No one wants to be told that they're holding someone else back. We want to be involved in people's successes, not their demise.
And it's a hurtful enough concept that cutting contact with the person we might be holding back can be easier than keeping them in our life, empathized the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
After his girlfriend broke up with him via text, stating that he was holding her back, Redditor Commercial-Yak-3422 decided it was best to block her number and move on.
But when she later accused him of never caring about her at all and not trying to stay in her life, the Original Poster (OP) questioned if he was somehow wrong for taking her text message at face value.
He asked the sub:
"AITAH for blocking my ex when she broke up with me?"
The OP's long-time recently broke up with him via text message.
"My (19 Male) ex-girlfriend (20 Female) of three years broke up with me Sunday night over text."
"She told me that she felt like my lack of ambition was holding her back, and she needed to move on with her life because she felt like I didn't value her."
"When she sent me that, I just sent back, 'Okay,' blocked her number, and fell asleep shortly after."
The OP's ex-girlfriend involved themselves in the breakup the next day.
"I did not block her friends and had loads of messages yesterday morning when I woke up. They were asking me to unblock her and to talk to her."
"My sister (20 Female) is also friends with my ex-girlfriend. She told me that my ex was hurt by my sudden block and that she still wanted to talk to me for closure and wanted to make sure I was okay."
"I told my sister that I was okay and that I didn't want to talk to my ex but would like it if she could tell her I appreciate her checking on me."
"My sister was not happy with this and told me that it was a hard decision for my ex, and she just wanted to talk to me."
"I again told her I was fine and that I'd rather not."
"My sister then told me that I'm acting 'insanely calm' for being broken up with someone I was with for three years. I again told her I was fine."
"She asked me if I cried and I told her that I didn't and I just fell asleep listening to music."
"My sister told me that she was concerned about my 'lack of emotion' and told me that my behavior wasn't normal. I told her that I'm not obligated to cry over anything and I think it's weird that she was acting like I was."
The OP decided he'd had enough of the conversation with his sister.
"My sister once again told me that it wouldn't hurt to have one conversation with my ex because she was still 'worried' about me and wanted to stay friends."
"I once again told her that I was fine and didn't want to talk to her."
"She told me that my lack of compassion was 'psychotic.' That p**sed me off, so I just started ignoring her, and she eventually left me alone."
Then, the OP's parents got involved, too.
"This morning, when I woke up, my sister sent me a bunch of text messages again, so I just blocked her. Because of this, she went and told our parents."
"They were upset with me for blocking my ex without communicating first. They said that we've been together long enough and they thought of her as a second daughter."
"I was just aggravated at this point and told them that I'd appreciate it if they minded their business, but they didn't stop, so I told them that I wouldn't hesitate to block them too if they continued, which caused them to stop."
"They apologized to me and told me that they didn't mean any harm but just felt like it was a little 'inconsiderate' of me to block her without talking about it first, but they won't press me to talk to her if I don't want too."
"AITAH?"
In a second post, the OP clarified a few points about the relationship and his sister.
"After all of this happened, my ex showed up at my parents' house during Easter with my sister."
"My parents and I weren't even made aware that she was coming. She told us that she only came because she had no other way to communicate with me."
"She told me that she was extremely hurt by me blocking her right off the bat because it made her feel like I actually didn't care about her at all. She said she thought that I would have loved her enough to try and better myself for her."
"I was confused by this, to be honest. I told her that she said I was holding her back, and she needed to move on."
"If anyone told me that I was holding them back in life, I probably would've blocked them too. I told her that even if she didn't say that, I still wouldn't have begged her to stay."
"We kind of talked a little more after that, and then she got my sister to take her back home."
The OP's sister continued to insert herself into the situation.
"When my sister came back, she was mad at me again because she said that I caused my ex to cry and I was simply punishing her for caring about me."
"My parents are mad at my sister, though, because they said it was unnecessary of her to do that at their house because it made the atmosphere awkward for everyone."
