Our teenage years are years of self-discovery.
Where. our interests and aspirations become more fully realized.
Not to mention when we first make discoveries about love, or, at least, what we think is love.
Often resulting in our making some ill-advised, if not downright bad decisions that make us want to run to our rooms and sob into our pillows in the moment but which we might laugh about in adulthood.
The daughter of Redditor NoMercyPercyDeRolo was going through those very years, and was beginning to experiment with the idea of having a boyfriend.
Being young and inexperienced, the original poster (OP)'s daughter went through many boyfriends in a rather short period of time.
Leading the OP to joke about this parade of young men to his wife and a friend.
A joke that did not sit particularly well with either of them.
Surprised by these reactions, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for calling my daughter's assorted boyfriends 'Baskin Robbins?'"
The OP explained how a joke about his daughter's dating life ended up going south:
"My youngest daughter(17 F[emale]), we'll call her Sarah, has a Disney princess-style romantic side to her."
"She wants her fairy tale relationship, and, like JG Wentworth, she wants it NOW."
"Admittedly, she has the example of my wife and I set for her; we have an absolutely wonderful marriage, my wife is my best friend, and the house is always full of laughter."
"The problem is, she wants that at 17, which I have tried to tell her, is not a realistic expectation."
"This desire has led to a veritable string of pseudo-boyfriends over the last 2 years."
"Don't ask me for a count, because I honestly don't know."
"It was enough that I had made a comment to my wife that, until one of them actually has 2 brain cells to rub together and sticks around, I'm not going to learn their names, and they're all going to be 'Baskin Robbins' to me, since they're the 'flavor of the week'."
"Now, I love and adore my daughter; she's incredibly sweet, kind, and has an absolutely manic goofy side to her."
"She often reminds me of Gilda Radner during her SNL stint."
"But in matters of the heart, and actual love, she has no experience because of her age, and any conversation with her regarding it ends in some variation of 'you just don't understand, dad' being thrown out."
"To my mom and dad, if you ever read this, I'm genuinely sorry for everything I put you through as a teenager."
"I told my Baskin Robbins joke to a friend of mine recently, and she got visibly heated, and said I was an a**hole for this, saying it 'made my daughter out to be some kind of wh*re', which absolutely blindsided me."
"I've always viewed the joke as a reflection on the teenage male experience, not my daughter."
"So, reddit, I leave it to you. AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who largely agreed that they were, indeed, the a**hole for their joke about their daughter's boyfriends:
"This says absolutely nothing about 'the teenage male experience' you’re just publicly dragging your daughter."
"YTA."- retiredtumblrgoth
"YTA."
"Dude."
"You're not a character in Sex in the City."
"You're not a sitcom dad."
"Stop with the terrible 'jokes" and one liners you would only get away with saying in a bad tv show."
"Your friend was right, you were being incredibly disrespectful regarding your own child while simultaneously implying she's slutty for dating."
"You are mocking your own child."
"You're definitely the a**hole."- ZerotheHero000
"YTA."
"I’m with your friend on this."
"You’re commenting on the number of boyfriends your daughter has had, NOT a 'reflection on the teenage male experience'.”
"I don’t even see how referring to your daughter’s beaus as 'Baskin Robbins' defining the teenage male experience."
"It’s actually a reference to the number of boyfriends she’s had, which implies she sleeps around."
"It’s quite common for young teens to have many different relationships."
"It’s part of growing up."- DGinLDO
"YTA."
"Be glad she's dating different people and then dropping them when she finds out they aren't right for her."
"She could instead date one HORRIBLE guy for a long time and become enmeshed with him."
"Dating different guys means she's setting a high standard and they aren't meeting it, so she moves on."
"That's actually a good thing."- hrebel_2019
"Slightly different opinion here: YTA mainly because you are suggesting to your daughter that dumping boyfriends quickly is a bad thing."
"You don't realize it, but you're subtly pressuring her to stay with these guys longer."
