There is little anyone looks forward to less than a funeral.
Even if at the end of the day, funerals are intended to celebrate the life of the recently deceased, they are still a sad and sombre occasion.
Funerals can also be rather frustrating, as you can never fully prepare for them, nor can you plan around them.
Redditor ParsleyOk7740 recently lost two family members in short succession of one another.
Only making matters worse, the funerals conflicted with one another, leading the original poster (OP) needing to decide which funeral she should attend.
The OP eventually made a decision, one that didn't please her husband at all.
Wondering if she made the wrong decision, the OP took to the subReddit "Am i The A**Hole Here?" (AITAH).
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH….Choosing my ex husbands funeral over my boyfriends brothers funeral?"
The OP explained why her boyfriend made her feel even worse about an already unenviable situation:
'Me 45 F[emale] him 56 M[ale]… together 9 years."
"He has zero interest in being married even though he knows it’s a priority of mine."
"I suffer in sadness about that but that’s a different topic."
"My ex husband died in February 2026 unexpectedly due to a heart attack."
"We were married 13 years and still great friends."
"We shared IG memes and kept in touch about family stuff regularly."
"My ex liked golf."
"His family and friends decided to plan a memorial/ celebration of life for him when the weather improved."
"It’s may 16th."
"My family and myself have been planning on going and my boyfriend knew this and he was fine with it."
"Well ugh… my boyfriend’s bother was in a car accident and died unexpectedly Tuesday."
"His funeral is 5/15 in a different state."
"My boyfriend and him were not close."
"I have seen his brother 4 times in 9 years."
"My boyfriend and his brother do not keep in touch or text regularly."
"I reminded my boyfriend that my ex husbands memorial was the day after his brothers funeral and that since they were in different states that I may not be able to go."
"He flipped out."
"Said I wasn’t supporting him."
"I was picking my ex over him."
"Wait."
"We both lost family."
"I feel like this situation sucks and requires both people to have empathy for the other person."
"I would feel terrible if I didn’t go to my ex husbands memorial."
"I expect him to go to his brothers funeral."
'At the end of the day, we are boyfriend and girlfriend."
"I feel like it’s acceptable for us to each support our own family situations."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP did the absolutely right thing by choosing her ex-husband's funeral over her boyfriend's brothers.
Not only did everyone agree that the fact that the OP was closer to her ex-husband than she was to her boyfriend's brother easily made the decision, but that her boyfriend's over-the-top behavior, as well as his aversion to commitment, was more than enough to justify the OP ending this relationship:
"I'm still stuck on the part of your story where you and your current BF have different ideas about your futures."
"I'd take this as an opportunity to duck out of this relationship entirely."
"NTA."- Constant-Wanderer
"NTA."
"You're right -- in a situation like this, you each need to go to the funeral of the person you were closest with."
"I'm sorry for your loss."- Castal
"NTA."
"I wouldn’t even frame it as your ex-husband."
"You say that you two are still great friends… so your boyfriend expects you to miss the memorial of your close friend for someone you have zero personal relationship with."
"He wants you to prioritize him with no regard to your own loss… red flags."- WaryScientist
"NTA."
"Do what you need to do for yourself."
"Don't live with (more) regret."
"Honestly if your bf wants you to act like family toward his family he should have made that happen."
"If he wants the support of a wife, he should find a wife."- lAngenoire
"Your own words are suffer in sadness."
"Why would you choose to do that for your entire life."- WontYouBeMyNeighbors
"He made his bed by being ‘just your boyfriend’ your Ex husband was family, sounds like he still is."
"My ex is a family friend, he is still invited to all my family stuff, my current husband is cool with it."
"Go to your Ex’s funeral."
"Your current boyfriend sounds like a selfish douche."- m2677
"Your BF wants you with him to support HIM, not his brother."
"And I think he’s also forcing you to pick him over your ex."
"But coming from a guy who knows you want to get married but is refusing, that’s pretty rich."
"You could be petty and say, 'I’m sorry you lost your brother, but my ex loved me. He loved me enough to marry me knowing it was important to me. So I am choosing to say goodbye to a man who actually loved me. And when I return we need to sit down and figure out our future, because I’m realizing life is short and I deserve to be with someone whose action show he loves me. Two people who want different futures are just not compatible'."- Successful_Voice8542
"Honey, this is not about the funerals."
"This is about why on earth you have wasted 9 years with a man you know you are not compatible with?"
"Have enough self worth and love to end this relationship with the guy who is an AH about the funeral, and move on."
"Go to your ex's funeral."- Dachshundmom5
"You're NTA but you're absolutely ridiculous."
"You're what?"
"Waiting for your boyfriend to die so you don't have to break up with him?"
"Sh*t or get off the pot!"
"What are you waiting for?"
"It's not another story, my God."
"He's not going to marry you."
"He doesn't care ABOUT YOUR PRIORITIES!"
"Oh, we have different priorities, blah blah blah."
"Yeah, your needs and wants just aren't his."
"Jesus. Go to your ex's memorial."
'Who cares what he wants."
"What a d*ck weed."- Loreo1964
"Do what you feel is right for you."
'Relationship status aside, it's not unusual for couples to attend events separately when they conflict."
"It sounds like it's time to go your separate ways, though."
"The conflict is a symptom, not the core issue."- JegHusker
"'I suffer in sadness about that but that’s a different topic'."
"Kind of the only topic that matters."- No-Loquat-2763
"Go to your ex husband memorial."
"Get rid of the boyfriend who won’t marry you."- Lanky-Fix7376
"I’m still stuck on you being in a relationship with a guy who doesn’t even want to marry you."
"You’re 45 you don’t need to suffer in silence for the rest of your life over a guy."
"Like speaking of priorities you don’t even prioritize yourself, no wonder he wants you to cater to his whims."
"NTA, of course you go to the funeral of the person you cared about, but you need to make yourself a priority."
"Life isn’t over you can find a man who likes you enough to marry you."- Eyelashestoolong
"You're right, you should each go to your familys funeral/memorial."
'But, I've got to ask - why are you staying with someone so unwilling to respect what you want for your future?"- Capable_Froyo4433
"Honestly, this is one of those break up and be happy posts - you don't want the same things, including scheduled events."- NoeTellusom
"Honestly, it sounds like a NAH."
"Your bf may not have been close to his brother, but it was still his brother, just as you remained close to your ex."- Background-War9535
“'Oh no the man who has been telling me for years that I’m not worthy of being his wife feels like I’m finally not supporting him in wifely fashion. Let me just drop everything important to me to humor him, because then he’ll…no doubt still not think I’m valuable enough to marry. But will definitely start using the fact that I at first wanted to attend ex husband’s funeral as reason that he is right to never marry me even though I did everything he wanted'.”
"Ugh."- MidnightBlueSilk
Even the notion of prioritizing one funeral over another is a horrible thought.
Should anyone find themself in that unenviable position, however, they should rightfully choose the person who mattered more to them.
If the OP's boyfriend can't accept that, then one can't help but agree with the Reddit community, and wonder how much longer this relationship will last...
