When a person is pregnant, they need comfort.
Carrying another human in a body is stressful and can be very uncomfortable.
That's why people usually do all they can to help a person carrying a baby.
The less stress and more rest, the better.
Not everybody got that memo.
Redditor Mindless_Book_6457 found herself in a personal dilemma regarding her sleeping situation while pregnant, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
He asked:
"AITAH for spending the night at a hotel after my fiancé locked me out?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"For the past week, my (25 F[emale] and 27 weeks pregnant) emotions have been a roller coaster from lack of sleep."
"One second I’m happy, then frustrated, and then I’m crying my eyes out."
"I genuinely feel like I’m going crazy and want to scream my lungs out."
"My husband hasn’t been helping, and I’m feeling beyond frustrated with him."
"My most recent symptom is swollen feet, pressure on my bladder, and heavy kicking."
"Trying to sleep throughout the whole night has been impossible."
"I’m always getting up every few hours, and falling asleep has been hard."
"I’ve tried so many things - even letting my husband push me to go for walks/weight lifting almost every day."
"Nothing has helped."
"The most frustrating part is my husband - he’s a fluffy guy, takes up the majority of our bed, and is gravity."
"For the past two weeks, he’s been coincidentally complaining first thing in the morning about my position, the pillow I’m using to support my stomach, and how I keep touching him."
"Suddenly, our normal cuddling at night is annoying, and I’m the problem."
"The main issue is that I have been actively trying to correct this and have apologized multiple times."
"Each time I wake up or go to bed, I’m on the edge of the bed, completely straight, with the pillow between us to help support my stomach."
"It’s uncomfortable, especially with my stomach growing, and hard for me to fall back to sleep."
"My breaking point was last night."
"I was finally about to sleep, he moved, and then started complaining that I was too close now."
"I got so frustrated that I went to sleep in the guest room and cried myself to sleep."
"I ended up sleeping maybe 4 hours and was completely exhausted this morning."
"When we got up, I told him that I was willing to sleep in the guest room moving forward."
"I’m tired of feeling unwanted in my own bed, and it feels like his comfort comes before mine."
"He started calling me dramatic, saying he never told me to leave the room."
"I told him that I was trying to find a solution to his consistent complaints and that it was making me feel horrible about myself."
"I was already not getting enough sleep, walking up and getting told I was a problem wasn’t helping."
"He then told me that I’m the only one who can control the way I feel."
"I snapped back that his actions and words made me feel that way."
"His behavior can affect how others feel."
"All I was trying to do was find a solution to avoid him coincidentally complaining."
"As I left for work, he acted like I was an a**hole and that I was overly dramatic."
"He kept laughing at all the points I made and acted like this was all my hormones."
"He kept acting like I’d forget about the whole thing because of my brain fog or feel bad about my behavior later."
"I genuinely don’t know if I am just emotional and the a**hole or if my points were valid."
"I feel so exhausted and would love an outside opinion."
"Info: We have a king-size bed (I know a lot of people asked), and this isn't common behavior for him."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITAH?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTA. He is."
"Enjoy more restful sleep in the guest room." ~ Mytweezer
"NTA. Sounds like he’s the problem, 'he’s a fluffy guy, takes up the majority of our bed,' OP has a human inside them, what’s his excuse?"
"He’s complaining about no space, well, guess it’s time for him to lose weight."
"The guy doesn’t have any sympathy for op and what they’re going through, he woke her up that he couldn’t sleep as she’s struggling to grow a human inside her?!"
"What is he going through???"
"He just can’t sleep?"
"Aww, poor thing... WTF?!"
"Naw, I’d be pis*ed too." ~ JenicBabe
"Hell to the no on that."
"As a dad myself, he can move to the guest room."
"I slept on the couch because my wife became a furnace and I get night sweats."
"I did it gladly."
"And I am a fussy, neurodivergent man."
"He can suck it up."
"I mean, he sounds like a di*k, if I'm honest."
"Maybe he doesn't realize that. I'm here for you if that's the case - he absolutely is being one."