"It's a great thing to realize a relationship won't work and quit early rather than staying in it long-term, trying to force things and generally acting like a teenage relationship is a marriage."
"Lots of young women stay with absolute duds or boys who are absolutely not compatible with them trying to 'make things work' because 'relationships are work'."
"That's really not what you want here."
"Also, I know you don't mean it this way, but everyone who hears you talking about your daughter's many boyfriends thinks you're talking about the huge amount of sex partners she has and are saying she's sexually promiscuous."
"Sorry."- InspectorOrdinary321
"YTA and not nearly as entertaining as you think you are."- IHaveBoxerDogs
"YTA."
"Weird that you have to ask whether or not you're an a**hole for mocking your own child."- Flat-Replacement4828
"'But in matters of the heart, and actual love, she has no experience because of her age'."
"Yet you're making a joke out of her gaining that sort of experience."
"What is with this boomer-style sh*t of simultaneously thinking your kids are naive for not having enough life experience, but also demeaning doing shit to gain that experience?"
"YTA."- throwawayainteasy
"I dated multiple people when I was young and I heard the flavor of the week comment from my father."
"I can't say it helped our relationship."
"You're not funny or cute with this."
"Invalidating the guys immediately, and making your daughter a family joke is just sh*tty behavior."
"Grow up."
"YTA."
"What does your wife say?"
"You say your marriage is full of laughter, so is she as shitty to your kids as you are?"
"Do you think being sh*tty means I love you?"
"Is this how you also treat your wife?"- Catfiche1970
"'I've always viewed the joke as a reflection on the teenage male experience'."
"That's your problem."
"If the joke involves your daughter, you should think about your daughter."
"But yeah, insinuating that your daughter tastes a different boy every day of the month pretty obviously isn't classy."
"YTA man."- IndependentFilm4353
"YTA."
"Just treat your daughter like a human being."
"If she introduces a friend, call the friend by their name. It’s really not hard."
"Your daughter doesn’t have to be in a long-term relationship for you to be interested in her life."
"You seem to think you’re witty, but you’re coming across as an out-of-touch boomer (which I know you aren’t, with having minor children)."- Unable_Pumpkin987
"YTA: I know you said you weren’t trying to shame your daughter, but this does kind of come off as a more insulting joke toward her as well, not just her boyfriends."
"Plus, being disrespectful toward one of her boyfriends could’ve also caused discomfort for him and caused him to distance himself from her depending on how you behave and if the boyfriends know that you call them all Baskin-Robbins."
"All your daughter is trying to do is find love just like you did. It sounds like you’re not trying to make fun of her specifically, but the way you’re doing this sounds pretty hurtful and I know after a while."
"If my dad did this, I’d probably feel pretty hurt and self-conscious even if I didn’t say anything."- BlindButterfly33
"YTA. you sound like you’re trying too hard to be clever and witty."
"Like you care more about making a funny joke than how that joke reflects on your daughter. yes, it 100% sounds like you’re implying she’s sleeping around and she’s a hoe who has a new man every week."
"That’s gross."
"she is 17."
"No sh*t she is inexperienced - how do you expect her to gain experience?"
"it’s very normal for young people to date around, they’re gaining experience and finding out what they like. to your daughter - this is going to come across as you not giving a sh*t about her personal life (can’t even be bothered to learn their names? which is kind of weird for you as a parent btw, you don’t want to know the names of the people who are taking out your daughter…? seems unsafe but ok) and it’s going to come across as you calling her a whore. just lame and corny all around."- peanusbudder
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, and acknowledging their joke may have been somewhat ill-advised:
"Thank you to those who gave genuine advice and DMs."
"This helped me see things in a different light that my brain honestly never considered."
"Yes, the joke will be stopping, and yes, a more concerted effort will be made to retain names."
More often than not, jokes that seem sweet and harmless in our heads seem anything but to the people that they're about.
Something the OP seems to have thankfully come to realize.
Hopefully resulting in his treating his children's private lives with a bit more sensitivity going forward.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.