The composition of a guest list for a wedding is something that is strictly fashioned by the couple getting married.
Who is there and who is NOT there is up to them.
But those details speak volumes.
Who is left off a wedding guest list can cause generational trauma.
It can be quite the scene.
Redditor Old_Debt2391 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
"AITA for a Skipped Wedding Reception?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"This past weekend, my sister got married."
"I'm (36 M[ale]), the oldest of 3, middle brother (30), and sister (28) is the baby, and I'm the only one with kids (4 and 2)."
"I was a groomsman in the wedding."
"8 months ago, early discussions were about a child-free wedding."
"For me, I was cool with that."
"I'll tie one on with no kid responsibilities and have a good time."
"I was a little surprised that they were not flower girl and ring bearer, but whatever, less work and responsibility for the wife and me."
"Apparently, our mom asked for the kids to be invited, and my sister stood her ground on no kids."
"I think this really bummed my mom out."
"My sister has been dog-obsessed and a self-described dog mom, so I just assumed her dog was doing those duties."
"Cut to the rehearsal, and I found out her Husky is her 'dog of honor,' and my brother's 2 German shepherds are the Flower Girl and Ring Bearer."
"I also learned that the dogs would be going to both the ceremony and reception."
"At the rehearsal dinner, during some remarks, a few comments by my sister stuck out... called her dog's family, said her brother's dogs were family too, and said all the most important people will be at the wedding."
"When saying this part, we made eye contact."
"After the fact, I didn't bring anything up, but when talking with my wife, it rubbed her the wrong way, too."
"My wife and I went to the ceremony, but we left shortly after and didn't stay for the reception, which meant I missed the grand entrance."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA. People who say otherwise don’t have contentious siblings."
"Your sister was very pointedly telling you that your kids are neither family nor important."
"From your description, this was very intentional on her part."
"Don’t know why she doesn’t like you, but she doesn’t." ~ pineboxwaiting
"NTA. She made her position clear."
"Child-free receptions are fine and normal (I have two kids and younger siblings), but if you're gonna have a crack at my kids, we're gonna have problems."
"I would've left too." ~ did-it-my-weigh
"I'm child-free, but OP is absolutely NTA."
"I agree, his sister was taking a pointed jab at his kids for no reason."
"Kids are innocent, and there's no reason to act like that towards them."
"I can't imagine ever saying something like that about my nieces and nephews."
"I love them all so much and don't understand his sister's mentality." ~ theXwinterXstorm
"I don’t have kids - and I don’t particularly like them either."
"But my brother’s kids are still family."
"And OP is NTA."
"The bride, on the other hand…" ~ Crafter_2307NTA
"I think a lot of the Y T A votes here are missing the point entirely."
"As you said, you were happy to attend a kid-free wedding, even if it meant leaving your own kids at home."
"The issue is when the sister was blatantly rude about your children, making eye contact with you, saying how the dogs are family, and all the important people will be at her wedding."
"She was baiting you into an argument and insinuating that your kids aren't family."
"What kind of adult is blatantly so nasty about little children?!" ~ littlelauralollylegs
"Yup yup."
"To me, once I got married and started a family, my husband and kids became my immediate family, and my siblings got pushed to being extended family."
"I will always prioritize and choose my immediate family first." ~ Avocado_toast_27
"OP is definitely NTA."
"His sister was an AH."
"Even if you do consider your niblings unimportant to you or kids in general very undesirable in your presence, you definitely never, ever, say that to their parent or to the kid themself."
"It’s cruel."
"I do wonder if sister had been antagonized for years about being child-free by some of the folks at the wedding, especially her parents.'
“'Apparently our mom asked for the kids to be invited and Sister stood her ground of no kids,' why??"
"Why would mom ask that?"
"They were 4 and 2; it was explicitly a child-free event to start with. Nobody sensible wants two toddlers at a long party aimed at adults with drinking and a ceremony they shouldn’t interrupt."
