When a couple with children decides to get a divorce, they still have a long journey of coparenting ahead of them. Just because their marriage has ended does not mean that their parenting responsibilities have.
Unfortunately, it's so easy to place blame on someone when a child is in their care, even though we all know that it only takes a second when it comes to kids, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor ThrowRA-128932 was frustrated when they heard that their ex-wife organized a playdate, only for their daughter to break her friend's Nintendo Switch while they played unsupervised.
When she asked them to help cover the cost of a replacement Switch, the Original Poster (OP) blamed their ex-wife for not watching the kids closely enough and demanded she cover the cost herself.
They asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for not paying for a Nintendo Switch 2 replacement after my daughter broke hers?"
The OP and their ex-wife lived in different countries.
"I live in another country (Japan) than my kids (Canada)."
"It was meant to be a one-year-long contract while my wife maintained the home, but she wanted a divorce a few months in."
"I decided to stay in the other country but visit my children twice a year."
The OP sent their child support every month, plus extra money for their daughter.
"I make approximately 4,500 dollars per month, and I send over 2,500 dollars to my ex-wife per month."
"My court-ordered child support is only 440 dollars a month, but I send more because I live simply and would rather the money go to my kids anyway."
"Plus, I'm not there, and there are hidden costs to parenting, so I want to help my ex-wife out."
But the OP did not have extra money to pay for a Nintendo Switch when the first one was broken.
"My child broke another kid's Nintendo Switch 2 on a playdate my ex-wife organized."
"She asked me for the money to replace it, but I cannot budget it. It was her responsibility to ensure that when other kids are at her home, she needs to be aware of expensive items. It happened under her (lack of) supervision, so it's her problem."
"The other kid involved is eight, and my daughter is seven. In my opinion, they're too young to have free open control over these devices anyway. Shame on the other kid's parents for allowing that, too."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP that it wasn't his responsibility, since he wasn't the adult supervising.
"NTA. You weren't supervising, you weren't involved, it's not your responsibility." - littlebitfunny21
"I… can't figure out why Op is asking this…"
"His Ex had custody, he sends her money monthly… why should HE be responsible for something that was broken while SHE should have been supervising the kids…" - mca2021
"This is 100% on the adults who were there and failed to supervise the children. I don't think OP should have to pay since he wasn't physically present and therefore had no control over the situation. But in no way should a $2500 debt be placed on the shoulders of a seven-year-old child."
"Not unless you think traumatizing the child for life is a good idea. To a seven-year-old, $2500 might as well be a billion. That amount is meaningless to a kid who maybe understands the cost of a bag of chips or a candy bar." - Objective-Pound2185
"OP shouldn’t pay for a new one, but the mom should, absolutely. However, seven- and eight-year-olds are also not incapable of being careful with expensive items, and should have known to be careful. Kids are smart, capable, and can absolutely be responsible, and no one should have to hover over a seven- and eight-year-old like they’re toddlers."
"The kid needs to help make things 'right.' The kid should be told that they’re working chores to help pay it off, but I’m not talking indentured servitude here, I’m talking a few extra chores for a month or two to help 'pay' the mom back. A seven-year-old is capable of doing chores around the house, as well as helping to make a wrong a right."
"Kids who never have to help make things right for the stuff they break or damage end up being careless teens and adults who never take responsibility for anything they do that harms others." - Ok_Bridge711
"NTA. This should be something your child has to earn money to help replace as well. Mom needs to pay to replace, and the kid then does a lot of chores to learn both responsibility and respect for belongings." - BringerOLight2884
Others agreed and pointed out that the OP was already providing much more than his custody-mandated support.
"Not your responsibility. Let her pay for it out of the extra $2060 you send her every month." - Forward_Deer_9230
"Considering the wife is sent about as much as I make a month, she'll manage."
"I came in assuming OP was gonna be the AH because of the title, but he absolutely shouldn't have to send more for something he wasn't even present for and had no hand in, outside of simply being the kid's father."
"The mom should deal and pay herself." - matchafoxjpg
"The money he sends the kids, not her. The money for the switch comes directly from the child's budget, so the child gets punished directly and accordingly."
"Not only is OP NTA for refusing, but he's actively teaching his children a good lesson by refusing." - Additional-Life4885
"She can pay for it with the excess money you sent. I’d consider a joint bank account with the child as second holder and just put the extra in that account for your child."
"When something like this comes up, you can pay, and otherwise your kid is the holder of that money when they reach maturity." - Farmgirlmommy
"What is she even doing with all the excess money you're sending her? Regardless, it's not your responsibility. She can pay for it with all the extra money you send. I would concur with the other commenters, though, and stop sending the excess to your ex-wife and start putting it in an account for your kids instead."
"Set up a college fund or trust in their name(s). She's proven not to be trustworthy with the extra money you're already sending. (You're also completely right, by the way; seven and eight are way too young for little kids to be left alone in unsupervised with expensive electronics.)" - TacosForTuesday
"You know she isn’t spending all that on the kid, though, not if she has to ask him for more to pay for this."
"She should have a ton of that money saved up for college, vacations, etc., but for some reason, she seems to not have any savings at all, since she can't cover this cost."
"Honestly, he should reduce his payments and put it towards savings for his kid himself since she obviously can’t handle money." - halfasleep90
But some argued that no amount of money could make up for seeing his children only twice a year.
"Dude sees his children TWICE A YEAR. Mom does EVERYTHING, because I doubt he efficiently and independently parents during his rare visits."
"Respectfully, since he is as good as a deadbeat, he at least can send plenty of money. But yes, he should save part of that too."
"And yes, he isn't responsible for the Switch." - Desperate_Net3878
"NTA, but only seeing your kids twice a year is gross. They don’t understand it and will grow up knowing you are an absent father." - Unable_Fix3847
"ESH."
"Yes, everyone in the comments is saying that he is not the a**hole because he sends sooo much money, but then in the comments, he has his disabled ex-wife taking care of both kids most of the year. Let me repeat... A disabled woman is solely raising the children because she can't work because she is disabled."
"2.5k is a small price to pay for him never having to spend time with his kids outside of his vacation time. I can't imagine how exhausted that poor woman is."
"She should have been watching the kids better... But if you were an actual parent, not a fair-weather father, you would be able to be there to teach your kids not to break s**t." - UnderlightIII
"NTA for the Switch, but YTA for leaving your kids. The money won't matter to them in the long run, but the fact that their dad abandoned them (and you did, every way but financially) will."
"Move back and be with your kids."
"Signed: someone who grew up seeing their father a few times a year and doesn't talk to him anymore." - Picklesdog
"It’s nice you give so much money, but you should probably just put the extra in a CD or savings account for their future education."
"Just a word of caution. Ex already has so much extra and asks for more. Do you get an actual accounting of where your money goes?"
"Or use it to actually see your kids more." - JudgeJoan
While the subReddit could wholeheartedly agree with the OP's decision to not cover the cost of a replacement Nintendo Switch 2, they also collectively agreed that there were larger concerns at play.
Not only did they want to know where all the extra money was going, preventing the mother from covering the cost of the replacement herself, but also, under what illusion did the OP think that the extra money each month was covering the ten months that he was away from his children?
As easy as it was to blame the mom for not watching closely enough or being careful enough with her money, parenting will always look easier from the outside.
