HR Manager Gives Jobless Boyfriend A Blunt Reality Check About Why He Isn't Getting Hired After Seeing His Résumé

When things simply aren't going our way, we tend to turn to our nearest and dearest for advice, hoping they might have the answers.

Purely because they care about us, they will usually give us their honest opinion.

What we might not be prepared for, however, is that their honest opinion might not be what we want to hear from them.

The boyfriend of Redditor thrway875 was struggling.

As his struggles were in the original poster (OP)'s professional area, the OP decided to offer some advice.

Unfortunately, her advice was anything but appreciated by her boyfriend.

Concerned about how she may have handled things, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for being blunt with my boyfriend about why he isn't getting hired anywhere?"

The OP explained why her honest opinion did not go over well with her boyfriend:

"I (26 F[emale]) have been with my boyfriend (29 M[ale]) since 2024."

"We met online and after a few years of friendship, he had gotten an insurance payout and decided to move to my state 'for a few months'."

"Well, a few months turned into a couple of years and the insurance money had run out."

"Previous to the insurance payout, he had helped his dad with his landscaping business and had had a few short term jobs (pizza shops, serving, etc;) but no job lasting longer than a year."

'Once he ran out of insurance money, he began to search for jobs."

'He quickly became frustrated because nobody was getting back to him."

"He would often threaten to give up and go move back in with his parents."

"I am an HR manager and hire people for my company on a regular basis."

"I took a look at his resume and explained that no one was going to hire a 29 year old who had less than five full years of work experience with years of gaps between jobs."

"He argued that he was applying for entry level positions, and I had explained that his age would be the downfall."

"It doesn't matter if it's entry level, a 29 year old not holding a job is a bad look."

"He is now stating that I am insensitive and make him 'feel like sh*t" for not being able to contribute enough to our house (though I have only asked him to help with groceries, I take care of the rest of the house bills).

"Admittedly, I think I could have addressed it in a softer manner but I definitely let my personal feelings get in the way."

"I love him to death but feel it's ridiculous that he lived off his parents for as long as he did with no independence."

"For some added context, I did help him work through his resume."

"The initial conversation had stopped at 'this is the issue' because he had become too upset to let me help in the moment."

"It took a couple of hours but eventually we were able to sit down and fluff it up, so to say."

"Sooo, am I the a**hole?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP Fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for giving her boyfriend honest advice.

Most agreed that the OP did nothing wrong by giving her boyfriend her honest opinion, though some did understand why her boyfriend was upset, while others expressed their concerns that the OP would tolerate his lack of determination in securing a job:

"NTA for telling him the truth."

"However, are you content with being the provider for a live-in-boyfriend?"

"The fact that he chose to live on the settlement rather than work to support himself gives you an idea of his work ethic."

"He's pushing 30, thus not likely to change."

"Let him move back in with his parents."

"Get yourself a fully-formed and contributing partner and not a dependent."- CrankyWife

"NTA."

"But your boyfriend is a bum."- JeanCerise

"NTA."

"But you’re honestly attracted to this man that had no ambition for the past 5 years, horribly irresponsible with money, and will literally hold you back financially as you start to plan for buying a home or starting a family?"

"Even if neither of those are wants, having to pay for a boyfriend is goddamn expensive and gets really old."

"At least if he had been working towards something I would understand, but seriously, as I’ve reached my early 30s I’ve learned love is not enough to hold me back in life."- lb_fantastic

"NTA."

"But seriously, quit supporting this guy."

"Or this will be your life for as long as you both live."

"I don't doubt that you love him."

"But at some point, you realize that you need a partnership with your significant other."

"And that isn't what you have."- Spiritual_Promise735

"NTA."

"But I question why you want to be in a relationship with a 30-year-old you are supporting."

"You don't have children presumably so it isn't as if he were the stay-at-home parent providing childcare services."- Jujulabee

"Sister, you are NTA."

"A man at that age must know it himself; is he expecting you to parent him?"

"The fact that he hasn't worked hard enough to have a stable job by 30 alone says a lot.'

"My question would be, are you willing to pay for a 29-year-old kid who gets defensive when hears the facts about his life decisions?"- Worth_Koala_3989

"NTA."

"To decide to live on insurance money knowing full well it was going to run out, was a short-sighted and lazy move."

"He could have found a job, put the remaining money in savings, and had a nice cushion when needed."- Checkersmack

"NTA."

"He needs to grow the f*ck up and realize why he can't get a job."

"Let me guess... he lives with you rent-free, and you pay all the bills?"

"If so, even less TA."- PenIsGodS

"NTA, but is this someone you want to support for the rest of your life?"

"Because you will."

"If he has a good personality and isn't getting mad at small things and you can make it financially work, make him a stay-at-home husband."

"But if he doesn't clean up, doesn't listen, and is full of resentment."

"Just try to think carefully about whether or not you can support him for the rest of your lives."- dikdiklikesick

"I have no idea why he thought it was a good idea to live off his insurance."

"If that were me, I'd invest it and continue to work."

"Heck, it'd be an incentive for me to make the insurance money grow."

"NTA. If this is his attitude towards life, I'd be thinking twice about the relationship because you will be carrying him forever."- Serious-Big2

"Why are you dating a 29-year-old man with very little work history?"

"NTA."- scooby946

"NTA."

"30 no job for years, you pay most of the bills?"

"Jeepers."- gamuel_l_jackson

I would question the dynamics whatever the gender as I can't imagine this as being a long term relationship. Others, however, felt the OP's feedback wasn't constructive or helpful, and felt she should have given her boyfriend more active advice:

"Mild YTA."

"He needed a reality check so when he does get a new job he tries hard to keep it."

"However, when you’re out of work and applying and not hearing back, it’s a terrible and anxiety-riddled feeling."

"What you said to him most likely made him feel hopeless and more anxious about the job hunt."

"I would recommend following up with him and offering to help edit his resume and give him interviewing tips."

"Or any other tips for reaching out to people."- nonymouse12321

"Mild YTA because your delivery sucked."

"You just told him he's unhireable, based on stuff he can't change now. how is that helpful or constructive at all?"

"Had you tacked on 'but here's what we can do/work on", that would have helped a lot. but at the end of the day, if this is how you feel'."

"I love him to death but feel it's ridiculous that he lived off his parents for as long as he did with no independence."

"How do you envision your future with him going?"- blunar00

"YTA."

"'You're 29 with no experience is why no one wants to hire you' is blunt and unhelpful."

"It's also pretty judgmental and makes me question you as an HR manager."

"You offer no insight as to what types of jobs he was applying to, and while he does sound like a slacker who probably should have no sympathy, you have managed to help me find some."

"There are plenty of folks who start over or who had other things going on in life."

"As an HR manager, you could also probably have said something like, we get a bazillion resumes and are only able to respond to some minor percentage of them."

"That would have been blunt but not an attack on him personally."

"Do you want to crush his soul in an overall crappy process or do you want to get him working?"- hybrid0404

It's clear that the OP's boyfriend needed a reality check, as we all do from time to time.

While the OP did at least try to help him polish his resume in hopes of improving his situation, she may have wanted to consider how he would react to what she was going to say.

What the OP must consider now, based on this reaction, is whether or not there is a future in this relationship.