One of the best things about having close friends is that we can confide things in them.
Things we would otherwise want to protect with a lock and key if possible.
But we trust our friends, perhaps knowing they might let an element or two of these secrets slip to others.
Sometimes we realize far too late, however, that some people simply aren't capable of keeping a secret.
Redditor Medical_Metal_6496 recently went to support a friend in her professional endeavors.
Unfortunately, shortly after arriving, the original poster (OP) was horrified to catch her friend sharing a personal anecdote they had confided in this friend.
Resulting in the OP making an abrupt exit.
Seeing how hurt and offended her friend was by her actions, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for just walking out during my friend’s comedy set?"
The OP explained why they took an early departure from her friend's gig:
"One of my close friends has been doing open mic nights for a few months, and I’ve gone to most of them."
"Last week she told a story on stage about someone getting locked in a restaurant bathroom and trying to climb out through the small window."
"It happened to me last year, and I’d only told a few friends because I was embarrassed."
"She changed the restaurant name, but kept enough details that the people we came with immediately knew it was me."
"Everyone was laughing and one friend kept looking over at me, so I got up and left."
"Afterward she texted saying I made it obvious the joke was about me and made her look bad by walking out in the middle of her set."
"I told her she shouldn’t use things I tell her privately as material, and she said comedians talk about real life all the time and nobody outside our group knew."
"We haven’t spoken since."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for walling out of their friend's comedy set.
Just about everyone, including several other stand-up comedians, agreed that the OP's friend was out of line using personal information about the OP, particularly knowing they were going to be at that set.
Many agreed that walking out was the right thing to do:
"NTA."
"I’m a stand-up (semi-pro, not new to open mic) and what your friend did was sh*tty."
"It wasn’t her story to tell."
"While comedians do use stories from real life all the time, we tend to ask permission from the person it happened to, and respect their answer; we also change details both to protect the person and to make it funnier."
"A common trick is to make yourself the butt of the joke, so she could easily have used your experience as the foundation of a story where she got stuck in a bathroom instead."
"In short: my advice to your friend would be that she should write some actual material, rather than just recounting something that happened to someone else."- OmegaSusan
"NTA."
"She took a story you clearly felt embarrassed about, that you only told a few friends, and made it a joke in front of those exact people without asking."
“'Comics talk about real life' doesn’t override basic trust."
"Walking out is a natural reaction, not some calculated attempt to sabotage her set."
"If you talk again, I’d make 'no using my stories without consent' a firm boundary."- Former_Campaign8471
"NTA."
"She made you feel bad by doing that."
"If she was going to use your life as material, she should've asked first."- Ryuuji-Akiyama
"Yes it’s funny but it takes one minute to give a heads up the person who is the butt of the joke."
"If you spring it as a surprise to the person involved, be prepared for a reaction you don’t personally like."
"NTA, OP, you deserved a heads up."- bookbookgo
"NTA."
"Idk why people are acting like it's unreasonable to not want to be made fun of in front of a large group of people."
"Regardless of whether or not strangers knew it was you, the people you went with knew it was you."
"Not a great feeling, especially when you're already embarrassed about it."
"She definitely should've asked your permission or at least given you a heads up that she would be using you for comedic material."
"People have boundaries and even 'comedians' should respect them."
"It's very weird, the way society seems to give a pass for disrespectful behavior as long as it's done with the intent of being 'funny'."- ConspAeth
"NTA."
"Her first reaction should be 'Sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable' not 'You made me look bad', this clearly shows she cares more about her image than your feelings."- Remarkable-Train8231
"NTA but also I feel like you’re overreacting a bit."- rheannahh
"NTA."
"Standup comedian here."
"It's super expected and normal etiquette to check in with the subject of your joke before telling it."
"Even the weirded incel comics I've ever met have asked my permission before saying something gross about me on stage (I'm a female comedian)."
"Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from consequences."
"If she's proud of that joke she can tell it but you have every right to not be okay with it and to make that known."-Various_Climate_6260
"NTA."
"This is not your friend."
"Not because of the joke at your expense but because of the reaction to you getting up and walking out."
"A joke shouldn’t have been made at your expense but then they doubled down by getting mad you left."
"This is not someone who values or deserves your friendship."
"I’m sorry Thai happened but sometimes the universe has a way of showing you who you need to remove from your life."-bouncingbobbyhill
"NTA."
"If I was doing a bit about a friend, I would always ask first before just going ahead and doing it."
"The fact that you were even in attendance and they didn't even give you a heads up - regardless of permission - sucks!"- Redruby88
"Real comedians use their OWN stories from their own lives."
"NTA."- opine704
"NTA."
"My dad is a pastor."
"He used to use illustrations in his sermons that involved my brother, myself, or other friends and family."
"He never once used a story without asking our permission."
"It’s basic common courtesy."- bassman314
"NTA."
"If she knew you were going to be there she should have at least prepared you for the joke."
"I'm not going to say she needed to ask your permission but at least a heads up."- Shadokastur
"NTA."
"And your friend doesn't sound like much of a comedian either."
"Trying to picture a comic telling a story like 'a friend that had a really awkward, somewhat traumatizing thing happen to her and everyone that knows about just a laughs and laughs about how embarrassing it was'."
"That sounds super cringe and not funny at all."
"Self-deprecating, embarrassing stories about oneself is legit and can be funny since one is laughing at oneself."
"Deprecating stories about someone else reeks of mean-girls gossip-mongering."- RocketWoman55
"NTA."
"Yes comedians and writers use real life stories as inspiration."
"The smart ones ask the people close to them about their comfort level with having their life used as comedy or a fiction."
"The AHs just use your personal moments and then blame you for being too sensitive."
"I don't know if you're the first person he lost by doing this but I'm pretty sure you won't be the last."
"He was told how upset you were and doubled down instead of apologizing."
"Tell him you are super uncomfortable being part of his 'real life' comedy routine and won't be hanging out anymore."- readergirl35
There were a few, however, who didn't think the OP's friend necessarily did anything wrong by using her story as their material, even if they still agreed the OP did nothing wrong by leaving early:
"Your friend made several mistakes here."
"It was rude of her to do that without clearing it with you first."
"She failed to fully anonymize all the details, since you and your friends recognized who the anecdotes were about."
"Then she didn't give you a heads-up."
"And worst, she didn't immediately apologize to you or check on your feelings when she saw how upset you were."
"But I'm having a hard time seeing either of you as TA."
"It sounds like she's new to the comedy scene so she's still learning the ethics and etiquette."
"If she heard you tell the story and if you did it in a way that downplayed how upset you were, she might have really thought it was fair game."
"She still should have asked first, yes."
"And hopefully she'll now know to ask in the future."
"But I wouldn't be too hard on her over it."
"Without knowing more about things from her pov, I lean NAH."
"I think the real question is: why were you so ashamed and embarrassed about something so harmless?"
"Instead of being angry at your friend for the very common comedy practice of mining her and her friends' lives for material, I think it would be a more productive use of your time to figure out why you were so upset to begin with, and what about this moment left you feeling so vulnerable and sensitive."- bookshop
One would have thought the OP's friend would have at least had the decency to wait and try this material on a night when the OP wasn't there.
Unfortunately, it seems that this friend doesn't quite understand the value or importance of a secret.
While the OP's friend arguably showed up to her performance ready and waiting for people to be laughing at her, the OP most certainly did not.
One hopes the OP's friend might take this into account before using any other stories about her friend group in their material.
Based on the way she reacted towards the OP, however, that doesn't seem very likely.
