Flying is not for everybody.
A lot of nervous flyers have prescriptions or mantras that keep them calm.
One very effective tool is a flying buddy or loved one who can talk a person through the moment.
But even those people have their limits.
A deleted Redditor wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for ignoring my husband during our flight when he expressed anxiety over flying?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 33 F[emale] recently married my husband 30 M[ale] and we took a 3-hour flight to Mexico for our honeymoon.”
“I fly a lot for my job, so I have racked up a lot of miles.”
“My husband isn’t a big fan of flying, though he has gotten better and tends to just hold my hand and close his eyes during take-off and landing (mostly okay when in the air).”
“When I booked our flights I requested to use my points if an upgrade to business class became available.”
“But made it clear I only wanted this upgrade if two seats became available and then basically forgot about it.”
“Then comes the day of our flight.”
“I was so excited for this trip, I checked us in online, and all was going well, and then when we went to board the person scanning out boarding passes stopped us.”
“She says it seems that my husband was upgraded to business class, but ONLY him and asks if that is okay.”
“I immediately say no, we are on our honeymoon and would like to stay together.”
“But then my husband jumps in and says, ‘No it’s fine, I’ll go to business class!'”
“I look at him in complete shock and he tells me that I fly all the time and have been in business class before, but he hasn’t.”
“So he deserves a chance to experience it.”
“I see we are holding up the line, so I feel like I just need to agree and get on the plane.”
“To say I am pissed off is an understatement.”
“He is all smiles, taking his seat and I go back to my seat where they sit me next to an old woman with a baby on her lap where my husband should be sitting.”
“Within maybe 5-10 minutes of sitting there, trying to hold back tears because my husband left me alone on our flight during our honeymoon (and uses MY points for his upgrade, no less), he starts to text me saying he feels anxiety over flying.”
“I ignore the texts and stop looking at my phone.”
“Within maybe an hour after we are in the air, he comes to the back of the plane to find me, offers me half of his business class breakfast, and asks me why I was ignoring him.”
“That he was scared and needed me to tell him it’d be okay since I am such an experienced flyer.”
“I told him maybe he should have thought about that before leaving me alone before our honeymoon even really began.”
“He gets angry and tells me that this may be the only time he gets to fly business class, and he was giving me half his breakfast to make up for it.”
“So I could at least be supportive of his genuine fear.”
“I roll my eyes, sarcastically say ‘Thanks’ and he goes back up to his seat.”
“When we landed, I tried to move on and forget about it so that we could enjoy our honeymoon.”
“But he guilt-tripped me about not comforting him via text before take-off and now I am wondering if I am being unreasonable and should have just let him enjoy his time in business class and ensure him it’d be okay.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Your husband is upset that you were not considerate of his feelings, but he also doesn’t think he has to be considerate of yours.”
“I live by the rule that if you want people to love and care for you, don’t purposefully make it harder for them to do so.”
“That means don’t test people’s love, don’t play hard to get, don’t be an a**hole, and if the specific need you have is comfort for fear of flying, don’t piss the person off and banish them to economy class while you suffer in business class.”
“Seriously, you have every right to be mad, and I honestly think your husband knows that and is trying to pretend this is your fault, or else he isn’t the brightest bulb. NTA.” ~ ExemplaryVeggietable
“I would complain to the company that your points were removed.”
“You didn’t get the upgrade.”
“Tell them what you were advised by the booking agent and that you had not agreed to your points being used.”
“Your husband is a jerk for ditching you and then expecting you to still be his support.”
“He wanted to be alone, so he gets to cope alone.” ~ Jacce76
“A lot of airlines have been holding back on upgrading frequent fliers lately the explanation is that we know what business class is like already.”
“By giving an upgrade to someone who always flies economy, the thought is that they might get a taste for upgrading.”
“As to what happened here, OP is NTA at all.”
“Husband should have absolutely declined the upgrade to sit with his wife on THEIR HONEYMOON!”
“Honestly OP, I’d have been tempted to sleep on a couch or fold out the whole trip-leaving husband with his upgraded bed. Alone.” ~ HRProf2020
“OP, the title made me think this was gonna be a bad thing… but the only AH is your husband, NOT you!”
“I am terrified of heights (I had a bad accident years ago that has stuck with me, so I get fear), but I would never use MY fear as a way to control someone else or guilt someone else.”
“I would also never steal my partner’s points for anything (unless it’s fuel points….gas is waaaaay too expensive! lol).”
“I would’ve told you that could go if you want, because, in my opinion, I’d want to make your flight as best as possible for you… but I’m the type of guy who can put headphones on and ignore everything.”
“NTA. Don’t let him guilt you.”
“If this was the flight TO the honeymoon, I can’t help but wonder: how much more will he do crap like this to make you feel bad to get his way?” ~ NeartAgusOnoir
“NTA. Your husband made a really questionable decision and he was essentially having to live with the consequence of the decision.”
“He jumped at the chance to sit – alone – in biz class and I guess it didn’t occur to him how evidently very reliant he is on you during flying.”
“Regardless of his phobia, he’s a grown man, and it seems like he made it through takeoff just fine if he was asking your help when he’d already been served food.”
“It’s like he was using his need for you as a weapon, to make you feel obligated to forgive him for making a pretty shi**y choice given that it was your honeymoon.” ~ owls_and_cardinals
“100% I HATE flying and, if with my partner, can chat through take off.”
“For that reason alone, I’d never leave them behind.”
“And of course, cos it’s a shi**y thing to do anyway!”
“That said, I do, and have, flown alone many times as I like traveling.”
“However, my mindset then is very different from when I’ve got company.”
“If my brain has planned for company, no way I’m flying solo!!”
“OP’s hubby is an AH.”
“Made a selfish choice and is now trying to weasel his way out of the consequences.” ~ Fabulous_Cow_4550
“Not to be harsh, but I think that’s still a him thing.”
“I grew up poor, and without wanting to sound disgustingly self-righteous, I’d like to think if it taught me anything other than how sh*t wealth inequality is, it’s that there are more important things than stuff like flying business class.”
“The anxiety about having a well-paying job I can empathize with, but this particular situation he was being a peanut.”
“(You’re NTA).” ~ Tatterjacket
“NTA – this is hilarious because this exact same thing happened to my husband and I on our honeymoon.”
“We argued about who should take it (both insisting the OTHER person should take it) and then eventually decided on trading seats halfway through the flight.”
“It was great.”
“We both got to enjoy first class, and then we had a fantastic honeymoon.”
“I also have anxiety flying, texted my husband about it from first class, and he talked me down.”
“You guys don’t really seem like you’re in a partnership at all.” ~ goodytwotoes
“NTA. It was selfish and childish of your husband to take the business class seat when you made it clear you wanted to sit together, it’s your honeymoon after all.”
“It’s even more childish of him to need you to virtually hold his hand during the flight – if he needed that reassurance, he could have sat with you!” ~ coffeemom23
OP came back to answer a few questions…
“We have flown together three times in the past (Florida, Vegas, and Europe) and made a deal to alternate if one of us had a middle seat.”
“I think the flight was overbooked, and they just upgraded a random person in a middle seat to business so they could fit more people in economy.”
“I have a status that allows me to use 500 points to upgrade if the seats are available.”
“Usually I don’t bother putting myself on the upgrade list, but the agent I spoke to on the phone said she could ensure we’d be upgraded as a couple or not at all.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. Those were your points.
And it does feel a little odd that he wouldn’t want to sit next to you on your honeymoon.
Hopefully, you two can get past this.