTA. And a liar!”
“Okay, the place is messy.”
“But you don’t know what is important to your sister and what is not.”
“I can understand throwing out expired food. But not objects.”
“Instead you took it upon yourself to clear out stuff you didn’t consider important without taking your sister’s feelings into consideration.”
“Even worse, you lied about it!”
“Your sister noticed things missing.”
“That was the time to come clean.”
“Instead you denied even seeing the things that you were busily throwing away.”
“It wasn’t your place to do that.”
“You weren’t doing anyone a ‘favor.'”
“You were being a bit of a bully.”
“Admit what you did to your sister. Apologize.”
“Offer to replace items you’ve thrown out.”
“Say that when you clean in the future, you’ll put items in a box for her to sort through later.”
“And do her a favor by moving out as soon as you can.”
“You don’t sound very trustworthy.” ~ stroppo
“YTA. You’re literally throwing away her belongings because… you felt like it?”
“Can’t be bothered to ask where they go?”
“I understand wanting to live in a clean environment, but you don’t get to actually dispose of someone’s shoes/clothes/jewelry, etc.”
“You cling there for FREE- the amount of entitlement here is mind-blowing.” ~ SpicyTurtle38
“YTA. Come on, you know you’re the a**hole.”
“I get where you are coming from in wanting to clean and declutter, but you are obviously throwing away things she uses.”
“This also isn’t going to teach her how to not be messy or over-collect.”
“It’s just going to reinforce her behavior.” ~ XxQueenOfSwordsXx
“YTA. It’s one thing to throw away cheap items, out-of-date foods, and junk.”
“It’s another to throw out someone’s clothes that, apparently, are wearable.”
“I get it, they may be old and dirty.”
“But it’s not as if they couldn’t be washed and reused.” ~ Individual_Ad_9213
“YTA. You’ve been staying there rent-free, and you repay them by throwing out her stuff?”
“You’re not a good roommate, you’re not ‘handy.'”
“You’re absolutely the AH.”
“Don’t throw out other people’s things.” ~ Swirlyflurry
“All of this!”
“Also to add, based on some of OP’s comments, it’s not OP’s decision to make that his sister has too much stuff or won’t miss it since she’s just now noticing stuff is gone so it’s ok to throw it away.”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s not OP’s call.”
“It’s not his belongings! YTA OP.” ~ Pixiedust027
“Okay trash is trash, I understand that, but on the other hand you shouldn’t throw away things that are not yours.”
“That’s a no-no.”
“They let you live there for free and then you took their stuff and threw it away.”
“That’s bad. YTA.” ~ Coryonline
“YTA Wow. They let you move in FOR FREE when you were homeless.”
“And you treat their home as if nothing is of value.”
“Just because YOU don’t care, that doesn’t erase other people’s feelings about their home and belongings.”
“You are a liar, a thief, and a gaslighting bully to the people who lifted you up. For shame.” ~ curious382
“YTA. She is doing you a favor and it’s great that you’re cleaning but, dude, these are possessions they own and you are a guest.”
“As long as you’re throwing it away, make a pile of clothes and personal items and at least you’ve tidied up and they can choose to get their stuff or leave it in that pile.”
“I mean ‘hey free rent’ shouldn’t cost sister and roommate their belonging just because you want to dictate the conditions of your free stay.” ~ catskilkid
“YTA some of that was reasonable – her clothes and stuff are not.”
“Stealing someone’s things isn’t a favor.”
“She did you a favor though by asking this friend if you could stay there… and you respond by being disrespectful.” ~ joeswastedtime
“Jeez, instead of robbing your sister and lying about it, you could have spent that time job-hunting.”
“She helped you; you would have been homeless if it weren’t for her.”
“And you responded by robbing her.”
“You could have at least set her clothes and shoes aside in bags rather than throw them out altogether.”
“She should throw YOU out. YTA.” ~ ComprehensiveBand586
OP came back with a few edits…
“Okay, people I am the a**hole.”
“After reading many comments and arguing with y’all I see it now.”
“I still need time to think about what to do next but I for sure need to apologize and offer to replace everything.”
“What I have learned: I was essentially stealing.”
“They didn’t ask for my help.”
“My actions make hoarding worse (not sure if it’s full-on hoarding but I am not helping).”
“They are doing me a massive favor, not the other way around and I am a guest.”
“The detail I left out: I have no job.”
“I got kicked out of the last apartment because the landlord wanted her daughter to move in closer to her.”
“I am sleeping on the couch because that’s the only space available at the moment.”
Well, OP, Reddit doesn’t appear to be on the same page as you.
You’re a guest.
Probably best to be on your best behavior.
From your later edits, it sounds like you understand.
Hopefully, you can all move forward.