The only constant in a chaotic universe is change.
The weather, the wind, the time.
Everything is constantly changing and it can be nearly impossible to plan for every conceivable eventuality.
Of course, we can manage our risks, make sure we’re making smart choices whenever possible.
What happens, though, when a family member makes some terrible decision and the consequences are too much or them, so they decide to take the good choice you made instead.
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Impossible_Ad1842 when they came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for an outside judgment.
“AITA for not letting my sister borrow my car?“
OP began with a quick explanation.
“I have an electric car.”
“My sister and her fiancée have 2 SUV’s and my sister says they can no longer afford gas.”
Then went straight for the problem at hand.
“She has asked me if they can borrow my car for things like taking my niece to daycare or other errands.”
“They would pay for the charging she says. I never understood why they need a 6 and a 7 seater vehicle for 2 adults who work from home and an infant but at the end of the day it’s none of my beeswax.”
“Ever since I bought my electric Audi a year and a half ago I got jokes from them about the smallness or secureness in my masculinity or other cracks and jokes.”
“My sister told me because I don’t drive much (I work from home, I have a grocery store around the corner from my house if I don’t want to get delivery and I use the bus system a lot because it’s not bad here) my car is available for them.”
“Even though they would be covered by insurance and pay for charging and I don’t use my car often I don’t want them using my car.”
“But my mom and dad are saying I should let them borrow it and my sister keeps playing the little sister card.”
“Our other sister told her to leave me alone but she can’t drive so they say she doesn’t understand.”
Left to wonder if they were in the wrong, OP turned to Reddit for some outside opinions.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some responses were pragmatic.
“If they cant afford to drive two SUVs, they should sell one. Problem solved.” ~ jennifer3202
“I don’t get why they need two, I get having one if you plan to have lots of kids but two is overkill.”
“Maybe one suv and another car that’s not as large/uses less gas” ~ Dumbass163
Others tried to see things from the other side.
“They’re probably upside down on both of them.”
“So many Americans roll over their car debt to keep buying these giant SUVs they don’t need, only looking at the monthly payment and not the overall debt.”
“I was recently helping out a family member and the value of their car vs their debt was astonishing, but of course they’d been trading in their car every few years.” ~ Dark_fascination
“Can confirm that rolling over debt is stupidly easy to do.”
“I had a 2015 Subaru Outback that was worth maybe $10-12k, but the debt on it was $16k with an insane interest rate.”
“I ended up having to do a voluntary repossession last year because I just couldn’t afford the ridiculous monthly payments, and there was no way to get out from under the debt.”
“(I live in MA, so I couldn’t even have sold it to a private party and tried to pay it off that way; the banks hold the titles until your loan is paid).”
“But the whole car buying industry is incredibly predatory—I was young and inexperienced with it, and definitely got taken advantage of—AND, unfortunately, largely unavoidable for most people.”
“I felt so much shame over being upside-down on my car loan, but I had zero choice when it came to getting that car.”
“I can’t use public transit, but I’m disabled and low-income, so I had no way to buy a cheap used car upfront.”
“I had to do a loan that would let me drive away without a down payment. :/”
“I just wish our public transit infrastructure was better. I wish we were more like Europe or Japan, where you can get almost anywhere by train or by walking.” ~ revanhart
Of course, not everyone was so forgiving.
“Your sister wants what she wants until it costs too much.”
“She didn’t want a fuel efficient car for the environment, she now wants to use yours because filling her tank is too expensive.”
“It’s not your job to save her from her poor choices.”
“She could have chosen one larger gas guzzler for the space (that she may or may not need) and a smaller, more efficient model for a second car.”
“She did not.”
“You are under no obligation to provide a fix for her choices; your family is most likely tired of hearing her whine.”
“Unless they are willing to offer their own vehicles, they have no right to an opinion on you offering yours.” ~ Quiet-Essay-9268
“If your sister is old enough to be married with kids, then her Little Sister privileges have expired, and she is not entitled to use your car.”
“They can sell both SUVs and get a more practical car.”
“Plus, even if you didn’t have your own concerns, it is likely your insurance will not cover any accidents they may have with your car.” ~ OrcEight
There were also suggestions to take precautions.
“If you have any spare keys to the car laying around, hide them.”
“Learning to adjust to life’s bumps is part of becoming an adult. Nowhere does it say you’re entitled to take over another person’s possessions because your circumstances aren’t ideal ATM.”
“No is a complete sentence.”
“NTA.” ~ catniphooligan
Some were confused.
“Can anyone explain to me the theory of ‘your brother, sister, grandma, aunt etc. has a car, house, room, storage etc they aren’t using so they should let you use/have it’?”
“Who are these people who don’t own the items in question but have the self-appointed authority to bequeath them to others? Where do they get this sense of entitlement?”
“All I know is if I buy a car I am the only one who can loan it to someone.”
“If either of my siblings told me that since I don’t drive my car it’s is available for them to use they’d promptly be told to f*ck off and to enjoy walking.”
“And your parents need to mind their own business. They have ZERO authority over you and your decisions.”
“The important thing for me to note is that IF my siblings called and ASKED me if I’d be willing to loan them my car that I was not really using I’d likely say yes.”
“That’s the difference between someone asking the owner for a favor, and someone telling the owner they are going to do something with their property.”
“One elicits a positive response and the other elicits a strong ‘f*ck you’ response.” ~ Jovon35
Commenters pointed out that choices have consequences.
“I have a jeep and I’m not thrilled with gas prices now either.”
“You know what I do? I condense my errands and only drive when necessary (ie to and from work, stops on those drives).”
“It was my choice to buy the car I did when I did. No one else needs to be responsible for the choices I made.”
“Am I slightly jealous that my hybrid driving sister is paying less in gas? Of course. But she is making other sacrifices (trunk/leg room, higher payment).”
“End of the day, it all shakes out for us.”
“Because we are driving and in control of our own cars.”
“I mean if this was a ‘hey, I need a truck for this specific purpose on this specific day, can I please borrow yours so I don’t have to go through the trouble of renting for an hour or two?’ I’d maaaaaaaaaybe see the point.”
“But regular use? Just because it’s convenient? Hell no.”
“OP is NTA for wanting to protect the car they love.” ~ mdsnbelle
“If they can’t afford to use their cars then they can sell them and get one that they can afford to use.”
“Borrowing yours while they do that may be a reasonable thing to ask for, a temporary fix while they organize a long-term solution. (Not that you would be under any obligation to them even then).”
“But to borrow your car as a permanent solution while they have a pile of money depreciating on their driveway is mind-numbingly poor financial sense.” ~ willingly-ignorant
The only constant is change.
We manage our expectations and take the smallest gambles we can but in the end, it’s all luck.
So we make the choices we must with as much information as we can.
Then we deal with the consequences.
Be careful with those who want the fun without the repercussions, and never put up with anyone who sees your hard work and careful decisions as their safety net.