"Unless maybe it’s a 12-person backyard wedding, or is designed as a child-friendly, bigger wedding, that’s a different kind of event."
"Hopefully, a mostly dry one. Baffles me when parents are just fine with not supervising their kids at an event full of drunk adults."
"God knows I was sick of the constant unrelenting pressure at 18, by 30 I just flat out walked away from everyone who brought it up because otherwise I’d’ve gotten loud and aggravated."
"It was also utterly obnoxious that my male peers didn’t get kid-pressured anywhere near as heavily."
"That sh*t didn’t die down until my mid-forties, and people still tell me I should adopt in my fifties." ~ Meghanshadow
"NTA. As you said, you don't have a problem with child-free weddings."
"The problem was that she decided to insult your children."
"It's a pretty pointed remark for her to lock eyes with you and say everyone important to her is there when her niece and nephew are not." ~ Brittanica1991
"Kinda weird she considered her brother's DOGS family but not your kids?"
"I say NTA."
"You went to the main ceremony, and no one is obligated to stay for any duration just cos you're part of the bridal party, especially if she snubbed you and your kids."
"If she doesn't want people leaving, then she needs to learn some tact and know when to keep her mouth shut."
"Yeah, I get not everyone likes kids, and that's fine, but making comments like that in front of family was bound to rub some people the wrong way, and she knew what she was doing... lmao." ~ noveltea120
"It's totally ok to have a child-free wedding and not have any kids in the wedding party."
"But to say all the important people will be at the wedding is such a major diss."
"Does she hate your kids or something?"
"NTA... unless your kids are the naughty kind and you're the permissive parenting type, then YTA." ~ residentcaprice
"NTA. Sounds like your sister is childfree, and she absolutely took a shot at your kids when she said 'all the important people in her life' were at the wedding and made eye contact with you."
"There’s no requirement for you to remain at the reception."
"You know where your sister stands as far as your kids are concerned, so make sure your kids are safe around her." ~ CalicoHippo
"NTA. I'm totally chill with child-free weddings."
"I've been to plenty, and as someone with a young child themselves, I chose to keep my kid at home because I want to celebrate and not manage a 2-year-old."
"Your sister and B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] having a child-free wedding isn't the problem."
"The problem is her basically saying your kids aren't important and aren't family."
"That's f**ked." ~ wavinsnail
"Having a child-free wedding -- totally fine."
"Making nasty comments about how all the important people in her life (a category in which she explicitly counts dogs, including dogs that aren't hers that were present at the wedding) are present, obviously excluding your children, while staring you down -- wow, I can't even use the word for that here without being removed for incivility."
"Of course you left. And you don't have to invite her over for the 4th or Thanksgiving or Christmas either."
"Let her stay home with the most important people (errrr, canines) in her life."
"You did nothing wrong."
"She did. NTA." ~ Nester1953
"NTA is based entirely on your sister’s comments."
"Having a child-free wedding is acceptable."
"Making snide comments about 'all the important people' being there while daring you to comment is AH behavior."
"Your sister was either looking for a fight, or she let your mother get to her." ~ lostalldoubt86
"NTA. You went to the wedding."
"And then you went home to your children."
"As long as you don't make an issue with your sister about the dog thing, you're fine."
"It's not unusual for people to want to have child-free weddings."
"It's also not unusual for people with kids to cut outings short." ~ PrairieSunRise605
"One brother has two dogs, the other has two children."
"The dogs are invited and present, the children are not."
"But in case you were being super dense, OP, and risked missing her carefully executed insult, she made it super clear and drove it home. NTA." ~ knewleefe
"NTA, I’m pretty sure it was the comment about the dogs being family and all the most important people will be at the wedding when your children were missing."
"She just clarified where you and your family stand in her life, and for that, you were right to leave."
"Prioritize people who care about your family." ~ Indypecas
Reddit understands your feelings, OP.
Your sister has some explaining to do.
You and your wife owed your sister nothing.
This may be the beginning of serious family issues.
Good Luck.