"Other than that, I've just been chilling. I don't think I'm going to try to date anybody else soon, though, or at least not someone my sister is friends with because it makes me uncomfortable with how much she's invested in my life."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that his ex-girlfriend got exactly what she asked for.
"This girl overplayed her hand. What she THOUGHT was that OP would beg her to stay and ask what he could change about himself to improve. Instead, OP was like, 'Cool, peace out.'" - Dewhickey76
"NTA, she broke up with you, and she has no reasonable way to expect that you would continue to follow her around like a lost puppy."
"Showing up at your parents' house to talk to you after you blocked her is stalker behavior, so she made herself cry when it didn't turn out like she wanted." - BeautifulPhantom1
"I absolutely hate the manipulative behavior that some people exhibit. I guess she broke up with you and thought you would be devastated and do anything to get her back, but you just moved on and she freaked out."
"Your sister has no business in your business, either. Maybe go lower contact with your sister and no contact with your ex unless you actually want her back."
"I personally HATE game playing and would dump anyone who tries to do it." - RevealActive4557
"Yeah, you have no reason at all to not block her. If she really broke up with you in an attempt to get you to level up for her, that is absolutely moronic. I wonder what dumb-a** other woman in her life told her that this was a good idea. She 100% did not get that advice from a man because any man would have told her that that idea was idi*tic."
"We should all be going full no contact after a breakup. Also, why the h**l would you try to convince someone who has already decided that they don't want you anymore to stay with you? Who the h**l would want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with them? That sounds like a nightmare relationship." - -THE-UNKN0WN-
"NTA. If someone you've been dating for years breaks up with you over text, they don't deserve any more of your time, let alone ambushing you for the worst Easter basket surprise of all time. Like, she ended it, she doesn't get to demand closure."
"Good on you for taking a much-needed self-care break, especially from your sister's friends!" - letsrockhoundroll
Others agreed and pointed out the sister was acting like this directly impacted her.
"This is madness. Also, your ex broke up with you; not your sister. Your parents are rightfully so for being annoyed with your sister."
"Your sister is making this about her. She has main character energy." - SometimesOKmaybe
"She actually thought it was appropriate to come to your folks' place to confront you about not chasing after her during Easter? She's certainly a special kind of something."
"As for your sister, tell the busybody to date her if she wants to be that far up her business, but you don't need the dog and pony show anymore." - Electronic_Goose3894
"She deserves exactly what's happened. If there is something that needs to change, you talk like an adult to your partner and see if you can come to a good compromise. If you can, that's awesome. If you can't, it's a shame, but you aren't compatible."
"OP's ex-girlfriend played stupid games and won stupid prizes, and the OP's sister is way out of line for encouraging this kind of behavior. Saying OP needs to accommodate this kind of ridiculous behavior." - GeneralStorm
"Where does your sister get off trying to tell you how to act and feel? You were the one who got dropped over text, and they still managed to make you the bad guy? Don't unblock your ex, either, don't fall for her silly games." - Unable-Selection-746
"Well OP seems that your sister doesn't respect your boundaries and your decisions just because your ex was one of her friends. If it was another person, she would not say a thing."
"She's also made this whole mess bigger than it should have been."
"Now about your ex, if she was so concerned about you and wanted for you to fight for her, then at least she would have taken the considerations of breaking up with you and explained herself in person, face to face, and not through a message. That is very immature."
"Also, she clearly told you about her feeling that you are holding her back. Well, if that is the case, the OKAY you sent was perfectly fine because you understood that for her, you were a ballast, and any person would do the same by saying Okay and blocking this person to stop being a ballast to them, so they can set free, but it seems that she didn't know what she wanted."
"In the end, you did well, and now you know that your sister will always choose her friend's side before you and that tells you a LOT." - FlygonosK
This situation was as straightforward for the rest of the subReddit as it was for the OP. Since his ex-girlfriend said she wanted to break up, and her boyfriend was holding her back, it made sense for her boyfriend to make a clean break and exit her life.
If exiting her life wasn't what the OP's ex-girlfriend wanted, she should have either asked for something else or had a more involved conversation with the OP, preferably not over a text message.
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.