While cooking dinner for the family is a great way of getting everyone to spend some quality time together, it can also pose several challenges.
For one thing, cooking a meal that you know everyone will like is never a guarantee.
Even more challenging, though, is cooking a meal you know everyone but one person will enjoy.
Redditor justalilcuckoobanana enjoyed cooking dinner for her family, even on a tight budget.
Unfortunately, one member of the original poster (OP)'s family was not such a fan of her cooking.
When this family member asked the OP to make some adjustments to her dishes, the OP refused.
After being called "cruel" for doing this, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole Here" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for telling my 'picky' Brother-in-law [BIL] that I won’t change how I cook to accommodate him?"
The OP explained why she refused to accommodate her BIL's picky eating habits:
"I (24 F[emale]) live in a home with my kids, my partner, my sister + her partner, and a couple of other family members."
"My family (partner, kids, my dad and I) are living here while renovations are being done on our home."
"My sister (26 F) is living here with her partner (24 M[ale]) while they get back on their feet (as they were struggling monetarily when they moved back to our home state)."
"It’s a mess, I hope I explained well enough."
"I cook."
"A lot."
"Just about every meal, when I’m around, is homemade."
"Both because I love cooking, and because going to a restaurant for the amount of people we have here would cost way too much."
"Recently, like almost anyone else has experienced, money has been tighter."
"Meat prices are getting crazy, prices in general are tbh."
"Most of the people in my house believe meat needs to be in every meal, so I haven’t cut it out of the meals I’ve made entirely."
"But I’ve been trying to stretch the meat we have, so we don’t need a lot to feed everyone."
"How have I done that?"
"Beans and lentils.I’ve been adding beans into recipes (like making sesame chicken with ground chicken, adding some white kidney beans in) to make it so we all can get full without spending a fortune on meat."
"I’ll make butter chicken but add some beans."
"Making curry and adding beans."
"Stuff like that.It’s a cheap way to make a meal more filling, and they’re good for you."
"Win / win!"
"The meals I’ve been making taste good."
"Everyone in the house has liked them."
"Besides one person."
"My sister’s partner."
"He hates beans."
"He has a lot of foods he just will not eat; chicken on the bone is a no, mashed potatoes is a no."
"The list goes on and on."
"So when I make a meal with any of the things he doesn’t like."
"He doesn’t eat; instead they go get fast food, or he eats something random in the house."
"Whatever, y’know?"
"Not everyone will like everything."
"I can’t really afford to stick to the foods he loves, and making main courses that are entirely meat."
"I feel bad he doesn’t like the stuff I make but I get it!"
"The two of them (my sister and her partner) make a lot more money than my partner does (I’m a stay-at-home-mom) so I figured, If they don’t like the food I make, they can get their own."
"No hard feelings."
"All was good, I thought."
"But then I got told that I was being 'cruel' for not accommodating them more."
"That me making foods that I know he won’t eat is crappy, and that I should really start making food I know he will eat too."
"I responded saying that they could either help with paying for the extra meat + such we would need to 'accommodate' his preferences, or they could make / buy their own food."
"If neither of those options sounded good, they could just deal with it."
"My partner and I can’t really afford to add a bunch of extra meat and such into the meals we make."
"If this were a case of an allergy or something involving ARFID, I would feel worse about saying what I did (I have allergies and diagnosed ARFID myself, so I am empathetic)."
"But this isn’t that."
"He says he’s 'just picky' and doesn’t like a lot of foods."
"I’m now being given the cold shoulder by them."
"My partner is on my side fully, and so are the other adults in the house."
"But I’m left questioning if I am being a jerk here, or unreasonable."
"Technically, I could make meals that he likes; the portions for everyone just wouldn’t be as large as they are right now (and my partner and I would be struggling a little more)."
"AITAH or being a jerk in any way here?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly stood by the OP for refusing to accommodate her BIL.
Everyone agreed that the OP's BIL was treating her like a servant, especially considering he was more secure financially than she was, and if he didn't like what she was cooking, he could fend for himself:
"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute?"
"Your sister & BIL aren't contributing any money at all toward groceries?"
"And you're wondering if you're the a**hole?"- TararaBoomDA
"NTA."
"BIL needs to grow up and realize he needs to pay his weight."- maybemaybenot2023
"NTA."
"As another person who also hates beans, I don't expect to be accommodated."
"If I don't like the food made, I'll just make something else, or contribute by buying groceries that everyone would eat in the household, that way everyone can enjoy the same meal."- Dragon_Tiger752
"'Beggars can't be choosers'."
"Do not, I repeat, do not listen or cater to BIL."
"Anyone who cooks for me gets a load of gratitude, and many, many thank yous."
"BIL is an entitled, spoiled child."
"How about THEY cook?"- Prize-Chocolate998
"He can learn to cook the things he’ll eat, and shop for them himself."
"Problem solved."- PomegranateZanzibar
"NTA."
"This is a him problem."
"They can kick in for groceries if they want."- Sweaty-Ruin5381
"NTA."
"If it were me they would be out."
"You don't get to 'give me the cold shoulder' while you're mooching off of me in my house."- tommy946
"NTA."
"He’s a man-child and your sister is enabling it."
"I’d stop cooking for them."- rokkuo
"Wait… are you PAYING for the groceries for their meals which you COOK FOR THEM and they’re COMPLAINING about the free meal?!?"
"NTA."- SILLYxPROGRAM
"Why don’t you just enjoy the cold shoulder?"
"What conversation do they have to contribute?"
"Cats?"
"Anime?"
"How do they live rent-free and sponge off others?"
"Enjoy the silence."- Particular-Sand-137
"Clarification, they moved in with you guys right?"
"They are not contributing to groceries?"
"Are they contributing anything besides complaints and higher utility bills, to the household?"- that_one_wierd_guy
"I’m actually really mad at you for feeling bad."
"I just read that they don’t pay for any of the food."
"So they make more than your husband, you are a SAHM and you buy the food and cook for the ENTIRE house and they have the audacity to complain!?!?"
"STOP feeling bad, that’s yucky, and you are being taken advantage of."
"The options you gave them to either pitch in for food or go get their own are both completely reasonable."
"You are NTAH and stop being a doormat girl, they will just leech off of you as long as you let them."- MIforestWitch
"NTA."
"Your BIIL sounds really immature."
"It is one thing to have preferences, but it is another to just expect someone to accommodate it."
"He could pay for it, but he won't."
"Also he needs to understand that money is tight for you right now, and that you just can't do it."
"You are right that prices have skyrocketed, and you can't afford to please everyone."- Clean_Midnight_3379
"NTA."
"Let them give you the cold shoulder."
"It isn't a punishment to not be spoken to by an idiot."
"And for what it's worth, my 14yo is a picky eater."
"If she doesn't like what I've made, she is welcome to make her own meal."
"She gets it, and sometimes does just that. Makes her own meal."
"You're not gonna tell me a 14yo can figure that out but a grown man can't."
"Let him have his tantrum."
"He can either fix up and eat, or he can make his own, or they can stop eating your food entirely and fend for themselves."
"What they don't get to do is throw a wobbly and expect you to turn into their personal chef."- Panaccolade
The fact that so many members of the OP's family live under one roof would indicate that, deep down, they are supportive of one another.
That being said, the OP's BIL demanding she cater to his specific needs and tastes is anything but supportive.
Something he should be much more cognizant of, considering the only reason he's living in the same house is to get back on his feet financially.
He's not alone in not being a fan of beans, but no one is stopping him from getting food he prefers in the meantime.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Cancel Date After He Makes Too Many Sexual Comments