Not all childhoods are idyllic.
In fact, some upbringings are downright awful.
And those memories can carry a lot of trauma and scars.
It’s especially arduous when people are not seeing the past through the same lens.
Redditor ReadyButton550 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my sister I’m so f**king tired of her taking from me and acting like it’s what I was born for?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I technically was… born for her to take from.”
“I’m a savior sibling, and that was the only reason my parents had a second child.”
“They were one and done with my sister but when she was 2 she got sick and so they had me to save her.”
“Growing up I felt every bit of the lack of interest my parents had in me.”
“I knew before I hit middle school that my parents had me for one reason only.”
“Yet I saw them adore and spoil my sister and make sure she had everything.”
“I grew up watching her grow up with devoted parents while I had none.”
“Because of the way we were raised my sister and I were never close.”
“She was used to getting what she wanted and being spoiled.”
“I was forgotten until she needed something like blood.”
“If I ever happened to have something she wanted, you bet my parents let her have it and they had no time for me complaining about it.”
“They had no time for me period.”
“I’m sure on some level they were grateful that I had fulfilled my purpose.”
“But nobody will ever convince me that they love me.”
“Now we’re both in our 20s, and my sister has tried to have a relationship.”
“But it’s still a lot of her wanting her way and for me to pay for her but she gets to choose where we go and what we do.”
“I’m expected to give her food off my plate.”
“She ignores me when I bring up how our childhood wasn’t perfect like she talks about.”
“She brings up how I wasn’t present for stuff and, in the same sentence, will talk about it being the best day.”
“Eventually, I stopped saying yes, or if I did, I refused to pay and refused to go along with what she wanted, and we saw each other far less.”
“I also heard from her far less.”
“Which to me said she didn’t really want a sister she just wanted the person she was used to getting whatever from.”
“A couple of weeks ago, she showed up at my house (where I live with friends and our partners), told me she needed a place to stay, and attempted to invite herself in.”
“She looked rough, so I told her she could get some food and something to drink, but she needed to stay somewhere else.”
“I suggested she call our parents.”
“She didn’t want to go anywhere else and was trying to befriend my boyfriend and the other partners (since she knew my friends didn’t like her).”
“I made it very clear and insisted she figure something else out.”
“She told me I should be more willing to help her out, and why do I never want to do anything for her.”
“I snapped at her, saying that, and told her I was so tired of her taking from me and acting like it’s what I was born to do.”
“I told her our parents might have had me for that reason, but I’m more than that, and I never had a say in any of that, and if she wants to talk about things not being fair, then she should think more on that.”
“She had a very explosive reaction and left.”
“She said afterward I suck for blaming her for our parent’s actions.”
“It just frustrated me because she doesn’t acknowledge her own actions in that.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, not even a little bit.”
“If you haven’t already, you might want to consider some personal therapy.”
“What your parents did to you, the way they treat you, it is not normal.”
“I bet you have a lot more trauma you haven’t begun to process yet.”
“I am so sorry you lived that life.”
“That is twisted.”
“Build your own family.”
“I am the black sheep. I made my own group of friends who, over time, became my brothers and sisters.”
“You can do the same.” ~ emptynest_nana
“Call whatever hospital is known for doing transplants in your area and ask to speak with the medical social worker.”
“They will know therapists to refer you to.”
“They have lots of experience with the mental and emotional toll on families with chronic medical issues as well as family, sibling, parent donors.”
“Explain your situation, and I’m sure they can give you 3-4 names in your community.” ~ Best_Faithlessness_6
“She might have a point if she still wasn’t trying to use you for the purpose for which your parents intended every time she shows up.”
“NTA. Please follow all the excellent suggestions you are getting here.” ~ Curious-One4595
“NTA. I’m genuinely sorry that your parents treated you like spare parts and that they taught your sister to do the same.”
“I would go N[o] C[ontact] with all of them.”
