Ending a relationship is never easy.
In addition to the emotional consequences that must be faced, breakups also come with countless inconveniences.
Perhaps none more so than needing to find a new living space.
Redditor Accurate-Truth-8602 recently broke up with his girlfriend.
Almost as soon as the relationship ended, the original poster (OP) took claim of their apartment.
While the original poster (OP) suggested that that might not be the best idea, his now ex-girlfriend was adamant about her decision.
A decision she would later come to regret.
Having some doubts about how she handled things, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here" (AITAH?)
Unlike the similar "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for 'leaving' my ex gf to pay rent she can’t afford?"
The OP explained why their girlfriend was ultimately unhappy that they ended up getting the apartment they shared after they broke up:
"My ex 22 F[emale] and I 25 M[ale] broke up end of April, I let her takeover the lease of my old place and I left July 1st to get my own place once again."
"The moment we broke up and mentioned separate living arrangements she was very adamant on taking over the lease, she didn’t wanna pay a new deposit on a place and she has all her stuff here and whatnot, would’ve been a lot to move it."
"I made it clear it’s not smart for her to stay as the rent price is about 65% of her income and after doing the math it would be very tight on her end, she’d have like $200/mo leftover AT BEST, vs for me it’s about 35% of mine and I was well over $1k/mo leftover
I told her I’d gladly help her find a cheaper place like a basement or a studio which would be around 35-45% of her income but she refused, she claims a studio is too small to fit her stuff and cat, and she refuses to live under a household and be controlled and whatnot."
"She also said she didn’t wanna do any roommate situation because she had bad experiences in the past and she can’t go back home because her family lives about 3 hours from the city in the middle of nowhere."
"Well she has the place and after making the first rent payment she's already complaining that she’ll be most likely living paycheck to paycheck because of this, and she's basically mad cause apparently 'we should’ve just stayed living together and tried to reconcile the relationship'."
"Obviously this is fully her fault for choosing the more expensive option right?"
"I tried to help her and warn her and she didn’t listen."
"Just wanna be clear my name is no longer on the lease to that unit, I have my own unit now, she was approved for a lease takeover starting July 1st so the place is 100% her responsibility now."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way responsible for their ex-girlfriend's situation.
Everyone agreed that the OP made it very clear to their ex-girlfriend that staying in their apartment was probably a bad idea, and it was her own fault that she didn't listen:
"NTA."
"She found out the hard way that she has unrealistic expectations of being able to afford the rent by herself."
"It's 100% a her problem, not your problem."
"Especially since she said you should have tried to reconcile to make her life easier and more affordable."- late-nineteenth
"NTA."
"This was her choice."
"You offered to help and she refused."- Spiritual_Ad6547
"NTA."
"Why are you still talking to her?"- EnvironmentalSlice46
"You are not the a**hole. You warned her, you tried to tell her."
"Clearly she was right and you were wrong, and now she can live with her choices."
"I’d cut the cord and let her figure that shit out."
"Y’all broke up."
"Not your monkeys or circus any more."- restrictedsquid
"Oh no its the consequences of my actions."
"NTA send her a link to a google explanation of the word 'accountability'."- i_am_snoof
"You gave her opportunities to move somewhere else, way over and above anything you ‘owed’ her."
"She was fully aware of the financial commitment required and STILL chose to stay."
"But now it’s YOUR fault? "
"I mean, I can kinda see why you broke up."
"This is no longer your problem and I think you need to set some boundaries and reduce contact."
"And I love the fact it’s on YOU for not staying and reconciling ONLY because it financially suited her."
"Yeah that’s a great reason to stay together."
"Not."- SafeWord9999
"Hopefully by 'taking over the lease' you mean that the lease has been properly amended and you are no longer on the hook if she fails to pay her rent."
"You've broken up, she's not your responsibility, but even so you've gone to some trouble to offer her help finding somewhere cheaper."
"Now she's saying 'we should’ve just stayed living together and tried to reconcile the relationship?'"
"Nope."
"She might think an unhappy relationship is better than living within her means, but hopefully you have more sense."
"Not your problem any more."- eepeqez
"She expects you to help her out paying part of her rent."
"This is her plan, bc she still thinks she has something over you."
"Do not help her, she refused the logical option before."- reddituser_xxcentury
"NTA."
"There is a reason she is your ex."- JonBirdmain
"You have to go no contact."
"She admitted you should have stayed together so she could live off what you brought to the table?"
"Who tf says something like that?"
"Not 'I really miss you and I think we made a mistake'."
"Just 'I miss your money and the convenience it brought to my life'."
"Block her."
"NTA."- Such_Temporary_3125
"Sounds to me like she is toxic and cant have a relationship without drama, you offered her many options but she probably thought you were going to bend the knee."
"Stay away from her cut off communication thats not someone you want permanently in your life."- sigp226r
"She sounds like a Drama Llama."
"Just drift away and go quiet."- Gatodeluna
"To be clear... are you on the lease ore not?"- No-Loquat-2763
"NTA."
"Either block her or cut her off when she starts whining."- NotUniqueScott
"NTA."
"You dodged a hobosexual."
"Now stop answering."
"You already went above and beyond by even helping at all."- Chunk924
"NTA."
"Clearly her goal all along was for you to stay, and was surprised/disappointed when you followed through with your plan."
"And not for nothing, but her living situation is no longer your problem."
"Please keep that in mind, and good luck with your new start."- OfAnOldRepublic
“'We should’ve just stayed living together and tried to reconcile the relationship' - gold digger vibe."- zyraxes23
"She only wants to reconcile the relationship because the rent is cheaper than wey, wow run!"- alillypie
"NTA."
"Ex-GF made an expensive choice."- Haunting_Green_1786
"NTA."
"The page of the dictionary that defines 'ex' is short, sweet, and accurate."- Veblen1
"NTA."
"I heard the same complaint before."
"My ex wanted us to live together and thinks it was a bad idea for me to move out with the kids."- vanibanz
"Oh now she wants to work on the relationship and says that you two should stay together."
"Surely that's not because of the high rent she obviously can't afford and she surely isn't just trying to use you for the money."
"Surely not."- randomguyhere983
"NTA, but also, what did she expect?"- ColourCoded_Sunshine
"NTA."
"But she's your ex. stop communicating with her."
"It's over. take back your peace."- Dante2377
"Block and move the f*ck along, mate."- deathboyuk
"NTA."
"Why are you still talking?"
"Sounds like her problem."- misterwiser34
"NTA."
"Learning how to adult is hard."
"Also, I had 2 cats in 283 sq feet."
"Her cat will be fine in a smaller place."- Fly4620
"NTA."
"If she ends up homeless, thats not your problem."- lxdarksnip3r
"You have broken up."
"I’m not sure why you’re still communicating with her."
"NTA, she made her own bed, she can now sleep in it."- itsraininginsocal
"NTA."
"Not your problem."- Sad_Manufacturer4556
"I’m concerned for you."
"I’d be surprised if a landlord would officially lease a place to a person if the rent was 65% of their income."
"Which makes me think that the property lease is still in your name."
"If so, the landlord may very much be expecting you to make good on the rent if she can’t pay."- lobr6
No one can blame the OP's ex-girlfriend for not wanting to move.
That being said, everything she is expressing frustration over is exactly what the OP warned her about.
Leaving one to wonder if their relationship ended up failing owing to her inability to listen...
