Husband Refuses To Leave Work To Rescue Wife After She Ran Out Of Gas 'In The Middle Of Nowhere'

Part of growing into adulthood is developing problem solving skills. Anyone without them becomes a burden on the people in their lives.

A husband turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after his wife got mad he didn't leave work to rescue her.

GoldSea3219 asked:

"AITA For not leaving work to help my wife when she ran out of gas?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"My wife (38, female) and I (41, male) have been married for 11 years and have 2 kids (9 & 7). I work full-time and she works part-time while also doing online classes to finish her degree (she dropped out of college after 2 years and wants to finish)."

"She has ADHD and anxiety and, if I'm being honest, sometimes it feels like our entire lives revolve around her symptoms."

"She's on medication for her mental health issues. She used to do online therapy, but stopped because she couldn't find a therapist that she likes."

"We used to be in couples therapy as well, but she refused to keep going after our therapist told her that her mental health issues weren't mine to solve."

"Last Friday, my wife didn't have to work and decided to go visit her sister who lives in a small town about 45-minutes away. She didn't tell me she was going, so I was very surprised when she called me shortly after noon."

"If I'm going to be driving 45-minutes out of town for any reason, I'm going to give my wife a heads up about it. If' I'm running to the grocery store, probably not. But heading out of town for a few hours? Almost definitely."

"She was obviously upset when I answered and between sobs I was able to make out that there was an issue with the car. I believe the first question I asked was 'Are you OK?'. Quickly followed by 'Where exactly are you?'."

"You know, trying to get information so that I could help as best I could. Eventually, she calmed down and told me that she ran out of gas 'in the middle of nowhere' and didn't know what to do."

"Because she hadn't told me she was visiting her sister, I was very confused and had a lot of questions which only made her more upset. I was getting frustrated too, so I finally just asked her what she wanted me to do."

"She told me she needed me to come help her. I told her I was at work and had meetings in the afternoon that I couldn't skip."

"I suggested she call her sister, but she went to work after my wife visited and my wife didn't want to bother her. I suggested she call AAA to come help, but she said she didn't know how to do that."

"I know my wife has her AAA card in her wallet because I put it there last fall when we got new cards. I couldn't call because I didn’t know where she was. I haven't had to use AAA in a long time but I'm pretty sure you need to know where to have them send someone."

"I suggested she call an Uber, but she was in the middle of nowhere and didn't show any cars available. I suggested she call a friend or someone else that might be able to help and she yelled at me to 'Just come f*cking help her'."

"I tried to remain calm and reiterated that I am sorry she's in this position, but at this moment I am unable to help her. I told her I had offered numerous suggestions that she could try to help herself, but I can't leave work."

"She then hung up on me. My first meeting of the afternoon was starting in 5 minutes, so I tried calling her back and she didn't answer."

"I kept trying to text her during my meeting too, but she never responded. I tried calling again between my meetings and still no answer. Which I admit pissed me off because even if I was trying to come help, at that point I couldn't reach her."

"She is the one who picks up our kids from school, so I was kind of freaking out at this point because I was completely in the dark about whether I would need to get them or if my wife was OK. So, I called the school and asked them to please let me know if my wife comes to get the kids because I can't reach her."

"I didn't include any details about why. The school called me back at pick-up time and told me that my wife was there for pickup."

"When I got home at the end of the day, my wife refused to talk to me. She gave me the cold shoulder the entire weekend."

"I apologized for not being able to help multiple times. Finally, this morning she spoke to me but all she said was 'I can't count on you anymore'."

"Did I really mess up that bad? Am I the jerk for this?"

The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.

"My wife ran out of gas last Friday and I was unable to leave work to come help her. She ended up making it home in time to pick up our kids from school."

"But now she wont' speak to me. I still have no idea how she actually got home. I think I might be an ahole for not leaving work to help my wife when she ran out of gas."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - more information needed

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"Your wife is mad at you because she wouldn’t do the bare minimum to solve her own problem. How did she not realize gas was low?"

"If she can’t tell you where she is, how can she expect you to be able to help? If she can figure out how to call you, she can figure out how to call AAA."

"I wouldn’t enable this behavior. Your comment about living around her symptoms is telling. I’m gonna venture this isn’t the first time." ~ ProfitLoud

"100% NTA. Everyone in my family is autistic, ADHD, or both. I also deal with anxiety. There’s no excuse to not be able to call AAA when your membership is active and you have the card with you. I am pretty sure my 11-year-old could do it." ~ midcen-mod1018

"'Couldn't find a therapist she likes' means she didn't find one who coddled her. Therapy isn't a yes man who validates your irresponsibility."

"They should provide constructive ways to work through your issues so you come out healthier and more positive on the other side, not tell you you're helpless and it's everyone else's job to take care you." ~ Lilac48

"Not getting help because of what the therapist said is a big deal. Perhaps ask her if she prefers you be her caregiver rather than a PARTNER."

"I would also counter her ‘I can’t count on you’ comment with the fact that you can’t count on HER to obtain basic life skills to support a simple visit to her sister and let you be at work and not worry about the kids." ~ Solid_Hamster_7301

"OP I think you’re gonna have to give her some tough love. Stop enabling her helplessness. She’s sabotaging herself because you (and others) rush in to help her when she asks (or demands) you to."

"So she takes the easy way out, which is: put things in the too-hard basket and throw the basket at someone else. Let’s imagine she was all on her own in this world and had nobody else to rely on, she would have absolutely no choice but to face her problems head on and work on herself."

"For anxiety and ADHD, medication can be a helping hand, but it is incomplete without therapy. Therapy is hard work, she will have to work on things outside of sessions as part of the therapy itself, so she has to want it and be motivated, and be open to facing some truths about herself."

"She’s attempting to manipulate you with the silent treatment etc., she’s just being incredibly selfish and immature. If she won’t change, I personally wouldn’t want to be married to someone like that." ~ LeftBroccoli6174

"You are starting to sound like the a**hole for having kids with someone so immature, irresponsible, and refusing to take accountability. That's a really terrible mother to inflict on children." ~ Legen_unfiltered

"NTA. Your wife just proved that she was in fact capable of dealing with this situation herself."

"I have zero patience for adults who can't manage situations like this. a) it was of her own making. b) there were so many options for solving it."

"And dropping everything to go save her? That just enables her dysfunction further. It teaches her that she doesn't need to be responsible for herself."

"And the silent treatment? That's a form of controlling behavior and emotional abuse."

"You need to sit your wife down and have a stern talking to with her. She is the a**hole." ~ GreekAmericanDom

The OP has two children to consider. His wife shouldn't be his third one.