Money can be at the root of all relationshipn issues.
Marraiges crumble over it.
People kill for it.
And family wants their share... ALWAYS.
It's neverending battle.
Redditor TA_cashin wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for keeping the cash back I made from a shared purchase for myself?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Last year, my siblings and I had to make a shared purchase."
"It was the cost to bury our father after he passed away."
"We split the payments 4 ways between all of us."
"They sent me the money, and I put the cost of the burial on my C[redit] C[ard]."
"With that, I made about $140 in cash back."
"This weekend, we were hanging out and talking about finances in general."
"I talked about how I put everything I can on my credit card to get cash back and because it has better protections than a debit card."
"That way, I am getting some money back on purchases I need to make, and if something goes wrong, I have better ways to defend myself."
"Plus, I just love cash back!"
"My sister asked if I really meant that I put everything on my credit card."
"I said yes, the only exception is loans where credit card payments aren’t accepted."
"Otherwise, it goes on the credit card. "
"She asked me about our father’s burial."
"I said yes, since they accepted credit cards, I did it."
"She asked how much I got back from that."
"I told her it was about $140."
"She asked why I didn’t send her 'her portion' of the cash back."
"Eventually, my other siblings agreed that I should’ve given them some of the cash back I received from putting the cost of the burial on my card."
"Their argument is that they gave me the money to pay for part of it, so they should get some return."
"We were having drinks when this came up, so I thought maybe the drinks exacerbated the issue, but this happened Friday night, and when I texted my brother (not the one who brought up the conflict at first) about something unrelated, he asked about cash back."
"So he still expects me to give him 'his portion' even though he didn’t have a problem with it until my sister brought it up and kept pushing the issue."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for keeping the cash back I made after making a shared purchase??"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors weren't definitive with their thoughts. They felt there was blame to share... everywhere.
"ESH. It's $140."
"That's $35 each."
"That's a pitiful amount of money to argue about."
"I think they are petty for asking, and while I don't think you're necessarily in the wrong to have kept it, it seems like a stupid hill to die on." ~ Puskarella
"They’re probably more upset that you 'profited' from paying for the burial."
"It’s an emotional situation to begin with, and they can certainly view it like you weren’t upfront about it with them."
"My guess is that’s more their beef, rather than $35 each. ESH." ~ mattysparx
"NTA. I have friends who love paying for group dinners and having us Venmo them for our portion because of their credit card rewards."
"If I wanted to put the money up front, I'd do the same thing -- but I don't, so I just Venmo them what I owe them for dinner."
"Your siblings are crazy for expecting the rewards to go to them."
"That's what you get for being willing to organize and pay up front." ~ secret_identity_too
"NTA. There would have been no cash back if you hadn't used YOUR card."
"They're not entitled to any of it."
"Your mistake was telling them about using it for the funeral." ~ Gattina1
"This is madness."
"Credit Card rewards do not go back to anyone else in the party involved, ever."
"You were the one who floated the debt, took on the risk, and collected all the payments."
"Anyone else could have done it, but they did not. Your credit card rewards are your own business."
"Also, stop talking about them." ~ Ok-Calligrapher1345
"This is the dumbest damn thing I’ve heard argued about in a long time."
"Who in this day and age doesn’t have a rewards card of some sort?"
"I have the Costco Visa that rewards actual cash, and I still wouldn’t give any of it back to them."
"Who cares?"
"It was for your father’s burial, and she should just be glad that it was handled without any mess or fuss. NTA." ~ jenorama_CA
"YTA. Should have kept your mouth shut." ~ Discojoe3030
"Your siblings are basically trying to retroactively change the terms of an agreement that was already settled, which is kind of a classic move when someone's feeling left out of a benefit."
"The cash back is literally the reward for you using your card responsibly and managing the transaction, not some hidden pot they were owed a cut of from day one."
"If they wanted to negotiate how rewards get split, they should've said something before you paid, not after finding out you made money." ~ DoublePut2143
"YTA for bringing it up in front of them."
"If you had kept your mouth shut (which would have been fine since you've extolled the virtues of cash back for years) and not made them aware of unnecessary details in the first place, everything would have been fine."
"You made this problem for yourself." ~ KFPanda
"NTA. Cash back on a CC is a reward for taking on the risk of using your own CC."
"If you hadn't paid it off, you would've accumulated interest, which your siblings would have no obligation to pay."
"You took the risk, you get the reward."
"The only way they would be entitled to a split of the cash back is if everyone was trying to decide whose credit card to put it on, and then agreed to split it."
"It would've been best to not dive into the details."
"I can definitely see their side, after knowing you made $140 with their contribution." ~ ace_deuceee
"NTA. The evidence against your sister is that she ASKED specifically if you got cashback for the funeral."
"This isn't you bragging about it and them giving you a hard time about it."
"This is them hearing that you get cashback on your card and looking for a way to get a piece of it."
"Tell them that the cashback on your card is yours because you used your card for the purchase."
"If one of them wanted rewards in some way from a card or account, they could have used their own cards." ~ rockology_adam
"INFO: Was there a fee for credit card over cash/check?"
"Credit cards can give cash back because they charge such a high fee."
"A lot of businesses offer a cash discount because of this. Y.TA."
"If there were a fee for using the credit card. N.A.H if it was the same price for card or cash."
"But on big purchases like that, I usually round down cause I’m getting cash back."
"But your sibling shouldn’t be making a big deal of it." ~ MMango90
"This is an insane discussion."
"But if they feel they are entitled to your rewards, then they must also be entitled to your interest payments, too."
"Most rewards cards have 2% cash back (on average) and 20% interest."
"So if they really want 'their' cash back, make sure you keep 20% of their share for interest anyway."
"Send them $28 and tell them if they have a problem, they can pay your credit card bill next month. NTA." ~ fs71625
"YTA for bragging about it and even letting them know."
"This is on you for talking." ~ ZoomZoomZachAttack
"YTA. You should have kept your mouth shut."
"Now it looks like you got one over on them and are bragging at their literal expense."
"Pony up and learn from it." ~ Fun-Satisfaction2214
"YTA. Bragging makes you an AH."
"Was it so hard to keep your mouth shut about getting cash back?"
"Do you really think you are impressing anyone?"
"Don't you realize that when you give out financial information like this, the people who hear you are going to think about how it affects them and how they can benefit from it?" ~ Deep-Okra1461
"ESH!!! This 👏 is why 👏 you don't 👏 discuss 👏 finances 👏!"
"You shouldn't have mentioned it in the first place, and this situation is exactly why, but now that you've spilled the beans about it, you'll never hear the end of it until you do."
"Will you?"
"That's up to you, keep your peace and assess the damages."
"Don't discuss your fiscal affairs in public."
"You can make an argument for talking about the benefits of various providers that people are assessing (and be sure to keep it vague which one you're using unless you're ride or die with the person you're telling)."
"But do NOT freely tell people about your financial situation unless you absolutely must, it brings no end of grief." ~ YakEfficient3200
"YTA. I agree with them."
"You all paid for it in equal amounts, so you should all get cash back in equal amounts." ~ StormCloudRaineeDay
"YTA, you 'made money' off your dad's burial/your siblings."
"You should have given everyone a refund."
"Or kept your mouth shut and not bragged about how clever you were to the people you essentially exploited." ~ Anthrodiva
Reddit is all over the place with this situation.
A lot of people feel NTA, but plenty feel YTA.
Sorry you can't get a clear answer, OP.
Money just makes everything so messy.
Sorry about your loss.
Good Luck.
