When kids become adults and start shacking up, not all parents can handle it.
There is a lot to unpack with this topic.
Beliefs about sex are personal, and they can take a lot to figure out.
Redditor LittleInsect665 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
"AITA for wanting to sleep with my boyfriend?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"For quick context: I (22 F[emale]) have been dating my B[oy]F[riend] (23 M[ale]) for three years now."
"A few weeks ago, we moved in together."
"We both work, pay our own bills, and neither of us relies on family members for financial support."
"The other day, my mom and stepfather came to visit us since they were in the area and wanted to check out our new house."
"Since it was a good few hours away from where they live and they arrived in the evening, my boyfriend and I were more than willing to let them spend the night in an empty guest room."
"As everyone was settling in for the evening, my mom was confused as to why my boyfriend wouldn’t be sleeping on the couch."
"I was also confused and said that we should sleep together in the master bedroom."
"My mom is very old-fashioned and doesn’t approve of any type of intimacy before marriage."
"She was also against the idea of my boyfriend and me moving in together, but she held her tongue during the duration of the visit so far."
"We got into an argument, and it boiled down to my mom demanding that my boyfriend either sleep on the couch or on the floor in our bedroom."
"I said that was ridiculous, and it wasn’t like we were going to be doing anything inappropriate within the vicinity of my parents."
"She still said that she was my mother and I should do what was asked of me."
"At that point, my stepfather stepped in and asked that we just listen to her and that I was making things difficult for everyone."
"In the end, nothing got resolved, and my parents left."
"I assume they got a hotel room for the night and left to go back to their house the next morning."
"I got an angry text from my mom where she called me a 'sinful little girl' and that she raised me to be better than that."
"She told an aunt of mine what happened, and I later got a call from her where she said that my mom can be pushy and annoying, but I need to be the bigger person and apologize. "
"My boyfriend is on my side, and his parents and siblings are too. "
"I’m posting here so I can get some outside opinions on things."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. Your house, your rules, and your morals."
"Mom needs to get over her puritanical giant sky fairy ways if she wants a relationship with you." ~ Comfortable-Fall1419
"My parents were not well off, and when I went to university, my parents were unable/unwilling to support me financially."
"In the second year, I moved in with my girlfriend."
"The two of us also paid all of our bills without family support or loans."
"My father suggested that it wouldn’t be wise for us to move in together."
"I asked if he was going to start paying my rent and other bills, and until that time, he could keep his thoughts to himself."
"My girlfriend’s grandmother 'disowned' her for a short time."
"It was laughable."
"We have stayed together and are still married 36 years later."
"You stick to your guns. NTA." ~ endosurgery
"Your mother very clearly did not raise you better than that."
"Despite herself, she raised an independent daughter."
"She also doesn’t seem to understand that when under your roof, she’s to follow your rules."
"In short, your mother is unreasonable. NTA." ~ Zestyclose-Custard-2
"NTA. The audacity to demand you and your boyfriend sleep separately on Y'ALL HOME."
"OP, your mom has no say in how you and your boyfriend live in the home you both pay for."
"If she has that much of an issue, she could book a hotel nearby." ~ DJ_NY_Supreme
"NTA... your mom is brainwashed."
"I'm sorry she would say something like that to her daughter."
"You and your boyfriend can do anything you want behind closed doors."
"Sins are fake rules higher-ups made to keep the lower class in line."
"There's nothing you and your boyfriend could do in the privacy of your bedroom that makes you a bad person, unless it's non-consensual." ~ Krilitane1
"This is absolutely hilarious!"
"What on Earth was your mother thinking was going to happen when you moved in together?"
"How incredibly naive of her to assume you sleep separately."
"And she's the only one that makes this 'sinful.'"
" Intimacy in a healthy couple that has been together for 3 YEARS is about love."
"She just brought shame into the mix and made it weird."
"I understand that it's her religious belief, so you can't really argue with that."
"It's what she was raised to believe, but it's also ridiculous for her to think that after 3 years of living together, you are sinful."
"She should respect you, your relationship, and your home!" ~ Realistic_Ask2059
"NTA. There comes a point where there is no recovering a relationship with a family member, including parents, and when they call you sinful because you’re sleeping in the same bed as someone else, the tipping point is fast approaching." ~ No_Control8031
"I have no issue with people being religious."
"I don’t agree with it, but it’s their life."
"No matter how tempted I am to try and talk them out of believing that certain things are going to cause eternal damnation, I don’t."
"I do, however, have an issue with people pushing their beliefs on me."
"Or anyone else who has made it clear they’re not interested."
"Your mother needs to grow up and recognize that you’re an adult and you’re making your own choices."
"NTA, OP, and do not apologize."
"It will set a terrible precedent where your mother will learn she can throw a tantrum and get her way."
"If your stepdad complains, point out that she’s the one who is being immature by throwing a tantrum."
"Also, he married her, that’s not your fault." ~ Equivalent-Leg-7047
"NTA. You're an ADULT."
"It's your life."
"If your mom disapproved, then it's best she stay somewhere else."
"It's no disrespect to her how you choose to live since you are not in her home."
"Move on."
"She'll get over it... or not."
"That's on her." ~ Imaginary-Goat1010
"NTA even a little."
"She tried to kick him out of his own bed."
"He was allowing them into HIS home, not just yours."
"I think it's time for low/no contact because she obviously does not understand what a problem this actually is." ~ SmolderingMeowMix
"NTA. Set the expectation and boundary now for what you need your life to look like moving forward, and how much say she will get in it." ~ Cocochica33
"NTA. You live together; her request is ridiculous."
"If she’s that against the idea of you two sharing a bed, she should have never stepped foot in your home and just gone to a hotel." ~ CaliGrlNVA
OP came back with an Update...
"One of my little brothers reached out to me the day after Mother’s Day."
"Neither of us particularly cares for each other, but he said he was messaging me because our mom told him what happened, and he wanted my perspective on things since what my mom told him seemed very one-sided."
"I told him what happened and about the argument that ensued afterward, and how I’ve been ghosting my mom, stepdad, and aunt for the past few days."
"My grandma didn’t reach out to me because she had no idea about what happened, according to my brother."
"I’m in the wrong for that, and I’m planning on calling and apologizing to her later today once I have free time."
"My brother said that my mom was upset about the whole encounter and didn’t even want to visit my boyfriend and me to begin with."
"It was my stepdad who really pushed for the visit since again, they were in the area at the time, and he’d feel guilty if they didn’t even swing by to say hello. "
"She thought our house looked tacky and didn’t appreciate our wall decorations."
"Both my boyfriend and I are big fans of Slasher movies, and we have a handful of old movie posters and merch hanging up in the living room."
"We also had a leftover case of beer in the fridge that we got during a hangout with our friends, and my mother doesn’t drink… so she didn’t like that either."
"Of course, the main breaking point is that she didn’t want my boyfriend and me sleeping in the same bed together."
"My brother said that she thought that meant we would be having sex that night."
"I told him that thought didn't even cross my mind."
"If I'm going to have sex with my boyfriend, I’d wait until we were alone in the house."
"I would rather die than do that with my parents in the vicinity."
"I told my brother my half of the story, and he understood and thinks my mom is 90% in the wrong."
"He said I was an a**hole for not saying anything to my grandma for Mother’s Day, which I agree with."
"I’m still not interested in talking to my mom for the time being, but I’ll post updates if anything interesting happens."
"Thank you all for the support so far."
Sorry you're stuck in this scenario, OP.
Don't let your Mom's behavior bother you.
You are an adult.
You live your own life.