“I doubt their behavior will ever change, and you don’t owe any of them anything.” ~ BoundPrincess84
“NTA. You weren’t blaming her for your parents’ actions; you were blaming her for her own actions.”
“She’s spoiled and used to getting her way.”
“The golden child can go stay with her parents.” ~ Creepy_Addict
“Yes, at this point, OP has given her sis enough opportunities to show some sort of change and remorse for how OP was treated, and she hasn’t.”
“Instead she has continued to treat OP like a resource instead of a sister or even a human.”
“I hope OP gets some therapy and cuts out her sister.” ~ haidimill
“NTA. You wouldn’t be obligated to house a sibling under normal circumstances.”
“The general rule is that you have to be invited in to be invited in.”
“You are worth so much more than being a blood bank.”
“You deserve to have your own life and your own friends.” ~ Petefriend86
“Heh, yes, but not in this case.”
“I know it’s a tautology, but it stands that showing up at my doorstep doesn’t mean I have room for you.”
“In OP’s case, the roommates would have to be consulted before allowing anyone to stay over, regardless of how much of a drowned rat they appear.”
“Most houses either have children, roommates, landlords… you know, other people or agreements.” ~ Petefriend86
“NTA. I agree with what you said.”
“OP should have been seen as a blessing, not spare parts.”
“She was born as a whole person while also being able to save her sister.”
“She deserved to be cherished, but since her family is not capable, she should go live her own life without worrying about the asshole sister and parents.” ~ Falafel80
“NTA. What your parents did was sick.”
“I honestly can’t even fathom it.”
“Your sister will eventually realize, probably when it’s far far too late.” ~ northerntropicaz
“NTA. No matter what your parents did or didn’t do, she’s responsible for her own actions.”
“After growing up, she had the opportunity to help change the dynamics you both grew up with or show you some level of gratitude for all you gave her, growing up, even if it wasn’t your choice.”
“Instead, she chose to continue the status quo and that is on her and her alone.” ~ mooglemethis
“Initial reaction: What in the ‘Flowers in the Attic’ dysfunctional family trauma did I just read?!”
“You are so very NTA that it creates a vacuum drawing in other NTAs in a sort of protective halo.”
“I don’t know what they took from your body (besides your blood, which was already weird based on how ungrateful they were), but you deserved safety and a real life, not just some kind of ‘spare tire’ kid they resented having to feed.”
“Please, please, please know: You don’t owe those people anything, not even ‘being grateful for being born’; you didn’t ask for any of that.”
“Go and live the best life you can.”
“Try to work through your inevitable people-pleasing tendencies with a skilled therapist.”
“I hope you find peace and happiness, as far away from your family as humanly possible.”
“Surround yourself with people who see your worth and value your presence: You deserve to be appreciated.” ~ CaligoAccedito
“Nah, dude. Throw the whole family away.”
“MAYBE you can still have a relationship with your sister if she ever does get a hard life boot to the head and changes her ways.”
“But your parents?”
“Nursing home. Cheap one.” ~ YogurtclosetRight107
“NTA and I know it’s not an easy task but I would cut contact with parents, sister, and anyone who supports this abusive nonsense.”
“Ice the cake with a cease and desist order for all of them.”
“It seems as if you’ve already created a chosen family that loves and supports you, enjoy those people instead.” ~ Winter_Raisin_591
“Nope. NTA.”
“I am assuming you’re an adult now.”
“I hope you’re not going to continue to supply spare parts to her anymore.”
“You are important. You are valuable.”
“And you don’t need her to exist for you to value yourself.”
“If she needs anything more, tell her to contact your parents.”
“I would seriously consider going no contact if I were you.” ~ GaidinDaishan
“NTA… just walk away.”
“She brings nothing to your life but pain.”
“If you engage with her in the future the pain will be all your fault.” ~ IntroductionHot8049
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. It’s awful that you have to go through this.
We’re proud of you for standing up for yourself and your bodily autonomy.
Prioritize yourself first and always.
Good luck.