"Don't you dare move out of that room."
"He should be ashamed that he made you feel like YOU had to leave." ~ lpmiller
"This. He should be supporting OP during this difficult time."
"Instead, he's making her feel bad and laughing at her distress."
"The least he could do is move to the guest room himself."
"Tell him that OP."
"Or else his attitude is just going to get worse when the baby arrives." ~ IceSeeker
"Came here to say this."
"OP, you are NTA".
"For my money, your husband is feeling bad about how he's complaining about how you're sleeping, and he wants to pretend to himself that all of his complaining wasn't really that bad, you're just being 'dramatic' in reacting to it."
"You are pregnant and need to get up to pis* in the middle of the night."
"You get whichever bedroom is nearest to the bathroom or has an en suite."
"Your husband gets to move to the other bedroom."
"He can assume he is sleeping in the other bedroom until you are good and ready to have him back in YOUR room after the baby is born."
"And stop apologizing to him!"
"In your joint situation, separate sleeping sounds like an actually good, positive idea."
"If he's finding it difficult to sleep in the same bed as you, he should stop complaining about it, pack up his things, and shift his a** to the other bed so you can get all of the sleep you need."
"Also, while going for walks sounds like good exercise, I hope you check in with a proper trainer (NOT HUBBY) about weightlifting." ~ Enough-Process9773
"NTA, him though?"
"He’s a real piece of crap."
"He doesn’t get to move closer to you and then complain you are closer."
"That’s f**king crazy making, and this is at 27 weeks!"
"You’re going to grow even larger, and if you are on the edge of the bed already, where are you supposed to go?"
"Your comfort matters."
"Your sleep matters."
"Your changing body matters, and I’d be furious beyond words at both his original behavior and his attempt to make it into a you problem."
"I’d be moving into that guest room permanently if I didn’t see some real remorse followed by genuine actions from him following this. I am furious with you."
"How f**king dare he!" ~ Cosmicshimmer
"You do know that you are NTA, he is."
"Big time!"
"You are growing a human inside your body."
"His child!"
"Tell him to take his 'fluffy' a** into the other room if he can't sleep."
"You are busy creating another life. Jesus!"
"Has he always been like this?"
"Be prepared to raise this child with no help from 'fluffy husband.'"
"I hope you have a strong family or friend support system because it certainly sounds like there will be no support from your husband." ~ SpankySecretary
"NTA! Your husband needs to STFU."
"When I got super pregnant and was waking up every hour, my husband slept on the couch for the last couple of months so I would be more comfortable and not feel bad if I was up for an hour watching TV in the middle of the night."
"I did not ask him to do this; he just did this to make the last little bit of my pregnancy more comfortable."
"You're the one moving for your husband's comfort."
"He should be understanding and grateful." ~ No_Morning5397
"NTA. Make him sleep in the guest room, to be honest."
"You can do whatever makes you comfortable, and if that’s hogging the whole bed and adopting the pregnancy pillow as your temporary new husband, then so be it!" ~ Beneficial-Turnip902
"NTA. Your husband is a huge red flag."
"He will blame your hormones for his shi**y behavior when you’re postpartum, too."
"Be careful."
"You will only get more uncomfortable as your belly keeps growing."
"You must do whatever you feel is necessary to get some good sleep." ~ IAmaDumb*itch
"NTA, and I think it's important that you show this post to your husband and let him know he is a crap husband."
"I would have kicked him out of the room."
"Seriously, I would have taken everything of his and thrown it in the guest room."
"He lives there now."
"I'd lock your bedroom door and sleep peacefully."
"Leave that man, baby, to sort himself out." ~ No_Vehicle4645
OP came back to chat...
"Thank you, everyone, for being honest."
"I wasn't expecting all of these responses; it's been overwhelming, and I'm still really exhausted from lack of sleep."
"I'll try to reply soon or give an update when I have one."
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your husband's behavior is outrageous.
You need comfort and peace.
Your husband needs to man up.
Congratulations on the baby and good luck.
