Losing a loved one—whether it be a family member or a significant other—is one of the most emotionally painful experiences in life.
A grief-stricken Redditor, who has lost two people close to them, experienced the added stress of family drama.
After being confused about making a difficult decision, they visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for choosing to go to the funeral of my girlfriend over the funeral for my grandmother?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Very recently my girlfriend passed away. Her parents decided her funeral will be held in about 3 weeks, and I’ve been doing my best to help them with the planning.”
“It’s been a rough time for everyone. My grandmother died in January of 2020, was cremated, and her funeral ceremony was being postponed due to [the virus].”
“My grandmother’s funeral unfortunately falls on the same weekend as my girlfriend’s, and they’re literally across the country from each other.”
“I’ve already had my time to grieve for my grandmother, and with how painful losing my girlfriend has been I’ve decided to go to my girlfriend’s funeral to say my final goodbyes and to support her parents.”
“After I informed my family of everything that has been happening it caused a bit of a rift with them, especially with my dad (my late grandmother’s son).”
“My dad and his side of the family are treating me as some sort of monster for not choosing the funeral for my grandmother, and are basically ostracising me for it. I thought I was making the right decision but I don’t know anymore.”
“I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with my dad and his family and I did love my grandmother, but I love my girlfriend and her family as well and want to be there for her funeral.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors offered their sympathies and weighed in with their thoughts.
“NTA Just want to jump in here and throw some love and support at you. You’re going through such a rough time and not a single person in your life gets to dictate how you grieve. I would recommend going to your girlfriend’s funeral if that’s what you think is right.
“You are not choosing one person over the other. And your dad and his family aren’t understanding that. They don’t see how important your girlfriend is to you and they are letting their own grief cloud their judgement.”
“What I would recommend doing is asking if there was still a way to participate. Like writing something for a cousin or sibling to say on your behalf or filming yourself saying some words. And asking someone to set up a live stream so you can still watch it is more than enough.”
“I’m also concerned your family is emotionally manipulating you, and this is a time you get to show them that you are able to make your own decisions.”
“You aren’t wrong for going to your girlfriend’s funeral, not in the slightest, but you may be right that it will form a rift. But if they let a rift form over this, it was bound to happen over something else anyway.” – TheTwistedCity
“NTA – if you need closure to go, I think it’s horrible that your father and his family are treating you so badly when this too was someone you truly loved, and like you said, you’ve already come to terms with your grandmother’s death versus someone you just lost and feel raw from.”
“You might always regret not following your heart and giving yourself this time to say a final goodbye if you give into your family’s pressure.” –
“IM SO SORRY that you have too choose like that, and even more so… I am truly sorry for your loss.” – EvocativeEnigma